CHANGES
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Indra Nooyi
Similar to the speech given by Bryan Dyson. Here’s a motivational speech given by Indra Nooyi, president and CFO of PepsiCo ( PEP ), at the Columbia University Business School graduation ceremonies on May 15. A little long, but definitely worth the inspirational read it delivers.
Good evening, everyone.
Dean Hubbard, distinguished faculty, honored graduates, relieved parents, family, and friends, it’s a distinct pleasure to be in New York City this evening to celebrate the biggest milestone to date in the lives of you, the young men and women before us: your graduation from Columbia University Business School.
It may surprise you, graduates, but as big a night as this is for you, it’s an even bigger night for your parents. They may look calm and collected as they sit in the audience, but deep inside they’re doing cartwheels, dancing the Macarena, and practically speaking in tongues, they’re so excited. This is what happens when parents anticipate that their bank accounts will soon rehydrate after being bone-dry for two years. So, for everyone here this evening, it’s a very special occasion. And I’m delighted to share it with you.
I am keenly aware that graduates traditionally refer to our time together this evening as the calm before the storm. Some graduates — perhaps those who minored in self-awareness — refer to the commencement address as “the snooze before the booze.” However you describe my comments this evening, please know that I understand. It wasn’t that long ago that I was in your place. And I remember the day well. I knew that I owed my parents — my financial benefactors — this opportunity to revel in our mutual accomplishment. Yet, as the guy at the podium droned on about values, goals, and how to make my dreams take flight, I remember desperately checking and rechecking my watch. I thought, “I deserve to party, and this codger’s cramping my style!”
In one of life’s true ironies, I am now that codger. Well…I’m the female equivalent. A codg-ette, I guess. And I now understand that values, goals, and how to make dreams take flight, really are important. So being a firm believer that hindsight is one of life’s greatest teachers, allow me to make belated amends.
To that distinguished, erudite, and absolutely brilliant man whom I silently dissed many years ago: mea culpa. Big, BIG mea culpa!
This evening, graduates, I want to share a few thoughts about a topic that should be near and dear to your hearts: the world of global business. But, I’m going to present this topic in a way that you probably haven’t considered before. I’m going to take a look at how the United States is often perceived in global business, what causes this perception, and what we can do about it. To help me, I’m going to make use of a model.
To begin, I’d like you to consider your hand. That’s right: your hand.
Other than the fact that mine desperately needs a manicure, it’s a pretty typical hand. But, what I want you to notice, in particular, is that the five fingers are not the same. One is short and thick, one tiny, and the other three are different as well. And yet, as in perhaps no other part of our bodies, the fingers work in harmony without us even thinking about them individually. Whether we attempt to grasp a dime on a slick, marble surface, a child’s arm as we cross the street, or a financial report, we don’t consciously say, “OK, move these fingers here, raise this one, turn this one under, now clamp together. Got it!” We just think about what we want to do and it happens. Our fingers — as different as they are — coexist to create a critically important whole.
This unique way of looking at my hand was just one result of hot summer evenings in my childhood home in Madras, India. My mother, sister, and I would sit at our kitchen table and — for lack of a better phrase — think big thoughts. One of those thoughts was this difference in our fingers and how, despite their differences, they worked together to create a wonderful tool.
As I grew up and started to study geography, I remember being told that the five fingers can be thought of as the five major continents: Europe, Asia, Africa, and North and South America. Now, let me issue a profound apology to both Australia and Antarctica. I bear neither of these continents any ill will. It’s just that we humans have only five fingers on each hand, so my analogy doesn’t work with seven continents.
Clearly, the point of my story is more important than geographical accuracy!
First, let’s consider our little finger. Think of this finger as Africa. Africa is the little finger not because of Africa’s size, but because of its place on the world’s stage. From an economic standpoint, Africa has yet to catch up with her sister continents. And yet, when our little finger hurts, it affects the whole hand.
Our thumb is Asia: strong, powerful, and ready to assert herself as a major player on the world’s economic stage.
Our index, or pointer finger, is Europe. Europe is the cradle of democracy and pointed the way for western civilization and the laws we use in conducting global business.
The ring finger is South America, including Latin America. Is this appropriate, or what? The ring finger symbolizes love and commitment to another person. Both Latin and South America are hot, passionate, and filled with the sensuous beats of the mambo, samba, and tango: three dances that — if done right — can almost guarantee you and your partner will be buying furniture together.
This analogy of the five fingers as the five major continents leaves the long, middle finger for North America, and, in particular, the United States. As the longest of the fingers, it really stands out. The middle finger anchors every function that the hand performs and is the key to all of the fingers working together efficiently and effectively. This is a really good thing, and has given the U.S. a leg up in global business since the end of World War I.
However, if used inappropriately — just like the U.S. itself — the middle finger can convey a negative message and get us in trouble. You know what I’m talking about. In fact, I suspect you’re hoping that I’ll demonstrate what I mean. And trust me, I’m not looking for volunteers to model.
Discretion being the better part of valor…I think I’ll pass.
What is most crucial to my analogy of the five fingers as the five major continents, is that each of us in the U.S. — the long middle finger — must be careful that when we extend our arm in either a business or political sense, we take pains to assure we are giving a hand…not the finger. Sometimes this is very difficult. Because the U.S. — the middle finger — sticks out so much, we can send the wrong message unintentionally.
Unfortunately, I think this is how the rest of the world looks at the U.S. right now. Not as part of the hand — giving strength and purpose to the rest of the fingers — but, instead, scratching our nose and sending a far different signal.
I’d challenge each of you to think about how critically important it is for every finger on your hand to rise and bend together. You cannot simply “allow” the other four fingers to rise only when you want them to. If you’ve ever even tried to do that, you know how clumsy and uncoordinated it is.
My point here is that it’s not enough just to understand that the other fingers coexist. We’ve got to consciously and actively ensure that every one of them stands tall together, or that they bend together when needed.
Today, as each of you ends one chapter in your young lives and begins another, I want you to consider how you will conduct your business careers so that the other continents see you extending a hand…not the finger. Graduates, it’s not that hard. You can change and shape the attitudes and opinions of the other fingers — the other continents and their peoples — by simply ascribing positive intent to all your international business transactions. If you fail, or if you are careless, here’s a perfect example of what can happen:
A U.S. businesswoman was recently in Beijing, China, on an international training assignment for a luxury hotel chain. The chain was rebranding an older Beijing hotel. As such, the toilets in the hotel had yet to be upgraded. There were no porcelain commodes, just holes in the floor. Until recently, this was the standard procedure in China.
Now, 8,000 miles removed from the scene, you and I — and most Americans — can shake our heads and giggle at the physical contortions and delicate motor skills necessary to make the best of this situation. We’re simply not used to it. But to loudly and insultingly verbalize these feelings onsite, in front of the employees and guests of the host country, is bush league. And yet, that’s exactly what this woman observed.
In the hotel’s bar, the woman overheard a group of five American businessmen loudly making fun of the hotel’s lavatory facilities. As the drinks flowed, the crass and vulgar comments grew louder, and actually took on an angry, jingoistic tone. While these Americans couldn’t speak a word of Chinese, their Chinese hosts spoke English very well, and understood every word the men were saying.
And we wonder why the world views many Americans as boorish and culturally insensitive. This incident should make it abundantly clear. These men were not giving China a hand. They were giving China the finger. This finger was red, white, and blue, and had “the United States” stamped all over it.
Graduates, it pains me greatly that this view of America persists. Although I’m a daughter of India, I’m an American businesswoman. My family and I are citizens of this great country.
This land we call home is a most loving and ever-giving nation — a Promised Land that we love dearly in return. And it represents a true force that, if used for good, can steady the hand — along with global economies and cultures.
Yet to see us frequently stub our fingers on the international business and political stage is deeply troubling. Truth be told, the behaviors of a few sully the perception for all of us. And we know how often perception is mistaken for reality.
We can do better. We should do better. With your help, with your empathy, with your positive intent as representatives of the U.S. in global business, we will do better. Now, as never before, it’s important that we give the world a hand…not the finger.
In conclusion, graduates, I want to return to my introductory comments this evening. I observed that as big a night as this is for you, it’s an even bigger night for your parents. I ascribed their happiness to looking forward to a few more “George Washingtons” in their bank accounts. While this is certainly true, there is another reason.
Each of your parents believes that their hard work has paid off. Finally! They believe that maybe — just maybe — they have raised and nurtured the next Jack Welch, Meg Whitman, or Patricia Russo.
Don’t disappoint them. Don’t disappoint your companies. And don’t disappoint yourselves.
As you begin your business careers, and as you travel throughout the world to assure America’s continued global economic leadership, remember your hand. And remember to do your part to influence perception.
Remember that the middle finger — the United States — always stands out. If you’re smart, if you exhibit emotional intelligence as well as academic intelligence, if you ascribe positive intent to all your actions on the international business stage, this can be a great advantage. But if you aren’t careful — if you stomp around in a tone-deaf fog like the ignoramus in Beijing — it will also get you in trouble. And when it does, you will have only yourself to blame.
Graduates, as you aggressively compete on the international business stage, understand that the five major continents and their peoples — the five fingers of your hand — each have their own strengths and their own contributions to make. Just as each of your fingers must coexist to create a critically important tool, each of the five major continents must also coexist to create a world in balance. You, as an American businessperson, will either contribute to or take away from, this balance.
So remember, when you extend your arm to colleagues and peoples from other countries, make sure that you’re giving a hand, not the finger. You will help your country, your company, and yourself, more than you will ever know.
Thank you very much.
Gynaecologist’s Assistant – Job Application
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant.
Interested he goes to learn more – ‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies – ‘Oh yes here it is:
The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynaecologist.You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions.You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the gynaecologist’s examination.
There’s an annual salary of $45,000, but you’re going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That’s about 620 miles from here.’
‘Oh why, is that where the job’s is located?’ ‘No sir – that’s where the end of the applicants’ line is!’
The Sweetheart’s Gloves
A young man wished to buy a pair of gloves for his sweetheart’s
Birthday, so he went to an expensive boutique, bought the
Finest gloves available and asked the saleswoman to have
Them delivered with a note.
While wrapping the gloves,
A clerk accidentally mixed up the order and sent a pair of Panties instead.
Here is the note the young man sent to his sweetheart:
Darling, I chose these, because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have chosen long ones with buttons, but because your sister wears the short ones that are so easy to remove, I decided to get the same style for you.
P. S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Mother of all family problems
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said:
“You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation.
A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married.
“Later my father married my step daughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father’s son, but he was also the son of my wife’s daughter which made him my wife’s grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. “This was nothing until my wife and I had a son.
Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother.
“This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister
is my father’s wife, I’m my stepmother’s brother-in-law, my wife is her own child’s aunt, my son is my father’s nephew and I’m My own grandfather!
And you think you have family problems?!”
Fartastic
And just before you thought it was over, consider this footballer, Mr Levy Foster and the match official Mr Bunny Reid.
Levy Foster and Match official Bunny Reid
Now what on earth do you think happened? Why has Bunny the referee handed Levy a yellow card? Come on take a guess!
You are so wrong!!
Let me tell you what actually took place.You see, Levy was having his boots checked before kick-off when, unannounced he broke wind.
Yes, the man FARTED!
Bunny Reid was so incensed that he threatened to send him off until Levy apologised profusely must have insisted it was mother nature and wasn’t intentional. He convinced Bunny the referee into just giving him a warning, hence the yellow card and the laughter.
As you can see from the photograph above, Mr Bunny, obviously did not see the funny side of it at all, I would go as far as saying he must still have been holding his breath judging by the squeeze on his face, when he produced the yellow card.
Have a wonderful weekend guys and God bless you all.
The juggler called life
“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the Air.”
“You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four Balls – Family, Health, Friends and Spirit – are made of glass.
If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.
They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it. “
How?
- Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
- Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
- Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
- Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
- Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
- Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together.
- Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
- Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings!
- Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you are going.
- Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
- Don’t be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
- Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step of the way…
Bryan Dyson
Speech by Bryan Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola)
Eme Akenzua, Top Hat designer, gave birth aged 40 after 6 years of marriage and 4 miscarriages…
I will not say much for now except to encourage you to read this interview of a unique lady (Mrs Eme Akenzua)whom I met,very briefly last week. I promise to tell you much more about her, as the world needs to know more about this gift to Nigeria.
Get ready to be goose pimpled with inspiration.
Enjoy.
The journey of a hundred miles, it is said, begins with a step. This was exactly the case with Eme Akenzua, the Chief Executive of John 3v3, an outfit that deals in hat-making in Ikoyi. Being able to combine managing an outfit with her home may not have come without challenges. But, in this interview with Dorcas Sumonu, Eme, as she is fondly called by family members and friends, told us that planning her time with discipline has helped her to achieve a reasonable success in her business as well as ensured that the home-front does not suffer
Q: Tell us a little about yourself
My name is Eme Akenzua. I’m an entrepreneur, designer, milliner, and a mother. Basically, I run a business where we design hand-crafted hats and other fashion accessories. I’ve been doing that for about 17 years and I’m married to Niyi Akenzua. I had my baby last year at the age of 40.
Q: Tell us about your childhood, what was growing up like for you?
It was probably the most exciting time of my life. I have parents who are two of the most loving people I’ve met in my life. My dad died last year at the age of 82. They were both very strict parents. At that time, it seemed like they were just out of place somehow; but I’m grateful to them for the sort of upbringing they gave us. They were able to strike a balance between discipline and love. That made the difference. And we all turned out quite well. We all run one business or the other and we are successful at what we are doing.
I’m grateful to them and I know it’s the foundation they gave to us that made it possible for us to be where we are today. They gave everything for us. I remember once, I was acting a play in secondary school and we had to act at the Cultural Centre in Port Harcourt. Parents and other people were invited. When we turned out there, the only parents sitting in the hall were my parents. The principal kept on apologising to them. The event was for 6 o’clock, but by 8 o’clock, the principal was going to go ahead for us to do the play. But my parents refused. They said they didn’t want to watch it alone. But that they would go and come back whenever they decided to act the play again. That shows the kind of people they were. They would give up everything to be there for their kids. I think that was fantastic; and I keep saying that if I can give my child 10% of what they gave me, I would score myself as an excellent parent.
Q: What about your school days?
My parents sent us all to the best school available at the time and this was Port Harcourt Primary School. I remember our school fees was 66 pounds at the time; so, we were considered to be very privileged kids growing up. Secondary school was Federal Government Girls College, Abloma, and then, I went on to the University of Ibadan to study History. I didn’t necessarily want to study history. I felt that after secondary school, I should go and do fashion designing; but my dad insisted that I should go on and get a degree because he felt people would not respect me and associate with me if I didn’t have a degree. And I’m very grateful to him that he allowed me move on to the university. This is especially because of the kind of environment we find ourselves; people attach a lot of meaning to paper certificate like that. I don’t think that should be the case anyway. But that is what it is here.
Q: So, it would be right to say fashion designing is what you have always wanted to do, even as a child?
Right from when I was very young, I had always had the gift of using my hands to create things; but what I wasn’t sure of back then was what aspect of fashion I wanted to go into – whether, clothes, hats and so on. But I started off doing clothes when I was in the university and I also did people’s hair. But when I finished, by divine leading, I decided to go and learn hat making.
Q: Can it be said that that was how you came about the name of your outfit, John 3v3, by divine leading?
My relationship with God is absolutely important. I feel that the basis of anyone’s existence is that they have a relationship with God and I try as much as possible to let him guide me in the things that I do in life. Really, when you look at life, what more? After all these, where is one going to? That guides me all the time. And I know that probably the strongest philosophy I have in life is what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and at the end lose his life? After all we need to do here, what next? So, when it was time to start off my business, I needed a name; and I prayed about it and that was the name that came to me – John 3v3.
Q: You have been into business for 17 years; what has your experience being like?
I’m not where I think I should be yet, but we’ve come a very long way from having absolutely nothing. I left England, where I did my millinery course at Rose Cosy Private College, I was there for four years. I got back here but I didn’t have enough money to pay for a shop. A friend of mine was kind enough to allow me use a room in their office. So, I started there. This was on Jacob’s Street in Ojuelegba. That was not the sort of place one would want to start a couture millinery outfit and that troubled me a great deal. But I didn’t have any choice. Well, I did have one choice; the only choice was for me to have it in Port Harcourt where my parents were. They were prepared to give me a property in Port Harcourt. But if one wants to do anything that has to do with fashion, I think Lagos is the place to be. So, I didn’t want to start in Pot Harcourt. That means that the only option I had was to accept what they were giving me in Jacob Street.
But then, you know God is very great. If he calls you to do something, no matter where you are, he will fish you out. So, I started there. Much people didn’t know about it there, except for a handful Nigerians who I had meet while in England. So step-by-step, we started. It was not easy really. It is not that it just happened one day. No. It was a long journey. But it has been like all the time, there is a big God guiding this little person; walking behind him.
So, I spent about two years on Jacob Street and I moved to a place in Surulere, which was the first rented place I had. It was a little one-bedroom apartment. So, I divided the bedroom into two, which became a bedroom and the shop on the other side. In the night, it was completely a house and in the daytime, half of it was a store and the other a serving room. I stayed there for another two and a half years. I moved on to Awolowo Road in Ikoyi some five years ago.
There have been some general challenges that anyone doing business in Nigeria would encounter, such as not having constant electricity.
Besides that is the fact that you cannot walk into a bank to get a loan without collateral. How many small business owners have collateral to pledge? So, that was a challenge; but I was able to overcome that challenge, making sure that I take a deposit from you and take the balance when the job is finished. But that requires a lot of discipline, which a lot of people starting off business do not have. You collect deposit and use it for what you are supposed to use it for and when the balance comes, you don’t just spend it on a nice jewellery; you keep it and let your business grow. And that was how we really grew without having to take a loan. In summary, I’ll say it has been a great challenge and an interesting one. I look at all challenges as an opportunity to move on to the next level. But sometimes, it can be daunting.
Q: You have been married for about eight years. Having to run a business with your home, how have you been able to strike the balance?
First of all, let me here honour my husband. He is a tremendous man. He is a very understanding person. He allows me and encourages me to be all that he feels God wants me to be. And that is very helpful for any lady to successfully run her business. If you don’t have the support of your husband, then it is really very difficult. And my heart goes out to women who I hear are being asked to make a choice between their homes and their businesses. I think it is an unfair treatment, because just as the man wants to become everything that God wants him to be, women have also been sent into this world to do something.
However, I do not recommend at all that you run your business at the expense of your home. No, I’m not one of those people who believe in such. And I think it is just managing your time effectively. I think that is very I important. Again, this involves a little of sleepless nights. Sometimes, I sit up on my computer very late into the night. I try to ensure that my home is well set up and I have also been blessed with very good helps at home. I give them instructions and they are able to follow the instructions.
What I also do is that I run my home like a business. I don’t shop everyday for my household things. I shop monthly. That cuts out a lot of time where you have to run out today and tomorrow to buy meat and so on. I stock my freezer properly and take out one Saturday when we sort all the food items out and put them where they are supposed to be. That is basically it: managing your time. Also one has to plan ahead. Though I believe that God is in control of the future, I know that he also requires us to plan properly.
I was recently at an event where you mentioned that you were not able to have a child for about six years in marriage. Tell me about your experience during that time?
I got married in 1998 and I was about 33 at that time. My earnest desire at that age (because, obviously I wasn’t young) was to have a child immediately. I got pregnant but five and a half months into the pregnancy, I just felt a little pain and had to be rushed into the hospital and found out that I was 4cm dilated. The following day, they decided to put a stitch in my cervix to hold up the baby. They delivered me of this healthy baby boy, but obviously, he was too small and they made no attempt to keep him. So, I lost him and I came into a world that I never knew existed at all. I thought the problem was getting pregnant and having the baby; but that wasn’t to be the case.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be the first and only time. I had that for about three other times. The last miscarriage, I nearly lost my life. My cervix was very badly damaged by the medical personnel and this was in England. In fact, the doctor is one of the Queen’s list of doctors. He is supposed to be the best, but he left the placenta inside of me and sent me home. Two days later, I started haemorrhaging and I was again picked up in an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. After much ado, they managed to safe my life and then, I went into shock. That meant my system shut down. I suppose God has a purpose for my life. I came out of that experience; that was in 1999. All of these four miscarriages happened within one and a half years. It was very emotionally draining; but then, again my very supportive and wonderful husband was with me all through. We practically went through it together. So, afterwards, we decided not to talk about the issue of children again. I just thought that being alive was more important than having a child. We pushed that away for couple of years.
After about three years, we decided to revisit the issue. So, we were moving from one hospital to the other. To America, London and everywhere. To sum it all up, the reports were very bad. Half of my cervix had been turned up. What we thought was a small problem before was seriously magnified. The last doctor we saw in America said to us that we had two choices: either we adopted a child or get a surrogate mother to carry the child for me. I said ‘thank you’ to him and we left. But we didn’t give up. We were still praying.
All along we felt the need to hold on to God strongly, which to us was the only way we could come out of it. So we prayed all the time, asking for God’s leading and guidance. And by 2004, I found I was pregnant again. But mind you between 1999 to June 2004, there was no pregnancy. But I remembered the prayer I prayed to God; that he should not let me get pregnant until what was wrong with me had been sorted out. Everybody prayed for me- my family and my husband’s family and friends alike were all there for me.
By January 26th 2005, I gave birth to this healthy baby boy at full terms during the pregnancy. I had to be in bed for about eight months. I had to do two injections every day, because they found out that I had some blood clothing disorder. So, after a while, blood stopped getting to the baby, which was responsible for all the problems. So, they needed me to be on a blood thinner.
That was a huge challenge, because injections are a no-go area for me. But when I look back now, I just know that there is something called ‘grace’ and God is the one who grants grace. Each time I look back, I don’t know how I was able to take two injections everyday and I did it myself. But I thank God. You know; it was so challenging that I had to do the injections on the tummy. It was really scary, because each time I did that, I always thought I was going to pass the injection through the baby; but when I told them of my fears at the hospital, they just laughed and said the baby was so far from it.
Q: What advice do you have for women who are going through the same situation?
For the women going through it, it brings tears to my eyes. This is because it is not an easy place to be. My heart goes out to them. I must start with that. I pray that they have a supportive husband and family. But if they don’t, there is always somebody who cares so much; and that is God. He is always there when there is nobody. And even if you have a supportive husband and family, they would not be there all the time. For instance, your husband may go to sleep or even travel when you go through pains; so he is not there all the time. Your sisters or brothers would not be there all the time but God is always there. He is an ever-present help in the time of trouble. You can call on Him all the time.
Just kneel down by your bedside and tell him how you feel and how you are hurting. He understands. There are days when I couldn’t talk but I just knelt by my bedside and shed tears because I couldn’t understand why it was happening. We prayed; we couldn’t see the reason why it was happening. But in the end, he showed us why. It was some blood disorder and somebody discovered that that was the reason when we ran some tests. But again, there was something else I did while I was waiting to have a child. I went out there and just loved other people’s children. I used to spend a lot of time in Little Saints Orphanage and other orphanages I visited. These children also enjoyed the company of a mother figure; because I found out that a lot of us going through this, the tendency is there that you become selfish. You lock yourself away from the world because you think everybody is laughing at you. So, you just develop thick skin. I didn’t develop a thick skin. I just decided that it wasn’t the end of the world.
And then, also on Sundays, I would pick up kids from church and take them for lunch. Sometimes, in my house and other times, I would take them to eateries where we had fun together. Sometimes on Saturday I could pick 10 to 12 children in my bus and we would move from one entertainment joint to another. People saw me and asked how many of these kids are yours? And I always told them that they were all mine. But when they pestered me too much, I just told them none was mine. But I had fun. I enjoyed the fun of having a child even though, I didn’t have a biological child. So, I advised them to go out there and be a blessing to other kids. God is watching and there is no way it would not come back to them. I advised them to go and do all their medicals, so that they know what they are praying about. But the good old book says ‘Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning’. They will surely come out of this; it is just a question of time.
Q: What can you say are the ingredients of your success?
Again, I point to God. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without him. Perseverance is one of the ingredients. I don’t give up when I want to do anything. I set my face like a flint. I don’t see the discouragement. All I see is a goal in front of me, and until I achieve that goal, I will not rest. And you have to have tremendous discipline. Like I said earlier, I see a lot of people who are starting off business and the business has hardly taken off and they have a jeep. So, I wonder how they are able to do that. For me, when I was starting, it was just my business and I did everything in my power to ensure that it took off; which means I was not dressing the way my friends were dressing. And I couldn’t drive the kind of car I would like to drive. But I didn’t mind because I needed the business to take off and those things I’d be able to afford very easily. Again, you need to be confident in who you are, so that you don’t get carried away by what goes on around you.
Q: What advice do you have for younger ones who would like to venture into your kind of business?
They should be disciplined. They should persevere and not give up. There will always be challenges. I face challenges as I’m sitting down here today, though it might seem that I have arrived. But they should see those challenges as a stepping stone to the next stage they are going to. Don’t let them put you off. You need to be absolutely focused on what you are doing. Don’t try to be everything. Try to carve a niche for yourself. I also say to people to try and pick up a business of something they enjoy doing naturally, because it is easy for them to excel that way.
For instance, if someone puts me in a bank, you will have a woeful disaster. I will not be able to function, because I couldn’t be in that sort of environment, whereas somebody else just needs to be there. Know what you enjoy doing as a person naturally. Pursue it and stay in there. It won’t be easy in the beginning, but it will work. And do all you are doing with all your heart. Do it excellently. Don’t do half measure and don’t try to cheat people. For instance, somebody gave you a 12-inch cake to do and you do a 10-inch cake and you think they are blind, and you want them to accept it. That is wrong. Have a standard and don’t lower the standard. I say to young people starting business, have a standard and don’t lower it for any reason. Excellence is very important.
For your information, the interview was published, Sunday, April 16, 2006.
END
Interview courtesy of Daily Independent Online.
“Outrage in Washington over Obama’s bow in Japan”, this was how DrudgeReport captured it on its site.
That wasn’t the first time Americans have cried over their President bowing to another Fella. The Americans just cannot for a nanosecond imagine it.
Obama in Japan
What the Americans, mostly the conservatives, are screaming about is a bash to their ego. The far right online newspapers are going berserk. Fox News, the king or Queen of them all screamed with its headline; “Obama draws fire for bow to Japanese Emperor.” While MSNBC wept with the headline “Obama ’s bow in Japan sparks some criticism” provided a comprehensive coverage of the saga with references to various other sites.
Obama in Saudi Arabia
So why now?
Why not now?
Isn’t this the first time Americans would have a Black man occupy a White House?
I personally think its a Black thing.
What do you think?
Obama in White House
Obama’s ancestors (Africans) bowed to everything out of respect; however, this should not be misconstrued to be out of fear or submission.
Africans I must point out are a very proud and respectful race. There are not many Africans lived and raised in Africa, without being MTV polluted, who would not, out of respect to whom they consider to be an elder in age or position, prostrate, bow or make an attempt to bow as a form of respect. This is just the way it is and has always been.
I don’t see a problem with this. If I bow to you, it certainly does not make me inferior. I am just being courteous. That is how I see it. I can only speak for myself. It is simply a gesture and nothing more.
It would be disrespectful of me if I refuse to take off my shoes when visiting a home in a country with a culture that expects you to. How about in the Middle East, where women are expected to cover their hair? I would expect a visitor, no matter how highly placed she may be to adhere to this practice.
So for Americans to now believe President Obama is handing over Super power to Saudi Arabia or Japan simply because he takes a bow is incongruous.
I would say, they better get used to it because it’s a black thing. This is one of the many ways in which, those that are respectful (as I need to be very careful here, less I’d be accused of being judgemental) express their respect.
I would say the Blacks all over the world, especially Africans and Nigerians to be specific, need to take a leaf from President Obama.
He may have been brought up in Hawaii by white grandparents; still, he has refused to compromise that act of expressing genuine African respect. What an opportunity for sociologists all over the world to study and learn more about the respectful culture of Africa.
Courteous Obama
This is not to say that all Africans outside Africa still imbibe this culture. I doubt it. The Asians, on the other hand are still very much loyal to their culture.
I would go on to add that, many who jump to condemn President Obama are unaware of Protocol guidelines that the President has to adhere to. If they did, they will not jump to conclusions as the conservative Americans who have been waiting in the wings have.
Take for instance, excerpts from a Modern Protocol, a booklet designed to assist members of the American diplomatic mission in getting grips with the basics of diplomatic protocol had to say in its introduction;
“Few things are as anxiety provoking for the first-time embassy or mission employee or family member as the notion of diplomatic protocol. Protocol can sound both stuffy and mysterious at the same time; and most of us believe we have had little experience in our non government lives to prepare us. In fact, the rules and processes of diplomatic protocol are based in pragmatic thinking, common sense, and good manners—areas where we all have had some experience.”
Hhmmnnn!!
The booklet went on to advise envoys to be aware of greeting rituals such as kisses, handshakes or bows and to follow a country’s tradition. “Failure to abide with tradition may be interpreted as rudeness or a lack of respect for colleagues,” it says.
Whether this applies to the President or not is immaterial, what is good for the goose is fantastic for the gander. So the President must lead by example.
President Obama, me, I salute you.
You are BLACK and you are certainly PROUD of it. I am as well.
Thanks for reading and God bless you.
What exactly should I be happy over? Nigeria’s qualification with a trip to South Africa, the host of next year’s world cup or the danger the country would be subjected to as a result of Nigeria’s World cup qualification?
Nigerian Supporters
As much as I tried my best not to get emotionally involved, a text back and forth to Bayo Dossy (a JSD commentator) got me right in the mood and prepared me for the turbulence of been a football supporter of the Senior National team tagged the Super Eagles.
Rather bald looking in appearance and display, it was indeed a game which was handed over to ‘Pa Eagles’ by their compatriots, the Carthage Eagles from Tunisia.
Yes, they were that bad, I mean our own dear Eagles.
Take it from me, without a shred of emotion.
Terrible, they were. Woeful.
How they were unable to string passes cleverly and effortlessly executed by the eaglets representing Nigeria at the just concluded under 17 World held in Nigeria, was preposterous.
English Grammar?
Okay, ridiculous is another word. How about that?
Football fans were subjected to a weekend of travail, watching Nigeria play in vital World Cup matches, both finals in their own rights. What a weekend it was.
It was a Sweet Bitter pill to swallow, with a victory and a loss.
It was like we had spent all our lives praying instead of preparing a rugged defence.
As a religious country, we had inadvertently forced the soccer hands of God to dangle before us two vultures, instead of two carrots, but the two vultures had options on who to devour.
The first option was an opportunity to qualify for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa while the second option was a victory in the under 17 World Cup.
And judging by the jubilation on the streets of Nigeria, we sacrificed eaglets to the Swiss vultures, who had been starved of victory in a FIFA organised tournament, ever since they came into existence.
Such a shame they did it against Nigeria!
Honestly, I would have opted for a victory for the Eaglets. I don’t know what Bayo Dossy’s options would have been as he kept on reminding me with every goal scored against the ‘Papa’ Eagles that the results were going his way. However, immediately after the final whistle was blown, the euphoria in his voice gave his game away. He was beside himself with joy. I know he would refute this claim, but I could just about sense the relief. He was so happy.
Like every other football crazy Nigerian supporter who pretended to have given up all hope on Nigeria going on a sight scene to South Africa next summer, there was jubilation and relief on the streets and I can assure you that instead of the NFF (Nigeria Football Federation) and the coach sit down and discuss tactics on how better they prepare the team, they would rather increase their prayers and fasting.
No amount of crocodile tears from Africa’s most celebrated footballer, Nwankwo Kanu would change the fact that based on our inept preparation, clueless manager and incompetent administrators; we would be hung to dry next summer.
That is, unless, the premature celebration stops now.
If not;
All would be exposed to the world to see how really bad we are at preparing for a major tournament such as the world cup.
All would be exposed to see the veracious greedy Nigerian administrators.
It is for this reason I fear all the hard work that has been put into rebranding the image of Nigeria could be in jeopardy.
I hope I am wrong, but then again, many would think I am anti Christ for telling all that care to read;”praying without a work ethic is futile.”
Having said all that, SOUTH AFRICA HERE WE COME and God help us all.
I hope to eat my words, any volunteers?
Thanks for stopping by and God bless.
Erma Bombeck
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”
There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” …but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.
Toyin Onabowu sent me this email with a request to pass on to 5 women. I thought, Erma Bombeck’s message deserves to be read by more than 5 ladies, hence this post. Erma Bombeck wrote her these particular thoughts after she found out she was dying from cancer.
I wish I could read my dad’s last remaining thoughts when he knew or thought he was probably dying of Prostate Cancer.
My thoughts, Live life to the fullest investing in human beings rather than material things.
The Mayonnaise Jar with its elements
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, When 24 hours in a day is not enough; remember the mayonnaise jar.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him..
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and starts to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else – The small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued,’there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So…
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Wholeheartedly worship your God. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.
‘Take care of the golf balls first – The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
‘I’m glad you asked’.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’
Please share this with other “Golf Balls”
I just did……
Photograph Courtesy of Elementary Teacher blogger.
Dear All
The festive period is very much around us. While we are planning big for the period through hard work, some idle hands are busy planning evil just to make it fast and look big during the same period through robbery and other means.
However, if you are driving at night and have some eggs thrown at your car’s windshield, do not operate your wiper or spray any water. Be reminded that eggs mixes with water and becomes milky which may block ones vision up to 92.5 % and one can be forced to stop at road side thereby becoming a victim of robbery. God forbid!!
Don’t stop either. Just try to see through the side window of the car to drive up to a safe distance before pulling off the road for a thorough wash of the screen.
This is a new technique used by robbers in Nigeria.
The Lord will surely see all us through the period safely and shield us from all evils, Amen. Take care and drive safely while wishing you the best compliments of the seasons. Happy New Year in advance.
Have a restful weekend and please help spread this xmas warning.
How dare you?
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation..
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
‘Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.’
The lady can’t take this any more,
‘You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig!’ she retorted indignantly. ‘In this country, we don’t speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives!’
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man. ‘Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi .’
$50 says you’re gonna read this again.
Oh Ralphy…..
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS
A teacher asks her class, ‘If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?’
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, ‘None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.’
The teacher replies, ‘The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..’
Then little RALPHY says, ‘I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?’
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ‘Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.’
To which Little RALPHY replied, ‘The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,’ but I like your thinking.’
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 2)
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
‘Why?’ asks the father?
‘The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3,” I said ‘6′, replies RALPHY.
‘But that’s right!’ says his dad.
‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?”
‘What’s the f…… difference?’ asks the father.
‘That’s what I said!’
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’
RALPHY says ‘Mas-tur-bate..’
Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful.’
Little RALPHY says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.’
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.’
‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied the teacher. She then called o n little Michael.
‘My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.’
She said, ‘Excellent, Michael!’ Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
‘Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said ‘Beautiful, just f…… beautiful!”
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, ‘Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.’
Little RALPHY replied, ‘My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.’
The man asked, ‘Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?’
Little RALPHY answered, ‘No, he minded his own f……. business.
1+2 = 3
Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can’t even begin to imagine how their mind is working….
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything…tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise; Little Zachary got an ‘A’ in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, ‘Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?’ Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. ‘Well, then,’ she replied, was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?’
Little Zachary looked at her and said, ‘Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.’
Hello Reader.
Welcome to my blog.
This blog will serve as my personal diary which I have chosen to share with you. It will detail my personal experiences here in Nigeria, Africa.
I moved back a few months ago (from the United Kingdom, after 19 years of unforced leave) to work with a visionary property development company. Life has suddenly become more interesting. United Kingdom (UK) is history to me.
I will keep you abreast with my new life in Nigeria. I will also welcome questions from you. I will be happy to answer any question from you regarding relocating to Nigeria, life in general, Nigerians, inconveniences, inadequate infrastructure, doing business, buying properties, etc. Take me as your relocation consultant for now. I am already playing that role, free of charge, to friends who have inundated me with questions.
I like to encourage and motivate people. So it’s definitely not going to be gloomy stuff from me.
You will have my entries in several categories which will include; Personal Thoughts (my daily experiences), Inspirational (uplifting articles) and Hitmail (sensible emails making the rounds) amongst others.
Let me tell you now, I thank God for my life. My relocation has been one of the best moves I have ever made and I am determined to let you all know about this.
So, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”.
This is a quotation by his royal highness Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Ruler of Dubai. With this attitude to life, right now, Dubai has become one of “THE” destinations to visit in the world.
Once again, welcome to the Jide Salu Diary.
Rosa sat
So that
Martin can stand.
Martin stood,
So that
Obama can run.
Obama ran,
So that
You and our Children can fly.
- Barack Obama has just been crushed in his bid for congress.
- His credit card was rejected at the car rental.
- In 2000, he could not get a pass to attend the Democratic convention, so he ended up watching most of the speeches on TV monitors in the arena. And he decided to go home early. His political future was not clear.
- He also lost a Democratic primary run for the U.S. House of Representatives that same year.
- In 2004, he ran for U.S. Senate and with a landslide victory of 70 percent of the votes, Obama became the third African American to be elected in the U.S. Senate since Reconstruction and the fifth African American to be elected in U.S. history. Obama also became the only African American senator in the 109th Congress.
- In July 2004, Obama was finally invited to deliver the keynote address at the 2004 DNC in Boston.
- On February 10, 2007, Obama announced his candidacy for President of the United States.
- On November 4, 2008, eight years from losing his primary run for the U.S. House of Representatives, he was elected to become the 44th President of the United States.
This dream is not just an American dream, this is a dream for the world.
My man snatch,
Look we need to put our thinking filas on and put something together. Yes, I saw your comments and thanks for that “Jay-Z” info. I know that talents and minds such as yours are desperately required on this side of the equation. I am not saying, all is rosy, but you will get a sense of belonging, a sense of ownership, a sense of contributing to the development of a country and most importantly, a sense of importance. Obama is only 47, by the way, I am an Obamaist (a believer in the hope of change), Fashola (Governor of Lagos state, Nigeria) is 45, so that makes us in charge of our destiny. We are in charge. In my little way, rather than wait for that big financial supporter whom I would have to fast and pray for first, before my proposal and dreams are even checked out, I have decided to just start. Just do it.
If Obama had listened to his friends who had well coined advice for him, history would have been delayed. Yes delayed, because It had been written that a black person would one day rule the most influential and powerful nation on mother earth. It was Obama that applied for that coveted and ridiculously ambitious position. It was Obama that dared all. It was Obama that said “YES WE CAN” and it was Obama that just did it.
Obama has single handedly, by his blindness in his beliefs and actions, eradicated the word “I can’t” from MY DICTIONARY. I don’t know about you. I am talking for myself.
So my brother, enough talk, let’s just do it. The clock is counting down…
Today: 20th November 2008.
My sincere apologies for having not told you that I would be away for a couple of days. I had to travel 416 kilometres to a town called Ilesa in Osun State of Nigeria, for a funeral of PA Dr. LEWRENCE OMOLE. He died 8.30am on Friday (14th November) morning in his house the Castle of Mercy. More of Pa Omole later.
So you see, I travelled with my mum in my car, well, it was a risk I had to take, because of all it’s been through (read previous blog entries). You know what, Muyi drove it like it’s never been driven before and my car duly obliged. My mum, who has never been use to long trips did not realise that it would take over 4 hours to get to our destination.
I left Wifey (my darling) to the mercy of my children. I must say, it was a bit tough on her because, at the moment, she does not have a car of her own yet, so she had to seek alternative ways to ferry and collect the children from school. On top of that, was the issue of the Generator playing up. We have been without National grid supplied electricity for close to 5 days now.
For those who are unfamiliar with the use of generators in Nigeria, it has become a way of life for us as our national grid, PHCH- Power Holding Company in Nigeria (popularly known as NEPA – Never Expect Power Always or Power Has Changed Hands) is efficiently unreliable. Unfortunately, if you do not want to develop high blood pressure or suffer from previously undetected ailments, my advice would be not to think about it. Just get on with life. My fellow Nigerians in the better developed part of mother earth, has fantastically sited this inefficiency of power supply as reasons for not settling in Nigeria. As for me, I have chosen to eradicate this thought from my psyche and get on with it. You need to see very successful Nigerians conducting business. It’s like any other place in the world.
My N84, 000 (84, 000 Naira), China shipped generator, has had many hands attended to it. Yesuf, a young talented, unoccupied, self trained electrician cum handy man was previously given the responsibility to manage the generator. (You see, you need someone like Yesuf, whom you can call at any minute to handle these chores) Yesuf who has misbehaved so many times and forgiven times in advance is a talented liar. I developed interest in Yesuf purely based on the fact that I know this guy is talented and if directed, can do much more for himself and his young wife ( oh yes, wife, unemployed, that is no big deal). He succeeded in sacking himself because for reasons best known to him, he just could not cope any more. Telling the truth was not only alien to Yesufu, but to 99.9% of artisans (and for your information, this is a global trend). So, off went YESUF. It was the turn of CHRIS. Chris challenge was the distance he had to navigate to get to my house. He did what he had to. CHRIS left my unhappy generator as he met it, unhappy. WALE was next in turn. When Wale came, at first, we thought he was the “Messiah “, until he decided to help himself with a vital part of the generator which has now rendered it to pull and start only, rather that customary modern way of turning on a generator (key start).Wale’s mobile number has since been deleted from my list of contacts and now guess what, I am now back with CHRIS. This time, monitored and directed by Bayo (my dear brother –in-law), a more experienced Nigerian artisan Supervisor. I am forever grateful to him.
Yesterday, Wifey sent me a text, informing me of Chris’s new diagnosis. I was flabbergasted, Bayo was mad. The latest is that Chris will come today to try fix it and our household would (hopefully) begin to enjoy the noise generated electricity. Daughter would then be able burn the “light” and not the candles in order to complete her project on the lap top. It’s all fun. It is all new to the children, but they love it all. What we, as adults, call tribulations, they, as children see it as a new experience.
When Gov., first arrived in Nigeria, he was on cloud 9 to see a small, red headed, constantly nodding alligator. It turned out to be a lizard. He still screams with excitement when he sees a cockroach going about its business somewhere in the house. Prof (hisolder brother) finds it interesting to count the number of mosquito bites on his legs and hands when he wakes up in the morning. Daughter, just cannot stand the delightful, but irritating mosquito sound. She screams at anyone who dare leaves the door to her room not shut, especially at night.
Back to Ilesa, located in Osun state, a town of proud ijeshas and noted for their delicacy of Pounded yam (Iyan) was host to the funeral of a giant amongst giants – PA Dr. LAWERENCE OMOLE (11th October 1915 – 14th November 2008. For those who attended University of Ife, Pa Lawrence’s unyielding benevolence is there for all to see. His numerous academic scholarships through his Foundation, his Cocoa businesses, his trucks, his houses, his establishment of the Trophy brewery, etc were all testament to this great man’s achievement. This was a man who never accepted a chieftaincy title in spite of the numerous offers. Instead, he served the people of Ilesha and Nigeria with a name without any title.
His abode, the Castle of Mercy, is a well known landmark in Ilesa. My grand uncle (My grandmother was nee Omole) died 8.30am Friday morning leaving instructions for his burial to take place within a few days. He did not want to be taken to the mortuary; hence he was lightly embalmed and laid on his bed. He also left strict instructions for his inexpensive casket to be lowered into a freshly dug hole without marbles and all other expensively decorated paraphernalia, in his compound. This was a man that knew death was inevitable. He prepared for it. The ceremony ought to be a small family affair, but for an event that took 6 days to hastily arrange, it turned out to be a controlled state affair. At the Anglican Cathedral ilesa, where the church service took, top dignitaries represented the Osun state. Ijesha traders took advantage of the event. Brisk business was made inside and outside the church (I doubt if grand uncle would have minded, as he was a genius of a business man).
He lived life to the very fullness. I would say he died, almost, if not completely, completing his assignment here on mother earth, judging by the legacy he left behind. Grand Uncle, Pa Dr. Lawrence Omole, sir, may your soul rest in perfect peace.
Wifey, thank God, survived the two days, thanks to our kind neighbour and I arrived home just gone past 7pm after a 7 hour drive.
…..“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Nigeria is R O C K I N G, as J T Taylor danced, Sunborn Yacht docked, Chris Gardner spoke and Dai Lama will philosophise.
Today: 26th November 2008.
(1055 words)
Many have wondered about the extent of my love for my country Nigeria. I really can’t explain it, the very same reasons how I can’t explain my love for my wife (even though she often says I don’t profess it enough).
I just love Nigeria; I love it with a passion. The many years I spent in diaspora (I dislike this word with a passion) searching, looking to establish and make something of my life, I did, keeping an eye on Nigeria from such a distance. This is not to say that my experiences in the United Kingdom were in vain.Not all.
At parties, I am often singled out, defending the causes of Nigeria. I have always been and still am, an ardent believer in Nigeria. No one can convert me to abandon this love affair.
A very good friend of mine, Dr Tola Sobande, currently residing in America is another homosapien who is a believer in Nigeria. This true Nigerian often comes to Nigeria, converting his hard earned American Dollars to Nigerian Naira, travelling to Akure, Abeokuta and other places, seeking out sickle cell anaemia sufferers, providing them with medications to treat this devastating disease. Tola has done all this on his own. This surely makes him a dedicated Nigerian who believes that one day, our Obama shall come forth.
This is why I economise on the advice I sometimes give to people who either call or visit for a couple of days or a few days in fact, trying to find out what one can do in Nigeria. In my humble opinion, that is not the right approach to take. If you are waiting to be convinced about the prospects of Nigeria, what that tells me is that you have not burnt the bridges behind you. For you to succeed anywhere in the world, you must be a believer. Ask all the successful men and women all over the world. It is not different in Nigeria. I was a convert ever before I ventured back to Nigeria. I did not need convincing. The unconvinced will fly back at any small inconvenience as it would have been overtly exaggerated. It would seem you are looking for every excuse to depart.
You will not see me paint a picture of heaven; neither will I paint a picture of hell about Nigeria. My goal, however, is to assist you to make an informed decision about my country, Nigeria. The word ‘had I known’ is one of the most depressing words ever stringed together. My goal for you is to help you avoid ever applying that word to any situation that may come your way. I want to help you to avoid using it as an alibi.
Don’t get me wrong, not every Nigerian who has settled abroad would come back to their mother land. This is not possible. What I am advocating, however, is for those who still feel a part of Nigerian in them to take the bold and necessary steps to look inwards. Obama has made it easy for many Nigerians to seek solace in the fact that they don’t have to come back to mother Africa. However, Barack Hussein Obama is like a meteorite. Not until the early 19th cent. did scientists fully accept the fact that meteorites came to the earth from outer space. The same could be said about Obama. It is much easier and faster to fulfil your dreams in your mother land in spite of all the man – made self inflicted avoidable errors that frequently occur in Nigeria.
FB (namepurposely withheld, a brilliant, benevolent, gifted and one of the most connected young Nigerians around), is one of my mentors here in Nigeria.YES YOU NEED A MENTOR, if you have stayed away that long He often tells me that “in England or America, you can sit down and listen to the news about Brown, Bush, Cameron and now Obama, and may not have any direct link to these people, however, in Nigeria, it is different. You will know and have strong links to someone who has links to decision makers in.) He is very correct and it makes more sense to me now that I am on ground. I will be forever grateful to FB for all he has done, is doing and will do in the future. This man’s worth ethics is second to none.
Take it from me it is happening here in Nigeria. I have chosen to see what is happening and not what is not working or functioning as the case may be, because, like anywhere in the world, you can choose to focus on the wrong, ills, unworkable and bad news. CNN and SKY news agencies are FANTASTIC vehicles for spreading the ills of Africa which permeate the minds of the world including Nigerians in diasporas.
This month we have had J T Taylor of the Kool and the Gang fame performed in Lagos and Abuja, courtesy of MTN telecommunications.
The floating hotel, the 105 fitted executive bedrooms, state- of- the- art Yacht, Sunborn, has arrived and is docked at Marina, Lagos. This edifice, a masterpiece of the tourism world which has a total of six decks and an interior space of approximately 5,000 square metres is expected to provide a breathtaking ambience for corporate guests, conference delegates, wedding parties and leisure guests. It also has restaurants, meeting rooms, spas, saunas and lounges. It will add to the colourful environment of Lagos, Nigeria.
The Tibet Spiritual Leader, Dalai Lama is scheduled to attend this year’s Anyaim-Osigwe memorial lecture on 27th, to be held 10am, at the Nigerian Institute of International Affairs (NIIA).
Chris Gardner, the self -made millionaire, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, and philanthropist who, during the early 1980s, struggled with homelessness while raising his toddler son, Christopher, Jr also visited Nigeria. He was the Civic Center, along Ozumba Mbadiwe, Lagos and Abuja to inspire and talk about his book (in Pursuit of Happyness) portrayed in the 2006 motion picture by Wil Smith.
Another guru, the international branding expert, Martin Lindstrom will deliver a multimedia presentation of his latest work buy.ology at the Buyology Symposium billed for Lagoon Restaurant, Victoria Island, Lagos.
These Internationally recognised talents obviously do not suffer fools gladly. They know their onions and would not be tempted into mediocrity. Nigeria is rocking, take it from me.
Remember,
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Protected: “What were we up to this time last year?”
Today: 2nd December 2008.
(1018 words)
I dare you to trivialise the power of the internet. The power is awesome. What “we take for granted to help us share information around the world has become a staple in our cultural diet” says the Denver business journal. This publication went on to acknowledge Vint Cerf, one of the acclaimed fathers of the Internet who never anticipated the waves his invention would make when he started developing the network in 1969.
You are reading this diary via a blog that can only be accessed via the technology of the internet. The post man or woman delivers your mail and not your emails. With the power of this technology, I am now able to reconnect with school mates. This feat would almost have been impossible. But thanks to the power of one person’s idea, it is no longer an herculean task.
Facebook is one of the most popular social network web sites that facilitate this drama of reuniting friends. Believe it or not, almost on a daily basis, I have reconnected with very old ( I don’t mean it that way) dear friends. Oshioma Brai, Victor Okolo, Jide Wilkey, Bode Ladega (Big boy Lagos…of course I have seen you in the national newspapers), Abiye Koko, Leo Okocha, the Eghobamiens (Amena and Donald- where is Uyi? Please find me Uyi), my man Folayinka Esan (how is my brother Folarin?), Andrew Aroy-Ororho (I can still remember how cheeky you were), my man Michael Jetawo (Jet), Victor Ubaru (Wow) and My main man Bobbyyyyy Kushanu (always appreciate you bro, we have come a long way, “for your ears only”, I am working on something similar- you understand). I must thank Omoruyi Umweni, for his long list of Facebook contacts.Thanks Omo.
An electrical wiring gone wrong …
It was around past 3am this morning when I suddenly woke up to a burning smell. I quickly put to use the power of my sensory organs to detect and locate the source of this mishap. Wifey was up as well, all over the place. After over 5 minutes, we were still unable to locate where the smell was from. I went downstairs, now wide awake, whilst Wifey was over at the boys’ room and daughter’s. Still no success. Reluctantly, we gave up. Went back to bed, I had a less than 2 hours more anyway, so I wasn’t sure if I could go back to bed. Wifey on her part, knowing her was full of thoughts of what could be happening.
I eventually got up just before 5am, we both did, and started the search again. The worry was that while the generator was on burning fuel, the light in the house was already disconnected. This must surely have something to do with the smell. By now, Muyi had arrived. Wifey invited him to assist with the search. And after a few minutes, he found that the electrical wiring Yesuf did on Saturday was dangerously laid. It was a major disaster that was averted. How? I really do not know. The cable that was connected to a socket to provide power to the under stair storage was what was to be achieved. It could have caused a major fire since the net curtains were covering part of the cable. The burning just stopped short of the White net curtain. I really thank God. The moral of the story, avoid a “Yesuf”. But how? I don’t know. In hindsight, all this could have been avoided if I had chosen to disconnect the newly installed socket in the store after Wifey had persisted that she could hear a noise. Talk of women instinct. Yusuf was woken up from his slumber to remove the cable and all was fixed back to working order.
Naira falling…
I read with disbelieve a THISDAY report on how the Naira, the currency of Nigeria, took a nose dive in the south direction. By the look of it, it appeared the global credit crunch had taken a bite. However, it was for a different reason. Naira crashed last week as it shed N1.11 in value, THISDAY reported. “The naira, which opened for trading at N117.79: $1 yesterday at the official market, closed at N119.50: $1, because the apex bank could not meet the demand of foreign exchange end users who demanded $1.3 billion out of which the apex bank supplied just $100 million”. Traditionally at this time of the year, thousands of Nigerians travel back home to celebrate Christmas with family and friends, this brings about a surplus in foreign currencies. You can see that Nigeria is awash with money.
The ridiculous Property prices still on the rise…
Properties in Nigeria are still on the rise. Below are prices of properties (to buy) in high brow areas such as Ikoyi, Victoria Island and Lekki
- 4 bedroom Town House at Osborne Water Front – N150m
- A detached 5 bedroom house with BQ – N130m
- 4 bedroom semi detached house in VGC – N85m
- A plot measuring 5,100 m2 – N1.5 Billion
- A wing of 5 bedroom duplex with Boys quarters (BQ) in Opebi-Ikeja – N65m
To lease per year
- 4 bedroom terrace house in Parkview – $65,000
- A furnished 3 bedroom apartment (serviced) in Victoria Island – $85,000
- A furnished 4 bedroom semi detached house in Banana Island – N9m
- 4 bedroom luxury flat in Ikoyi – N8.5m
- 3 bedroom furnished flat in Ikoyi (short let) – N41,000/day
What can I say? The prices are ridiculous and the shocking news is that they are in so much demand that it is still a seller’s market out here.
An iconic building?
Nigeria cannot really boast of many iconic buildings. However, with the help of Charles Jencks argument, iconic buildings reflect the dominance of powerful forces and the decline of others. A similar building has emerged in Lagos, site along Ozumba Mbadiwe, in Victoria Island, Lagos. The Civic Centre overlooking the lagoon, was constructed courtesy of Jim Ovia of Zenith Bank. It stands today as a building recognised for all good the features.
Remember,
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Who says God does not answer prayers?
My friend Dele Adenaike sent me the above photograph of the President-Elect praying to God Almighty. I found it fascinating, hence the posting.
Today: 5th December 2008.
(490 words)
One of Nigerians best known footballers in the 70s, Haruna Ilerika has died. He was 69 years of age. It was a coincidence that I hadn’t heard of Haruna’s name for almost 25 years until 3 days ago when his name was mentioned on the Rhythm FM radio station. My face, upon hearing his name immediately registered a smile with memories of a special song dedicated to his exceptional dribbling skills coming to mind. Haruna, may your soul rest in perfect peace.
A long weekend.
There is a buzz in the atmosphere. Could it be the Christmas feeling? The Muslims in the main time have their Sallah holidays to observe. Monday and Tuesday next week have been declared public holidays here in Nigeria. It is the day of sacrifice also known as Eid el-Kabir or more commonly known as Sallah Day. It is a day Muslims worldwide celebrate the end of the year’s annual hajj – one of the five pillars of Islam – which falls on the 10th day of the lunar Dhul Hijjah month. It will be a long weekend and the banks are geared up to hand out millions of wads of Naira. It is a cash society where millions of Naira physically exchange hands. In fact many have taken the opportunity to travel out of the country. Such a person is my hard working Governor, Tunde Fashola who is currently in London meeting with Nigerians in Diaspora.
Muyi’s Effrontery.
My driver Muyi took it upon himself to apply his initiative, twice in a day, yesterday. That was not the problem at all. The problem was that he kept me waiting in the office till past 6pm in the process. When I called him to enquire about his movements, read what he had to tell me in his Benin (mid western part of Nigeria) accent, “Oga, I am with Kojo the mechanic”. What are you doing there, I asked with a harsh tone? To which he replied, “Oga, don’tttttttt worryyyyyyy, I will tell you laterrrrr”. I was furious. I hung up on him. Earlier in the day, this same guy was sent to give Tope, my NEPA contact, photocopy of my electricity bills. The instruction was for him to get to Tope by 10am. In applying his initiative, he decided to stop over at Tope’s office by 5.30pm.Of course Tope had since left, having done the night shift. It was his frantic phone call to me that alerted me of Muyi’s effrontery.Can you imagine? From 10am to 5.30pm.
I have been told several times by my mentors that I could be too lenient; soft is the word, with my staffs. In Nigeria dealing with staffs and artisans is an act that must be mastered. It is crucial this skill is acquired, and very fast.
Remember,
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Protected: Tips (11-20) You cannot run or hide away from challenges in Nigeria.
Today: 15th December 2008.
(1157 words)
Olu: Chief Jyde!
Olu ….. is online.
Babajide: Snatch r u still there?
Olu: Yes sir!
Babajide: Snatch my man
how r u doing?
busy busy I guess?
r u still with me? You guys can no longer blame Nigeria for providing a slow internet band width
Olu: hey boss, sorry o- at work so lots competing for my attention
Babajide: na wa o…how you dey anyway?
we must make time to chat so that we know what is on the cards..
what do you think?
Olu: i dey like dele
Babajide: I can see that
..have you had chance to follow my blog?
Olu: Yes, been intermittently delving into the blog.
Its almost compulsive reading – your wife still doesn’t know about it/
Babajide: oh she does now o…thru a friend of hers…but she is very glad and happy that I have finally decided to do something about my passion
so what’s up with your talents…what have you been up to?
Olu: thats cool – you know she is 
now going to think you are hiding a lot more?
Babajide: I don’t think so, even though, there are more juicier stuff that are too intimate that I cannot share at this moment in time probably as a published diary in future…
Olu: Roger was over this past weekend from NY. He said to say hi to you and was generally quite tripped that we were back in touch
Babajide:……………………….
Olu: Roger is cool. He is on facebook – you can see him in my friends. Although he doesnt use it as much as some of us.
Babajide: I will check Roger out on FB…
Olu: for my Dad the move was prompted when my older sister decided to call the police when he smacked her. Within a year we were all in Lagos!
Babajide: Oh yes, and this is what I am trying to capture on my blog via my experiences
Interesting stuff..
Where is your sis now?
jandon or 9ja or Dubai?
Olu: Other friend dcided he had had enough when he realised that he had reached as far as he could go here in a ivils servicedepartment and the oyinbo person he trained was now his boss. At the same time, his younger brother he had been sending money to all along getting him through school in naija, had graduated and now got promotion to bank manager position and was yapping his brother for underachieving in Ilu oyinbo.
My sis is in Jand. Both of them -younger and older. But my brothers are in Naija
Babajide: Wow
These are good stories my bro…
I was simply scared stiff of not hitting age 50 in Charlie’s land and also my children, not knowing anything about 9ja.
It was scary
Now my kids are having a ball, don’t get me wrong, it has its serious moments, when youthink twice, but all in all, we love it here and we are determined to get to that place that we are aiming for
Olu: I know the feeling. I look at my bank account (and credit card bills!) and ask myself what the hell I have been doing with my life for the past 18 years, when in 18 months after my brother graduated, he could afford to come to London on holiday!
I took my daughter to Naija for the first time last year (she is 8 now). She loved it, especially being in Ilesa. Lagos she hated. Understandably, as I don’t really love that city either for zillions of reasons. I am more of an Ibadan boy: less manic. Abuja seems a bit too boring.
Babajide: On holidays, when my friend come for a day or two they begin to fidget for staying away for too long in the cold
Olu: Why would you come to London in winter? Do you have a court order? 
Babajide: Why wouldn’t she? 9ja is made for kids..the space, the culture, the extended family…
…..laughing
I wonder o my brother
Olu: We that are here are looking to escape from the cold o, don’t come if you don’t have to.
Babajide: It could be very dangerous not to visit 9ja for a few years. The confusion that will set in at first can be alarming
Olu: It was quite nice seeing Naija through the eyes of a child actually. I learnt to fall in love with some things again. And recognise the significance of simple things – like goats and chickens running around on streets. She couldnt get over that! She has to to the farm or the zoo to see that here!
Babajide: My blog is to narrate my experiences, whila at the same time share some hard facts of life regarding the terrain here, which is quite different.
Olu: I didn’t visit Naija at all from when I left in 1990 till 2001.(Long story…………need I say more!)
Babajide: Can you imagine all that…when my 4 year old son saw a life LIZARD, nodding at him, he screamed with delight and chased after it.
Olu: I didnt actually realsie how much Niaj ahad changed though till I went in 2006. That was the first time I realised I could live there again. Manny felt the same way too.
Babajide:My being in Nigeria has given my mum a new zeal of life I tell you.. Its real
Olu: And I realised it was actually not much different to living in London (NEPA, traffic, water, security apart!) – it is the same crap in different manifestations!
Babajide: I agree
How is Manny? Hope he is well?
Olu: Manny is good; very tired though. His wife had twin girls recently!
Babajide: And do you know that the divorce rates abroad is much higher as the oyibos do not consider it to be a gig deal
wow, twins…the boy still dey very busy o…;I don’t blame him. I blame the snow.
Olu: I am seeking the formula for that from him – I need to get all my child breeding done and over with asap. I read that there has been rpetty extensive research that the yourbas espcially Ondo and Osun state people have the highest incidence of twins in the world because of the amount of yams they eat.
Babajide: Yams, well which ones?
Listen, b4 u go…
Olu: Diasocrea alata – the only botanical name for a vegetable I remember from o/level agric. tHAT SAYS SOMETHING, DOESN’T IT?
Babajide: Copy right issues, can I have your permission to use a segment of our chat for my blog?
So what’s it…I don’t care anyway, its you ke
Olu: I said Yes, sure o! 
Babajide: … Snatch, catch you later and look out for an abridged version of our chat
Takia
Olu: I will do
Babajide: I will.
Cheers
Olu: takia yoursel too likewise. Odabo
Babajide: Odabo (bye bye in yoruba language)
Remember
“Do not wait for the future to come
Benjamin Franklin had said it all, “a penny saved is a penny earned”.
My tips today should provide you with ways on how to avoid wasting your hard earned money. Here we go;
1. Take time to buy originals. Avoid imitators right from the word go. If you do not have enough to cover the authentic product, my advice would be to take your time. It will frustrate you to spend so many pennies buying spare parts on a daily basis to fix a newly acquired broken down product.
2. The most expensive household items you will be expected to buy inorder to give you a peace of mind are the Generator (a must product), an Air conditioner, a cooker, a fridge and freezer. I am assuming you already have a car. Now these electrical items if you do not already have them are essential products. If you can send them over by cargo, it will save you a lot of expenses. The good quality ones are quite expensive.
3. For you to take a chance on support staff, my tip would be to go through a friend or a family member who has had good experiences with an agency or a contact. Do not take a chance on carefully selecting your house maid or driver. These are key household support staffs.
4. Once you have decided on your support staffs, ensure you have proper documentations as in good references. Ensure you have phone numbers of relatives, visit homes of the newly employed support staffs to confirm addresses.
5. Never discuss anything personal in the vicinity of your support staffs. The temptation is to reveal personal details whilst in the car. Avoid it entirely.
6. Whilst I do not advocate support staff should be treated like animals, however, let them know who the boss is RIGHT FROM THE ONSET. Forget sentiments or you will live to regret it as roles may be reversed if care is not duly taken.
7. For you in Diaspora, especially those of you who might be living in the land of Queen Elizabeth, immediately you arrive Nigeria, all expressions of the English politeness should be postponed with immediate effect. Desist from using words such as ‘please’ to your support staff or junior staff at work. It is alien to them. Completely alien, so why invoke it? It is irrelevant. It will be misunderstood.
8. You must either know what you are doing or downright confident for you not to take your rightful seat in what is referred to as the owner’s corner (right end of the passenger’s seat) in your car. Sitting in front right next to the driver is almost sacrilegious. The connotations are enormous.
9. Avoid returning calls to ‘flashers’. Flashers are intent on speaking to you on the phone on the condition that you return their call. A successful flasher is when a call is terminated after a single ring.
10. Be very observant. There is no hurry. You are certainly not in competition with anyone (I am not!). So my advice will be to LISTEN MORE and SPEAK LESS.
Remember
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Today: 22nd December 2008.
(789 words)
Wow! It is 3 days to Christmas, so my children countdown. It is buzzing here in Nigeria. My children cannot make of what Christmas is going to be like in Nigeria. One thing is sure as gold. No unwrapping of hundreds of Christmas gifts as was the expensive norm over in England. It has been painfully (whilst the joy was mine, the anguish was for the children to temporarily experience) explained to them that, they are of age when Christmas ought not to be about unwrapping of presents alone,, it is much more than that. Whether it fell on opened or deft ears, they certainly have no choice in this specific matter; after all, I would be doing the buying. What we have ensured, that is I and the mum, is that they would get gifts they will truly appreciate.
Petrol Scarcity
The petrol tanker drivers opted to go on strike from last Friday through the weekend. It was a carefully chosen period of the strike. The point of contention this time around was over a little matter of ‘alleged harassment’ by the road safety enforcers, popularly referred to as ‘lasma’. The drivers made the accusation of heavy handedness towards ‘lasma’ officials over illegal parking of the tankers on the Lagos-Ibadan express way. The result of the drivers’ decision caused so much havoc to Lagos motorists.
Long queues formed and extended onto the Lekki-Epe expressway. This beautifully disorganised queue of desperate motorists lasted all weekend. As I had an appointment in Ikoyi on Saturday, Muyi had suggested we buy some fuel along Awolowo road, in Ikoyi mainly because of the high number of fuel pumps on this axis. We did and after almost 45mins of drama, we succeeded in filling the half empty petrol tank. Considering the distance we had to travel back home, upon arrival after a stopover at the Alpha Beach, the fuel gauge was reading almost half empty.
Christmas Party
I had the opportunity to attend a Christmas party hosted by the Honourable Commissioner for Information and Strategy, Mr Opeyemi Bamidele. The event which he hosted un behalf of his neighbours (an association of house owners in a segment of Lekki) was attended by many influential corporate and political personalities. Engineer Kole Adegunle of Total was in attendance amongst others. It was fun.
Bank wait.
Banking in Nigeria can be said to have taken a quantum leap in terms of development. The staff are courteous, ever so ready to be of help. The queues are orderly. The ATM (cash dispenser) is in good working order. The customer service desks are respectful and spring to your attention when you approach. There are quite a few Nigerian banks that are building wonderful brands; take for instance Guaranty Trust Bank (GTB), Zenith bank, Access Bank, Oceanic bank, First City Monument Bank (FCMB) and United Bank for Africa (UBA). These banks are recognisable all over Nigeria and in some African countries. GTB, Zenith, UBA, ACCESS banks all have representations of some kind either in UK or USA. So the strides that have been made are enormous.
The process of withdrawing or depositing however stringent needs modification if my experience this morning is anything to go by. I paid in a cheque (of the same bank) on Friday and you would have expected credit to be instantaneous. Wrong. My account was not credited because the account officer of the issuer of the cheque was nowhere to be found. The transaction that would have taken me five minutes took me close to two hours. The only consolation was that I had the small luxury to wait as I am only working half day and Seye, my accounting officer went all out to resolve the issue however annoying the experience was for me.
The process of withdrawing a certain amount of money would require a call made to the accounting officer of the issuer of the cheque. This bank officer then makes a phone call to the cheque owner to confirm issuance. The accounting officer then calls back the bank to authorise payment. A bit long winded, but safe. I am sure it will be streamlined speeding up transaction without compromising safety.
Chief Dele Momodu’s “The Red Ovation Carol” is finally upon us. Bob dee as he is fondly called, publisher of the supremely successful Ovation Magazine has shared with us through his Facebook entries his sleepless night experiences in getting this star billed show together. I got an invite to this ‘strictly by invitation’ star studded event and you know what, I am really looking forward to it.
I will surely keep you all posted.
Remember
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Today: 23rd December 2008.
(570 words)
I wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. I pray you walk in the path God Almighty has designed for you from your birth in Jesus mighty name. Amen.
It has been an eventful and ground breaking year for me. How about you? Globally speaking, occurrences that one would have referred to as fiction became reality. Barack Obama’s victory virtually erased the word ‘impossible’ from my vocabulary. Who would have thought it was ever possible in this generation that a black man with a Muslim name would ever be voted for, let alone defeat a ‘Clinton’ and a ‘War hero’ on the path to becoming the most powerful ruler on earth? Well it happened.
When motivational speakers eulogise, it is with hope that what they ‘preach’ can become a reality. Obama got up and walked the walk. He believed in ‘hope’ so much that he infected the world with this belief.
En route his journey to the ‘promised’ white house, Obama sounded out his wife on his plans, he got her support and that was all that mattered. His friends doubted and manufactured more reasons why he ought not to even consider contesting this un-win-able contest. The mountain of impossibility was so sky high, it could have been as tall as Goliath. Barack ‘David’ Obama, however, was so confident that Goliath was his to be defeated.
My word of encouragement for you today is that “you’ll never enjoy what God has for you in the future while you’re still living in the past”. The year 2008 is fast reaching its conclusion. There will never be another 2008, but there will be a 2009. So what is the point in holding onto the past, that discouragement by a dear friend, that disappointment, that missed opportunity for a promotion, that court case, that divorce, that death in the family or that terrible mishap. This is the time to lift yourself up and say it is not over not until you say so. Just start now and do not wait for anyone. Just start from whereever you may be. There is no perfection in beginning.
2009 is just around the corner and we all have, yet another opportunity to hit at that ‘ice berg’. Who says it wouldn’t be the next strike that will finally shatter this tough cookie and bring about that breakthrough you have been searching for. It is possible even if you had never thought so.
I leave you with this picture (to your left) of how some Nigerians are living the life here in the land of mosquitoes, the land where there is never consistent electricity, where there is so much traffic and heat. Those in diaspora quickly narrate stories of armed robbers and the stench on the roads. I can go on and on. Buy hey, do you know what, there is still life to be lived here.
I shall be at the Ovation Red Carol and I hope to give you an insight into this mega event .
Have a wonderful and lovely time off work and try and chill, recharge, meditate and get ready for the wonderful journey of 2009. Drinking and Driving at the same time is not advisable, so avoid the temptation.
God bless you.
Remember
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
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Written by Yusuf Danesi – courtesy of http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com |
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Tuesday, 23 December 2008 |
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Dear Patriot, It is disheartening that Nigeria continues to be an enigma, in spite of the unrivalled exposure of its leaders. Why is the EFCC suddenly on the trail of Nasir El-Rufai? You bet nothing significant will result from the much orchestrated sleaze factor probe of the N2.3 billion vehicle contract, awarded by the management of the National Assembly. So that is how much it costs to provide Peugeot products to 84 standing committees of the National Assembly! Why that huge amount of committees? I do understand why you want to migrate- especially your love for your family. I am happy that you have all obtained your visas as you look forward to transfering your media skills here (UK). Work was not going the way it should in spite of your towering industry stature; so you have thrown in your retirement letter to everyone’s shock; you have sold all you ever owned to be able to relocate with your family; in a nutshell, bridges have been burnt as you look forward to making UK your “New Home.” However, you need to prepare for a completely strange transition, which may either make or break you. You will practically go to ’school’ on CV writing and before you eventually get it right it might take roughly three months- this is no exaggeration, as there are many critics out there. You will start pushing out your new CV, while it takes about 3,000 to get you one interview! You may have to push out about 30,000 copies to get 10 interviews and you probably need to attend 30 interviews to finally land a job! The truth is you may have to send out 900,000 applications before you get a job here! If you are wondering why this is so then consider the following statistics and facts: Royal Mail risks 50,000 jobs; Woolworths, which has 813 stores, collapsed in November and as a result, 25,000 jobs are likely to go; pound hits near low against Euro; manufacturing falls at record pace; service sector in record contraction; Britain slips down price rankings; Bank of England blamed for recession; unemployment has hit 1.8 million- the highest since 1998; UK debt rises to 1.5 trillion pounds, etc. Do not be shocked that your M.Sc degree means nothing to the employers here; worse still, your almost 20 years experience does not count! Most employers do not even know what HSMP (Highly Skilled Migrant Programme) means! It is great that you are coming with your family of five, but you need not less than £13,000 (i.e. N3.25m) to survive the first six months of possible unemployment- and this is outside of London! You probably need close to double that amount if you all need to be in London. You may not be able to earn the mandatory £35,000 per annum required by the Home Office(if your visa is to be renewed in two years’ time) if you do not work in London. And if your post code reads anywhere but London, your appications will all fire blank; meanwhile no employer will tell you the reason. If you have a relation or friend who lives in London and is willing to accommodate you temporarily, why not come alone for now? However, the danger in that is multi-faceted, e.g. who says you will find work in six months- even menial work? There is a recession here, which affects virtually every sector. You will be shocked to learn that the employment agency would rather call, and even in some cases, register somebody from the EU who cannot express him/herself clearly in English than give you, a master’s degree holder a break. And the job in question? Factory operative! The wage is about £5.75 an hour before tax/NI deduction, etc. Do not forget that you need to be in the £24/25 per hour bracket to hit the HSMP £35k target. Relationships with your hosts will be strained in most cases; you will be running bills back home too since your wife is not an employee, etc. If you have the money, come with your family, stay with your host for not more than 72 hours, maximum, a week, but be prepared to contribute your quota to the upkeep of the home. You will be lucky if your hosts are not greedy because they have not set eyes ever on the kind of money you are coming with at a go, in their 20- something years in the UK! That you have the money is no guarantee that you will immediately get a house of your own because you do not have a credit history. If you do not have a guarantor (and many potential ones are unwilling) then just pay six months rent upfront, though the checks that will still be undertaken may take between two and three weeks. Make sure your landlord in Nigeria can easily be reached by the referencing company, e.g. email, fax, land phone, mobile, etc. If you do not get a permanent job before the six months and your landlord wants to sell the property then you start the process all over, though your Nigerian landlord may not be contacted again. If your employment is temporary/contract, which is less than 6-12 months, you will need a guarantor. Do not be in a hurry to own a car because keeping it on the road is not a joke; more so your driving licence/experience, like your academic certificates/experience, is not recognised! You will have to start from scratch-learner, in spite of your 18 years accident-free driving experience on roads that are death traps in Nigeria! Do not even think of using your international driving licence because of the prohibitive insurance premium you will be paying on it. What baffles me, however, is the accident statistics here despite the very strict driving/traffic regulations: every morning my radio reports accidents on the A2, M25, etc and a lot of them fatal! The bills never cease to come from utility companies whether you have a job or not! Your local council tax is even reviewed upwards and if you call to let them know you are not working, they ask if your wife is and if she is, your subsequent bills will come in her name! If you are impatient, the thousands of rejection letters you are going to receive on your applications will almost make you stop believing in yourself- you will think you are absolutely useless! An attempted foray into other unrelated survivalist professions like care work, etc may even return further rejection letters- but you are highly skilled! You will crave anything eventually because the bills are ticking away- lunch time play leader, mail sorter, support worker, etc. These are not highly skilled jobs yet they are not telling you why “your appliaction has been unsuccessful.” Sometimes you are tempted to reply and abuse the conveyor of the bad news, whose grammar is even suspect. Also you will marvel at the arrogance of prospective employers who you played a gamble on, in view of a perceived better opportunity. It was you who declined their offer on the phone/face-to-face, yet you get their letter/email 24 hours after to say your application was “unsuccessful”! You pick up most newspapers here and it is obvious you could do a better editing job if given the chance, but you have sent more than 5,000 unsuccessful applications to be considered even for the post of assistant reporter! You will almost feel like quitting: your foreign degree is competing with theirs in this period of recession; thousands of their citizens are out of work on a daily basis and they would rather give them priority. Do not be frightened, do not despair. I understand that your christian faith is intact: that is a vital credential you will be needing here at this time. Be prepared because at a stage it will look like God does not even operate here! The system here is like an automobile whose engine suddenly packed up- you cannot move the machine; the accelerator is useless; you cannot even talk about the brake system, the battery’s run flat and out, every thing is immobilised, etc. The employment market here is just like that- highly impregnable! The standards appear to be out of this world- very high- but if you are lucky to get in at a level that is a bit compromising, you will discover that you are a genius! Those who are intelligent from Nigeria are simply intelligent and there is nothing any one can do about it. Everywhere you go- from viewing houses to discussing in a group, they will praise you for your flawless English. You will even deliberately use English words that they very much struggle with…yet they are just reluctant to give you that office job. Why must you do a low skilled job when your visa reads “Highly?” To worsen it, majority of your associates here will say, “just take anything.” Some will even suggest you go sweep the streets of London, while others will say it pays £50 an hour to clean the dead in the morgues! Do you know what is annoying about the whole issue? Africa is synonymous with Poverty…your degree, experience, etc are therefore viewed with disdain! People are shocked when you analyse issues, yet you have not been around for more than seven months! How can anything good come out of Africa? I do not know about engineering, IT, etc. If you are not already practising any of these (with a British professional membership) then it will be a matter of luck to break the jinx here- it is very tough for the arts here. You were given 24 months and by 10 months into your visa some prospective employers are already weary of even interviewing you, citing “company policy” as the reason (your visa is running out of steam). I can confirm to you that many Nigerians here are returning home in great numbers- are you surprised? Hey, before you change your mind, refuse to see the negative as people are still getting great jobs here- yes, HSMP, arts. One recently almost posed with Gordon Brown at a 10 Downing Street, event! Her degree? American, and worked for an international NGO in Lagos. She is also writing a professional examination here. Even at that, it took her close to six months before that break! I hear you are thinking of writing exams in project management, ICT, etc- laudable! But you have to possess the right mindstate if you do not want to fail such exams. Do you still want to come to UK? Whatever decision you take will be most respected by me and my family. Unfortunately, I am still trying to find my feet too and may not be able to be of assistance other than the frank, naked and anlytical advice I have provided here. Above all, be propelled always by the thought of seeing your sacrifice for your family to the end; believe in God, who knows all things; surround yourself with positive and encouraging people; do not regret your decision- keep fighting. Weigh the options, take the ultimate decision and never look back afterwards. Danesi lives in the UK |
Today: 31st December 2008.
(1205 words)
I was at the MUSON centre, Onikan, Lagos, Nigeria on Tuesday 23rd December to attend the Ovation Red Carol and believe me, it seems like ages ago. How time really does fly.
The publisher of the incredibly successful publication of Ovation Magazine, Chief Dele Momodu, and a hard working proud Nigerian, had a vision to inject, announce and preach hope to Africans through entertainment, and trust me he just as well succeeded in doing precisely that.
For those who are close to me, I tend to view life by asking questions. Questions such as – how many bedrooms can one actually sleep in at a go? How many shoes can you show off at a time? If you have a house and for the heck of it, one room, just one room as much as gathers dust for lack of use, then what is the point. To leave a lasting legacy, you have to go out of your way to invest in fellow human beings by employing the God given talents God Almighty has invested in you. It may be by your talents of writing (check out Dele Momodu’s Pendulum, appropriately sited on the back page of the Saturday edition of ‘This Day’ newspaper, or the immense talent of Jay Jay Okocha – the extra ordinary footballer who gave abundant joy to football lovers, or the exuberant organising skills of Nduka Obeigbena, or the Couture skills of Adebayo Jones.
What of 9ice (my favourite Nigerian musical talent of the moment), closely followed by Dbanj or the directing skills of Kingleys Ogoro (of ‘Osuofia is coming to London’ fame). Now these Nigerians do not have to be stupendously rich, but hey, they bring joy to many across the globe. They have chosen to be extra ordinary in approach. It is the extra that bit that has made them all stand out. Oh, and I must not forget the genius of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the author of Purple Hibiscus.
Chief Dele Momodu has chosen to go a step further from publishing the Ovation magazine. This energetic fellow, who has achieved and met with the rich and famous all over the world has chosen to use his fame to spread the goodwill message of HOPE to the continent of Africa.
The event was a ‘who is who’ in the political, commercial and entertainment world in Nigeria. It was a strictly by invitation event, which made it exclusive and drastically reduced the likelihood of gate crashing. I was there with my gorgeous wife who was in all white top and trousers laced with big red beads with red ear rings to match. I was in dark red Senegalese long attire with brown shoes to match. If nobody told me I looked good, I can tell you, I felt not only good but important on the night.
Bearing in mind the theme of the night was red; my only disappointment was the sheer audacity of Nigerians wearing nothing even closest to the family of red. I was expecting all sorts of attires in red, but I was wrong.
As soon as guests arrived, they were made to feel important as they were ushered onto the red carpet where numerous flash bulbs competed in taking the best photo angles which was beamed live into the auditorium.
On producing our exclusive passes as we approached the entrance to the auditorium, we were then ushered to our seats by ladies clad in Benin native attire with beads perfectly supported on their heads acting as the head gear. They looked very traditional and smart. I must point out that they were all without shoes, to make the traditional impression complete.
We were seated on the same table as Ayo and Mogaji Gbenga Olunloyo, Elsie and Deji Falae, Engineer Kole Adegunle and Influential Lagos technocrat Sogo Osikoya. It was a table that was going to be fun on the night. The table right in front of us had the Secertary to the Lagos state government, Princess Adenrele Adeniran Ogunsanya seated together with Chief Fatoye, the Telecoms magnate. The highlife maestro, Victor Olaiya came to join them. Behind me had Funmi Iyanda, a famous television presenter and not too far away was Lanre Tejuosho.
I am not ashamed to drop names at this point as Bob dee managed to attract, as you would expect someone of his calibre to, the high and mighty in the commercial industry. The founder and pioneering Managing Director/Chief Executive Officer of IBTC Chartered Bank Plc, Mr. Atedo Peterside, in his traditional, cowboy looking hat was in attendance, ably supported by Hakeem Bello-Osagie. Femi Otedola and his wife were around to honour Bob Dee’s invite, so was the extra ordinary influential Nigerian, TY Danjuma who was seated on Otedola’s table.
The King’s table, and what I mean by that is the table the Oba of Lagos was seated. There was the big player of UBA, Tony Elemelu and his wife, Tokubo Afikuyomi, Aliko Dangote, Fortune publication’s appointed richest African on earth ( I must say he was not as large as he appears in photographs, well what was I expecting). There was Bob Dee as well and of course the 19th Oba of Lagos, Oba Rilwan Babatunde Osuolale Aremu AKIOLU I in a white hat.
I will roll out other names that were present, they included; Albert Okunmagba of BGL, ex Governor Segun Osoba, Sam Amuka (publisher of Vanquard newspapers – apparently, one of Dele Momodu’s mentors), Senator Udo Udoma and the ever aging musician Fatai Rolling dollar- the highlife musician in his 80s who still looks very active for his age.
Sir Shina Peters, Adewale Ayuba and Kwam (King Wasiu Ayinde-Marshal) were all present and performed an impromptu medley of the greatest hits of each of the artistes. Just as they were about to perform, Victor Olaiya – the highlife king, with the three younger singers all on their knees before him said a prayer before he departed the stage.
Adebayo Jones and Dakova (remember him?) were also present. Adebayo jones’s collections exudes style and class. He had close to 30 dresses on display. All top drawer.
Alibaba, Tee A and Julius Agwu were at their best with jokes which almost cracked my ribs.
RMD and Olisa Adibua were comperes. There was a live telecast on AIT and BEN ( can confirm this) as well as an internet live cast. Segun Arinze and Stella Damasus – Aboderin also sang on stage.
Sponsor: UBA
Quote of the night: “Nigeria is hope”
Victim of the night: Tu Face ( there were far too many jokes about his excess libido)
Voice of the night: Amanze Igbenedion (the Gospel singer. Simply awesome)
Arrival of the night: Aliko Dangote ( a near commotion by photographers upon his arrival)
Hilarious moment: Dekunle Fuji (his rendition of xmas carols in fuji)
SCORES (out of 10)
Organisation – 8
DJ – 5
Table setting _ 7
Crowd – 9
Invited guests – 9.5
Artistes – 9
Drinks/Food – 8
Dress code – 4
Fun - 9.9
Man of the moment – Dele Momodu for his sheer determination of making a success of the Night of Hope.
I WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Remember
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
In 2009,
Because of you, your family will not know poverty.
You will go in and out of your house in peace…
Violence and crying of sorrow shall not be heard in your camp…
Because you are God’s idea and God cannot fail, you shall not fail in the year 2009
Favour shall overwhelm your endeavors.
You shall not struggle to be recognized…
Your gift shall announce you…
You are entitled to daily fruitfulness…
Every darkness in your life shall give way to the light of God…
All your lack will give way to abundance…
The rejected shall become the selected…
People shall hear your testimonies and follow you to God…
In everything you do, you will succeed…
By the time 2009 ends, you will look back with joy; and ahead with great expectations
You will take charge of your life as you master your time…
You will discover how to maximize your time and add value to it…
You will become the star of your family and the hope of your generation…
Because you know where you are going, the whole world will step aside and follow you…
May you find favour with God and men.
May you grow in wisdom and stature
May you walk in dominion over every circumstance and situation.
Throughout the year 2009, never forget to:
Act as if it were impossible to fail..
Because for people like you and me, the word failure does not exist.
Your success is non-negotiable…
2009 will be one of the greatest years of your life and the beginning of unprecedented success in your life!
Those who laughed at you before shall come to laugh with you…
God shall take you to the place of your greatness and destiny.
You shall have visions that are clear, virtues that are right and victory that is certain…
You are blessed beyond curse, raised above terror and established beyond oppression…
You shall not lack counsel and ideas…
You shall have eyes that see, ears that hear and a heart that understands
In place of breakdown you shall have breakthrough;
In confusion, you shall be enlightened; and in weakness, you shall be strengthened…
There shall be for you beauty in place of ashes, the oil of gladness in place of spirit of heaviness…
Every closed door against your goodness, greatness and destiny shall open of their own accord…
You shall be instructed and illuminated within by the Spirit of God.
BELOVED, YOU NEED TO SAY AMEN BECAUSE
You shall do the right thing at the right time…
You shall rise above every obstacle and be carried on the wings of eagle…
God will remember you for good…
You shall fulfill and not frustrate destiny…
Why I Blog about Africa?
What a wonderful question.
I will have to rephrase this question. This is to enable me go a little bit further than the demands of the question.
I would simply ask; “Why do I Brag about Africa?”.
Having spent quite a bit of my teenage as well as some adult years growing up in the United Kingdom (19 years) – honing my skills and dreaming of how to leave my foot-prints on the sands of mother Africa, I voluntarily chose to come back to the soil of Africa.
I chose to take the risks by relocating back home with my children. As confusing and confused mother Africa may appear, the blame cannot be entirely ours. Baby Africa had been passed on from one ‘mother care’ to another. Everyone, except the founding fathers had the guts to stand up enough to scream no more. This is why I am blogging about Africa.
My children, up until now, had believed all the negatives CNN, FOX, SKY and BBC had insinuated through cartoons. In jest, Africans live amongst animals, they broadcast. Many children have therefore formulated their strong opinions on why the African accent is anything but shameful. Many of our children still believe Africans live with Animals. My children were not only shocked to see for themselves, the beauty of Nigeria and Africa, the scales from their eyes which could have led to a distorted view of the continent due to glaucoma have now been cured forever. This is why I blog about Africa. This is why I brag about Africa.
I blog and brag about a continent I am so proud of, in colour, in accent, in humour, in passion, in intellect, in skills, in audacity, in ingenuity and in our meaningful names. This is why I brag and blog about Africa.
If by one word written and read from my blog – JideSalu Diary, a misconceived view about Africa is aborted, then I would have, in my tales about my family, achieved something and then I know it would have been worth it all.
So,Solomonsydelle, Theophile Kouamouo does this in a minutiae way give you a glimpse as to why I am passionate about bragging about Mother Africa?
This is why I blog about Africa!!!
Today: 19th January 2009
1646 words
There is so much happening in my head right now.New maid. Obama’s letter to her daughters. So much popping in my head. Now where do I start…..
We now have a new maid called ‘Blessing’ – I am putting together a piece called “Maids Tale” – I tell you, some stories that are just out of this world – and I pray her name really brings us all the blessings, God’s blessings we all crave for in Jesus name. AMEN.
Muyi, my driver, finally put the nail on his – well you know what I mean on Saturday. This guy has really chewed what he cannot swallow. I am sorry, if he thinks the work of a driver is beneath him, and with the attitude that he now projects – more like his New Year’s wish, then there must be something wrong here. And I am sure it is definitely not with me.
My mentor, FB, saw this coming. Another good friend, whom I will simply refer to as ‘Mogaji’ profoundly jokes around that I treat my driver like a friend. Well I was just a few months old in the country, so it was all very hazy to me. I could not completely relate to the sound advice (take note of this tip) I was being given early on then.
This is a guy that practically is fed every day, minus his salary of course. Wifey travelled to the UK and came back with stuff any driver would have only dreamt of. Well, I am not announcing to the world that wifey or me are perfect, but the fact of the matter is we just did not treat our maid or driver like they ought to be treated. PERIOD.
A driver is a driver. A house maid is a house maid. Once I started to delve into the reins of political correctness in treating my employees, then insubordination will beckon.
And that was exactly what has happened. Anyway, Muyi had to be phoned and sent a text before he reported to work on Saturday. That wasn’t enough; the petrol tank was virtually empty. He did not bother to acknowledge my missed call or text message – can you now imagine the over familiarity my saneness has achieved? – When I eventually got through to him I told him in no unmistaken tone the time he needed to be at my house for.
When he did arrive it was 18 minutes late, with no apologies offered, proceeded to clean the car. I approached and queried him. I offered to find a Saturday driver and deduct his salary accordingly. The echo to my suggestion hadn’t expired before he accepted. Unperturbed, I left and decided there and then that his days were over. All I needed to do was to look for a new driver before the end of the month.
Only for me to get a – dictionary assisted written letter of resignation scribbled onto one side of a lined A5 sheet of paper handed over to me this morning. All this happened as early as 6.35am when I arrived for work. I read the note before leaving the car and simply said “Okay”.
Hard lesson learnt; a driver is a driver. A house maid is just a house maid. I will never be sentimental in relating to the human beings wearing the coat of arm of these positions. Never again I have promised. So the search has since commenced and I shall report on our new driver as soon as he is employed.
I must however point out that Muyi was gracious to give me a month’s notice. He must have had pity on me when I told him a few things about etiquette and life when, Rebecca, our ex-house maid gave wifey a cock and bull story about wanting to go back to school. Incidentally, this is the same reason Muyi has given. Can’t these guys think of any other excuse? Fair enough, he has been good. In fact quite good and the problem may have emanated from the fact that he heard a lot of those commendations from me. Something they are never use to. Yet another of my mistakes?
On the new house maid – ‘Blessing’ – well, let me just say that she is working very hard at the moment to satisfy ‘Madam’. Well so hard that she broke ‘Madam’s’ favourite glass pot lid.
‘Prof’ – my son came rushing upstairs to inform us on Friday night that ‘Blessing’ is weeping. “Why”? wifey and I asked. “She is crying and holding onto her head because she has broken your (pointing at wifey) pot lid. I looked at wifey, she returned the look, both of us amazed but undisturbed. “Tell her it is okay”, said wifey. That message would not work as ‘Prof’ is back with the information that the wailings had increased accompanied with a scary look on her face. That was when I told wifey to go an physically assure her that “all was well”. That was exactly what wifey did. Okay, no problem. It’s only a pot lid, albeit wifey’s favourite pot and the biggest in the house that travelled with her so many thousands of miles from the UK.
Saturday!
Our Saturdays will no longer be the same anymore. The singer, my daughter has to go to Saturday school and the boys have a Ghanaian home tutor come around by 8am. I told the children we are now in Nigeria, and they have to compete with other bright students who have similar private arrangements. I remember in the UK, majority of the very bright Asian students had private tuition at home.
Wifey came downstairs to the kitchen to meet a damaged cupboard. Again it was ‘Blessing’ who had forced the door to the cupboard opened. I saw it and I just could not make out what this 18 year old of a blessing is up to. In as many months, Rebecca did not bend a spoon even if she tried to. By the way, my theory, and only my hypothesis, is that Rebecca may have been ‘pregnant’. Well. Anyway, ‘Blessing’ who looks for new creases to demarcate while ironing my shirts or trousers has a long way to go yet. However the jury is out. We shall see.
“Anything is possible”
Obama said it last night at the ‘We are One’ Inaugural concert held at Lincoln Memorial. Together with the children, it was past their bed time. I however allowed them participate and inhale the euphoria of history in the making especially with the knowledge of the ‘stars’ set to grace the occasion. From Denzel Washington to the ‘Boss’ Bruce Springteen to Mary J Blige. Jamie Fox, Bette Levette – the Blues singer, Jon Bon Jovi, Tom Hanks, Janes Taylor, John Mellencamp, Jennifer Nettles all were honoured to be on stage.
It wasn’t finished. Josh Groban, Heather Headley, Queen Latifa, Mr Herbie Hancock, Will.I.Am, Sherly Crow, Tiger Woods Renee Fleming and Jack Black also turned up.
For those who missed it, an estimated 500, 000 people braved the bitterly cold weather. But it must have been worth it. I would have loved to be there. Oh, Usher, Shakira and Mr Stevie Wonder sang. Garth Brooks was fantastic, so was Mr Kool himself – Samuel L Jackson in his trade mark wearing black Kangol beret. The energetic, Africa sympathiser Bono and U2 were present, so was a live EAGLE which symbolises America.
It was truly a celebration of the American renewal. President and Vice President elects with their family sat, mimed, danced and applauded. They acted like the common man on the street in spite of the transparent bullet proof that acted as a shield.
Change was the theme and still is the theme and we certainly cannot escape history. How poignant listening to a quote by Abraham Lincoln – the 16th President of the United States, whose footsteps, Obama is carefully treading – “So as I will not be a slave (to the drumbeats of the orchestral made up of the Armed Forces), so will I not be a master”. I must confess a tinged of sadness descended upon me when my mind drifted to the wealth of natural and human resources God Almighty in his infinite mercies has endowed the continent of Africa with. And I hasten to add that God Almighty is quite aware of the arresting situation that has imprisoned my beloved continent.
It was time for Obama to rally not just Americans but all the other World Leaders who must surely by now be inspired by the hope and change Obama intends to bring to the world of politics. The case of Obama must never be like that of Tiger Woods where others marvel from afar without bothering to compete. Other leaders must galvanise the support of the people just as Obama has managed to achieve, and together the world can be a better place to live in. Obama said “the people who love this country can change it”. Ronald Reagan once said “How can we love our country and not love our country men”.
Obama, the first African-American to be elected president, stared at the sea of people and told them, “What gives me hope is what I see when I look out across this mall. For in these monuments are chiselled those unlikely stories that affirm our unyielding faith – a faith that anything is possible in America.” - and in AFRICA, dare I add. And I mean it.
Beyonce, radiating with elegance brought the beautifully organised show to an end with her rendition of “America The Beautiful”.
I still have goose pimples.
Photo of the day: Oshodi – Before and After!
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future” – and anything can happen
Today: 20th January 2009
1039 words
012009/200109, the algebraic numbers, signify a date that will forever be engraved on the stones of history.
My personal thoughts today are to recognise and dedicate today -012009 to the ‘Coronation’ of President Obama.
It has been long coming. My excitement holds no bound. I am completely elated for the simple reason that I recognise for a fact that I will be a witness to history in the making. And as such, I have chosen not to take it for granted.
For those who are close to me, right from the UK, I have always expressed my feelings of- a sort of gut feeling- that a new dawn was about to break. My friends had every logic and history on their side to belittle my feelings, but I stood my ground and believed that history was on Obama’s side.
Obama, from his humble beginning of stitching together a family, through stories or memories or friends or ideas, will be the most written about human being living. And he shall occupy that position for a very long time to come.
Obama, who openly expressed his loyalty to his family and his wife, and still does, no unnecessary power for show kind of attitude knew what he wanted to achieve in Politics. He spoke to his wife, and as soon as Michelle gave him the go ahead, history had already begun. Just as history is waiting for you and I to take that bold step into the journey of the unknown. History has spoken to you through that silent voice not to fear. And as Franklin Roosevelt once said, “the only thing that we have to fear is fear itself”. We have to tell ourselves that it is no longer about me, me and me. It is old news talking about I, I and I. It was when Job in the bible took the attention off himself and started to pray for his friends that he got his breakthrough.
Obama’s heartache and breakdown has now become his breakthrough. He knew that he was blessed beyond every disappointment he might have faced; him not knowing his dad, his mum dying at an early age, his grandmother dying just before she had the opportunity to physically cast her ballot and of being shipped from one school to another.
Obama walked the walk and talked the talk.
All along, unbeknown to him, his story was becoming that of Joseph’s whose brothers were very envious of him and did what they did. Joseph later became the most power man in the country, second only to Pharaoh the ruler. Now Obama, with an unusual name and diluted complexion is set to be the MOST powerful man on earth. So why worry? Why not just do what you need to do and let God Almighty take care of the rest.
The illumination and the instruction within Obama must have come from God Almighty. No doubt about it. Those who laughed at him are now laughing with him – because he knew right from the beginning that the word success was not negotiable.
Obama knew where he was going and now the whole world is stepping aside to follow him.
His gift has just announced his arrival. His oratorical gift. I ask you, what is yours that you have chosen to let rotten? I hope your case will not be like that of the man in that book of wisdom, the Holy Bible, where he was given talents and rather than invest, chose to keep. Are you keeping your talents? What for?
I hope you have not forgotten that you are God’s idea. Of course you are. Just like Martin Luther King and now Barack Obama , you just cannot fail.
Obama has wiped from – certainly – my dictionary the word FAILURE, because he acted as if it was impossible to fail.
Here am I, clicking away at my keyboard, competing with the speed of my thoughts as it races to inform you that the SKY is no longer the limit, you are.
Today is 012009 or 200109 or 20th January 2009. Go out there, step out of your comfort zone, put to use your God given talents, and rediscover yourself not for selfish reasons but for the benefit of mankind.
Africa was not created handicap. It is the people that have amputated the continent. No longer can Africans blame juju for its misery, for the United States of America will now benefit from the inspiration of an African man.
Africans are orators. I am not surprised listening to Obama. However, the days of oratory are long gone. The continent now longs for ‘Obamas’ dotted all over the continent to show the world that the best of Africa can indeed be appreciated and given the opportunity to showcase their God given talents within the continent. The brain drain gave birth to Obama and America is benefitting from it. Now the reverse must commence -the brain gain. The exodus abroad has already begun and the grannies in power must now give way.
Obama did not shy away from his roots. Yes, he played the politics, he had to, but hey, he still recognises his Kenyan extended family. This is why his step mum is making the trip to America.
Today the WHITE house will be occupied by a BLACK President – in my life time. That is enough to say THANK GOD. I am a witness to this monumental event.
Soak in the atmosphere wherever you may be. Rejoice with America for they dared to be different. Reflect on where you are and where you have chosen to arrive at, for 012009 does not come often.
The American dream is so often quoted and Obama has exemplified it. However, in Africa, it is corruption that is so often quoted and the continent proudly shows off with it. Henceforth, watch what you say, especially if you happen to be of African descent.
God bless America.
God bless Africa.
God bless the World.
God bless Obama.
God bless you in Jesus name. Amen.
Photo of the day: Filling up in Oshodi!
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future” – and anything can happen
Today: 21st January 2009
1289 words
THE DAY HISTORY WAS MADE.
I am exhausted. Very, exhausted.
The ‘elect’ tag has finally been detached from the President’s insignia. So correct me if I am wrong, we now have President H (conveniently unpronounced ‘Hussein’) Barack Obama.
Thank God.
By 12 noon, Yesterday, Eastern time, according to the Constitution of America, even before he was sworn in as proceedings were running slightly behind schedule, President Obama had already taken over the reins of powers from George (Judge) Bush, who was harshly and unkindly written about in a news paper commentary with the title “The end of an error”.
THE BUZZ
Nigeria was buzzing yesterday. The traffic was lighter. Many were left work on time. The beer parlours were full. There was uninterrupted power supply. The Obama factor was apparent. I guess the world all shared in the Obama euphoria.
AFRICA’s REPRESENTATIVES
Apparently, the exclusive official White House invitation was extended to two Africans from the continent. Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela – arguably the most respected Statesman in the world still living and ex-Nigerian President Mohammadu Buhari. This says a lot, bearing in mind that the 53 countries that make up the African continent only deserve 2 invites, and both to former presidents. No one would argue over Nelson Mandela’s invitation, but Buhari, there must be something the White House archives have in their secret dossier that has not been disclosed. What message is the White House disseminating to Africa? Why the Buhari invitation? To take a seat next to Mandela? Tunde Idiagbon to my recollection was the main man that made Nigeria tick in those missed opportunity days. Certainly not Mohammadu. Anyway.
THE NERVES ?
Obama must have been slightly nervous. Who wouldn’t be? 
I don’t think it was due to the same Bible used to swear in Abraham Lincoln in 1861. Obama had to repeat the second portion of the oath administered by the US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts during the swearing in ceremony. Nay, it could not have been. After all, Michelle was beside him holding firmly onto it.
THE SPEECH.
The much awaited historical speech lived up to expectations by my reckoning. His powerful, but yet endearing style drummed home the message of change that it was intended to. The youngest chief Speechwriter, 27 year old Jon Favreau whose transcript of the speech changed hand between himself and Obama up to five times must have been very proud of the delivery. The tone was decisive and would have met with the approval of Americans in general.
THE INVOCATION
Rick Warren, better known for his New York No. 1 best seller, ‘Purpose Driven’ book had a purpose driven agenda to invoke the name of Jesus Christ. During the invocation, he did just that. I think he applied God’s wisdom here and it was brilliant.
MY MOMENT
The moment for me was not only seeing the orderliness of a grand ceremony, the roll call of the past Presidents all hugging and exhibiting a show of unity -which somehow, and for some reason is missing from the African psyche. This to me remains a mystery.
The African Psyche.
Let me just say a few things on this mysterious African Psyche. How can one define this consciousness? I was having a good conversation with my neighbour Dan on Saturday just before settling down to watch the Manchester United game against Bolton Wanderers. He was of the opinion that there is a Nigerian factor. A factor that depicts everything negative about a race of homasapiens. Dan was of the opinion that it will take a whole lot more than talking to change this ingrained negative perception of each other. I shy away from heated, mostly political debates that Africans and Nigerians in particular engage in. And it has been for this same reason I have chosen not to make this blog a political affair. However, you will just have to excuse me on this just one occasion.
While the Americans, in spite of all their differences and the different cultures of 50 states worked in harmony, Nigeria with its 36 culturally disparate states have found an excuse to bicker and shed blood.
So why do the Americans have a different Psyche? If I may ask, could a situation ever occur where someone, unthinkable like Obama assume a Presidential position in any country in Africa? Would a day arise in Africa where we would witness ex- Presidents of different political affiliations in a country hug and pat each other on the back? Would I ever see (with the exception of Pa Mandela) again an African leader rally his country people by the tone and goals of a speech delivered?
What could be wrong with mother Africa? The second largest continent after Asia, occupying 6% of the total land surface on the planet.
While the Americans pronounce “God bless America”, Africans, particularly, the most endowed and the largest country of the lot – Nigeria, engage in verbal discourse that only produces a persistent ‘watery diarrhoea’ of foolish supposedly grandeur ideas.
The power of the tongue is there for all to see. What you say is what you get.
Obama’s ‘coronation’ as the Africans would want to belief has not occurred by mistake, there is a reason to his existence. Africans better quickly wake up to learn from Obama, whose book of history was officially opened yesterday.
Who do you think Obama was referring to in his inaugural speech when he had this to say; “…To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.”
Its time for Africa leaders to usher in change. The wind of change must not just past by Africa, it must leave a mark.
Rosa Parks said and sat
So that
Martin Luther King could speak and stand.
MLK indeed stood,
So that
Obama could speak and run.
And Obama spoke, ran and won.
Africans must make a decision to call a halt to all the negative rhetoric that comes forth from the mouths of its citizens and begin to view the glass from a different angle. Remember, the glass can either be half full or half empty. The truth of the matter is both are right.
Americans, whom we ought to learn a lot from, always choose to view the glass as half full.
From today onwards, make it a duty, your duty, to pray for your continent, especially if you are from Africa. Then endeavour to pray for your country and then your leader. “If the sky falls”, I often tell people, “it will not fall on any one person, it will fall on every one”. Okay, I think that will do for the year. Now, where was I?
Oh yes, my moment. It was when US Supreme Court Chief Justice John Williams told Obama “Congratulations Mr President”. That was it for me. I still have goose pimples at the thought of that word – “Mr President”.
So, history has been made. It has been written. Many would have been inspired like I have. Many would take action like I will. Many will simply talk about it, some would make jest of it and not do anything and for some it would just pass them by. Which group would you fall into? This is a question only you can answer.
So on the day after yesterday, I hereby say AMEN to every prayer that comes forth from Obama and that is said for him in the mighty name of Jesus.
God Bless Africa.
God Bless America.
God Bless Obama.
and
God Bless you.
Photo of the day:
How I witnessed history unfold!
Coming up tomorrow…..
“…..Suddenly, my driver, deciding and thinking aloud on the direction to take on the heavy sandy terrain looked dazed. Almost a kilometre from civilisation – well, where I was only commenting and making jest at the jobless, well built, stern and scruffy looking boys sitting and waiting for a mishap to befall one of the 4 wheel drive vehicles that could only ply this restricted path – the car chose not to go further. It had stopped. I was now at the mercy of those guys, the …”
Remember
“Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Protected: “…..I had no choice but to jump onto the back of the Okada…..”
Protected: “…It is Lagos, Nigeria and it is Colddddddddd”
Protected: School now closes at 5pm + Saturday classes
Today: 28th January 2009
1414 words
A dear friend of mine, more of a mentor I would say, as I always pick his brains more so than he does mine, was in town. There was no point in Muyi- my driver, picking me up after he had completed the school runs. So I promptly informed wifey of my movements and headed straight to meet Pastor Akin Laosun who had made plans to stop by at my place to say hello to the wifey and the kids. That was around 5.30pm. We waited for an hour before the driver who was scheduled to convey him arrived.
Pastor A – as he is fondly called – and I had just the right time on our hands to catch up and discuss ideas and stories. This man is so passionate about his city – Ibadan, a cosmopolitan city in Nigeria, known for many things including its famous – don’t know whether it still is – University and also for been the first city to establish a Television station in West Africa. As always, whenever he travels to Ibadan, he is never happy to see the state of his dear city. Abandoned and ruled by relics, devoid of ‘Alpha Inventions’ sort of ideas. As I am not one to talk Politics on this site, I will resist the temptation….but get ready for my breaking news…
ALPHA INVENTIONS – Eureka !
Oh, just before I get on to breaking the news, could I just introduce you all to something unique. I am one to shout out when I see something or notice something extra-ordinary. I popped into my site and noticed that 23 of you had read my blog as directed from one source. That source was Alpha Inventions. I thought it strange as I had never until now heard of this site.
Off I clicked. I must confess, it was all confusing at first. Sites changing per every couple of seconds with a play and pause buttons at your disposal to investigate the site that catches your interest. It took me at least a minute to just gaze and observe what was unfolding before my very own eyes. Until, Eureka, I got the gist.
I am not going to spoil the party for you, but I will highly recommend you check it out. Especially Bloggers. Well done to Alpha Inventions.
Just like it is with Alpha Inventions, you just cannot afford to give up on your ideas. All of us have been created with talents all hidden. You were God’s idea, and that means you were created to succeed. That also means you just cannot fail. I am sure you have read this ‘shout out’ before’. So hang in there. You just cannot imagine how close, just how close, you are to that breakthrough after so many breakdowns.
Now, onto the breaking news….. ‘Blessings’ has left us after 19 days.
Breakthroughs and breakdowns
I got home with Pastor A. The kids were all very excited to see more of the Pastor than me, for a change. The house at that hour was buzzing, in spite of the interruption in electricity moments before we drove into the compound. I did not see ‘Blessings’ our new house help. Well, maybe she was busy spraying the rooms upstairs with insecticide – a must ritual, to combat those wicked mosquitoes.
Then came the news, well the bombshell.
“Blessings has left”, said wifey.
“Left? Where to? How? When?”, that all came from me by the way.
Pastor A was upstairs mingling with the kids, laughing and sharing jokes while all was been revealed by wifey downstairs in the kitchen, where she was very busy putting things in place.
“What happened”, I asked. Just wanting to be sure I got the news right.
“Well, she told me this morning that she was going home”, said wifey. “And I just said fine”.
“Was that’s all”, I asked.
“Yes. Then I thought to ask her why she was leaving, wondering If the job was too much for her” said wifey.
Wifey then went on to tell me that ‘Blessings’ said the job was much for her.
Wow, wow, wow. I was stunned. Wifey knew I was very busy at work and chose to tell me when I got home. I was again disappointed. Wifey, once again was not. In fact she had her suspicions. She has always had something she could not lay her fingers on with regards ‘Blessings’. Apart from her body odour of course which she was working on. She was improving a great deal in this department. Something I hope she continues with. By the time she packed her belongings, which included all the toiletries wifey had bought her, she had no bus fare. Of course wifey gave it to her.
The irony of all this is much deeper than even ‘Blessings’ herself would ever found out. Just be patient with me…..
On Sunday night, wifey and I had a lengthy conversation regarding the future of ‘Blessings’. In the course of wifey’s interaction with her and obviously finding out more about her and her background, she discovered that this 18 year old girl can read and is street wise. Even I know that. As much as I stay clear from dealings in that area as it is strictly wifey’s role to administer, I had noticed that, as much as ‘Blessings’ does not talk, what does come back through my sons indicate that there was more to her than she lets out.
She was hard working. Okay, let me put it this way, she worked very hard to showcase her capabilities for the past 19 days -Yes, just 19 days – to the point that wifey believed that she was working too hard to impress. She was prone to breaking things. A feat never accomplished in the 6 months or so Rebecca spent with us. She, that is ‘Blessings’, is an ardent lover of Wrestling Mania. She had vaguely threatened to slap ‘Prof’ – the elder of the son who had constant conflicts with her- several times. So ‘Blessings’ was for the past 19days not really a blessing at all.
Upon hearing the news, both sons simply said “good”. In fact, ‘Prof’ said ‘Blessings’ had told him 2 days ago SHE would surprise him – which of course was her eventual departure.
The conversation wifey and I had with regards ‘Blessings’ future was very positive. We agreed that, pending her behaviour and attitude, we would sponsor her to further her education as wifey found out that she was educated to a level where she could at least read but dropped out of school due to family circumstances. We were thinking long term for her. It was almost a done deal that we would pay for her education fees. All this depended on so many things.
And true to life, she was not fortunate to realise these ambitious plans we had for her. She was so near, yet so far.
This is what life sometimes dishes out to us in form of challenges. We set our goals. Work very hard in accomplishing these goals. Just as the breakthrough is near, impatience, wrapped up in form of a brain wave sets in. It then takes one off the path of our goals that we have worked so hard on.
‘IF ONLY’
One word that I dislike the most – apart from the word IMPOSSIBLE – is ‘IF ONLY’.
- If only ‘Blessings’ knew our plans for her.
- If only she knew what we discussed the previous days.
- If only she could hang in there for a few more months.
- If only she was not impatient.
- If only she could delay gratification.
- If only she could stay the course and believed that it could just happen this time.
This is what life is all about. Far from it, I am not suggesting Blessing’s breakthrough was certain to be from us, but who knows what could have been.
Who knows how close you are to your breakthrough. Avoid that word – ‘if only’ – as much as possible.
What a lesson for us all. Why not share with me your ‘if only’. I am sure we will all benefit from it.
There are places we could walk through, if not careful could turn out to be a point of no return.
Photo of the day: ‘Point Of No Return’
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Today: 2nd February 2009
I was sent an email (as posted below) by a friend and I thought it was just an appropriate way to start a Monday, have a good laugh.
TO: ALL BLACK PEOPLE
FROM: YOU KNOW!!
RE: NAMING YOUR KIDS
DATE: EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
Please don ‘t start naming your daughters after the President. names such as: Obamanesha , Obamalisha, Obamarette, Obamalaya, Obamaria, Obamanette, Obamalama, Barakala, Barakella, Barakesha, Barakyah, etc. or adding, La, Sha, Da or Ja, Rhi, as a prefix is not allowed. Don’t start that mess! PLEASE!!
It is acceptable to name your sons Barack or even Obama but that is as far as you may go.
YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY RECEIVED THE MEMO AND HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Peace,
********************
Coming up later today – more of my reasons why Nigeria is the happiest place on earth and much more.
Today: 2nd February 2009
1031 words
I was at Ayo Olunloyo’s thanks giving service held at the Church of Resurrection 1004 on Saturday. I went with wifey and the children. After the service to mark a significant year in her life, we all proceeded to Gourmet Plaza on Samuel Manuwa, a stone throw from 1004 in V.I for lunch. It was a delightful handful of friends and I kind of liked the thought behind the idea – giving thanks to God with a few close friends to share in the occasion. It wasn’t a carnival that has come to be associated with Nigerians celebrating their 21st, 40th or 60th birthday. It was a good change.
The children had a good time. It was the monthly ritual – last Saturday in the month environmental cleaning – so there was no Saturday school for daughter and no early morning lessons for the boys. They all escaped and had an extended It was during lunch at the Gourmet Plaza that I made a phone call to Muhtar Bakare, an old loyal friend, I would say. It was whilst I was having a chat with Kanmi Iyanda (Castro) that his name popped up. Bakte, as he is fondly called is the Publisher of a general interest magazine called Farafina. This monthly publication has featured in the past the works of Wole Soyinka, Segun Afolabi, Uche James Iroha, Funmi Iyanda, Dinaw Mengestu, Barbara Murray, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Jackee Budesta Batanda, Helon Habila, Tosin Oshinowo, Patrice Nganang, Jide Alakija, and a plethora of other writers and graphical artists. Bakte is also the West African Publisher of Chimamanda, the acclaimed Nigerian author who has also added the Nonino literary Award to her numerous accolades.
‘NEXT’ – a good export
During the course of my conversation with Bakte, he suggested I bought NEXT newspaper on Sunday. I did and I must say, I was very impressed. NEXT which comes in the UK’s broad sheet format has a 24 page main section accompanied by the Arts and Sports supplements, with a stylish magazine as a throw in. I was not disappointed at all. It was not only the format that brought a good smile to my face on a restful Sunday, it was the fact that the print quality was superb, the writers are independent judging by the articles and of course the layout was also well thought of.
Considering the brain behind NEXT, I am not at all surprised by the quality. After all the publisher is Dele Olojede a Pulitzer winner, he has united a bunch of talented writers – Amma Ogan, Bode Agusto, Jibrin Ibrahim and Okey Ndibe amongst others. The online version, 234next.com is equally of high standard and I hereby recommend it to those who may not have the opportunity to enjoy the hard print. I expect to see this high quality newspaper at airports all over the world. It sure is a good export for Nigeria.
Lagosstateonline.com
Still on good quality, I stumbled across, yet another good quality website. at first, it was a surprise, because it was a state government website, but then I thought, no, it can’t be. It is Lagos state. It is BRF, which stands for Babatunde Raji Fashola. The site – Lagos state online – is another testament to the quality of the man. He means business. He aims to leave a mark. He is onto an unforgettable term in office. BRF is an unusual Nigerian politician who is pragmatic and result focused. I don’t know this man from ‘adams’ neither am I after any contract. I am simply saying it as I see it. Why not check out the site and see for yourself.
Genevieve
Still on quality, I am not done yet. Believe it or not, I sat down and read the December edition of the Genevieve magazine, the much acclaimed female target magazine. I must say that Wifey and my daughter are avid readers of this quality publication. It was a prompt by wifey for me to read an excerpt of an interview with Jesuit Priest Fr. Uwem Akpan that broke all the barriers of inhibitions towards publications in this family of read. I read the excerpt and refused to give back. I read through other attention grabbing write ups. It was very good stuff. In this department, Nigerians are kicking and have got a lot to be proud of. The online version will give you a taste of the hard copy. I shall be looking out for wifey’s copy of the February edition.
More of my reasons why Nigeria is the happiest place on earth?
- It does not snow.
- Yes, contrary to what people may think, we do have help. Yes, my wife needs to be assisted. And these workers are fairly or unfairly called maids. By the way, the Queen of England has her maids and butlers as well.
- It is a country of tips. The blue collar workers get tipped by the white collar workers and the white collar workers get tipped by hmmmmm
- As early as 5.30am, early morning preachers remind pedestrians of their problems.
- The Palms – the shopping mall – in Lekki is a no go area at weekends. Oh, if YOU must visit, make it during the week for there are more tourists than shoppers.
- The ‘okada’ motorcyclists have all, well majority of them, changed their horn. They prefer a trailer’s.
- A familiar scene on a Sunday is to see an ‘Okada’ rider, his wife and two children, all on the motorcycle.
- Lagos never goes to bed.
- The radio stations are fab here in Lagos. I will recommend Rhythm FM’s 94.7, Cool FM 96.9 and Brilla FM’s 88.9FM. These stations guarantee me the latest news in sports and my favourite oldies in music – Kool and the Gang, whispers, etc.
- There is no where you look, people may be active doing their thing, but are always in a mood to enjoy a laugh in spite of it all.
This is to put it on record that JideSalu Diary is still receiving a global exposure courtesy of alpha inventions. Thanks to Alphainventions.com
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Photo of the day: ‘A Majority way’
Protected: A mêlée of views amongst two heavy weight friends! – Round 1.
Today: 4th February 2009
1923 words
5 years ago today, a Harvard student thinker by the name Mark Zuckerberg, born May 14, 1984, launched an idea that was set to revolutionize the whole concept of reunion. This 24 year old American, who held on to the belief that nothing is impossible, just as Obama did after him, went about in pursuit of his dream.
“The Facebook”, originally located at thefacebook.com was dropped when the domain name faceBook.com was purchased in 2005 for $200,000.
On September 5, 2006, Facebook launched News Feed, a product to show what friends were up to on the site and the first piece of news ever on a Facebook News Feed appeared in Zuckerberg’s own facebook profile. It read, “Kerry sucks at tennis.”
This $300 million revolution which employs 700 people is available in over 40 languages. Time magazine in 2008 ranked Mark as one of The World’s Most Influential People of 2008
Facebook received its first investment of US$500,000 in June 2004 from PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel. This was followed a year later by $12.7 million in venture capital from Accel Partners, and then $27.5 million more from Greylock Partners. A leaked cash flow statement showed that during the 2005 fiscal year, Facebook had a net loss of $3.63 million.
In September 2007, Microsoft approached Facebook, proposing an investment in return for a 5% stake in the company, offering an estimated $300–500 million. That month, other companies, including Google, expressed interest in buying a portion of Facebook.
On October 24, 2007 Microsoft announced that it had purchased a 1.6% share of Facebook for $240 million, giving Facebook a total implied value of around $15 billion. In November 2007, Hong Kong billionaire Li Ka-shing invested $60 million in Facebook. In August 2008, BusinessWeek reported that private sales by employees, as well as purchases by venture capital firms, had and were being done at share prices that put the company’s total valuation at between $3.75 billion and $5 billion. Thanks to WIKIPEDIA.
So to Mark and his team, I wish you and FB a happy birthday and long may this success of your idea continue. I only wish African leaders could one day believe that age has nothing to do with implementation of ideas.
Correction: Yesterday, I erroneously stated that wifey once described me as a realist. Well, I was wrong and she is right – as always. “You are an idealist” she says, “and that makes you a dreamer”.
Appreciation goes to AlphaInventions.com for the glbal publicity this site is receiving. I commend you Chrub.
Wifey spoke and I had to listen
Wifey had a read of the interesting comments that were posted yesterday. She got hooked and could not help express her comments. So over to you my darling, make it snappy though;
“It is not only the physical entity of the country Nigeria that makes Nigeria the happiest place to live, it is the people. If you take out Nigerians from the country Nigeria, and judge the happiness of Nigeria purely based on what would be left – the infrastructure, the terribly finished houses, the lack of electricity, the undrinkable water, the pot holes filled roads, etc – no way will Nigeria ever be considered as the happiest place on earth to live.”
Wifey continued. “The people that make up Nigeria – Nigerians, are the people that make Nigeria happy. It is the fact that in spite of every conceivable thing that can ever go wrong in a country has actually been road tested on our shores; the people have refused to cave in. You still see smiles on their faces. They have managed to deal with the situation in the best way possible – face life head on”
By now wifey was on a roll, and there was no stopping her. She continued – “take for instance, in the UK, where the development is 1st class, almost everything works – the well planned infrastructure, the well built homes, the undisrupted electricity, the drinkable water and the immaculate roads, they all still look very miserable. Laughter is a scarce commodity in Queensland (UK).
Everyone minds their business; you could never get a laugh from anyone. If you happen to be in the tube (underground train) reading a very funny article and so happen to burst out laughing, the incredulous looks that will come your way will instantly coerce you back to your inner world. Over here in Nigeria, yes there are millions of generators competing to pollute the ozone layers, yes there are bad roads, however, there are heaps of laughter. Every other Nigerian is a comedian. This incredible gift for a nation cannot bought. Ask the English, if they could they would have. Now this is what makes Nigeria a very happy place to live in. What could make – as early as 6am in the morning, at the back of an open van, drizzling with rain- two young men throw jokes at each other in turns. Each joke is caught, digested and the after effect is the smile and laughter that it produces. This is what makes Nigeria a very happy place to live in.” Wifey concluded with a smile of her own.
Well done wifey. I could not agree more, but then you would say I was bias. Wouldn’t you? Happiness is all in the mind. Don’t get me wrong – a Hummer, Merc, Land Cruiser jeep or BMW parked in front of a swimming pool clad mansion, with butlers and maids at your disposal with an open ticket to travel to any destination in the world to go with it is almost anybody’s dream. But hey, who says that will make you happy? Just a thought.
We now have ‘Grace’
I got home yesterday to meet our new house help. Her name is Grace. A 22 year old of Akwa Ibom origin, South South of Nigeria promised wifey that she will spend at least 2 years in employment. Even the idealist in me found that hard to swallow. And contrary to what some believe, she is in employment and not slavery.
Now, to round 2 of the heavy weight encounter between my friends Kola and Victor.
I invited other FB pals to the discourse and they did not disappoint. This is what Wale Ajadi eloquently had to say;
Quite simply Nigeria is not a place for just anyone. It does not simplify neither does tone anything down on the contrary it is a place like true love where you will feel the depth of your despair and soar to the majesty of your delight. It is a place of infinite possibilities where dawn opens up the contradiction and nuances of humanity with very limited interference. It is a place where I feel completely alive. Today was no exception for the first after trying Qi gong in the UK for a couple of years I felt my Qi so effortlessly.
Bayo Olomodosi also added his wisdom;
“Interestingly, I would say both Victor & Kola are right because agreeing to the fact that our gud oll 9ja is d happiest place on earth is really a subjective matter. Though nobody is saying 9ja is such a ‘Fantastic’ place to live in jst as Victor alluded, I agree dt we should not paper over our very numerous & obvious problems. In the same vein, Kola would rather Victor gives us empirical analysis to back up his claim….well said…..
At this juncture, I will not dare say 9ja is either the best, happiest, most comfortable or worst, depressive & most uncomfortable contry to live in….BUT personally, av lived hia 4 over 4decades & av visited d so called 1st worlds in betwen these times & ill be honest with u dt inspite of all our imperfections (everything inclusive) our dear 9ja is still a very beautiful place to live…..neva mind all d stuff u read on d net abt us….
By d Special Grace of God, av been able 2interface wt very many expatriates who have come 2work in 9jas Oil Industry over time &” d common traits amongst all of them is their unwillingness to leave our gud oll country when their times are up……4gt d cash dt accrue to them…..mebelive its all about what they’ve experiened hia dt they cannot replicate or find in their (so called 1st world) countries……the opinions, arguments & comments are endless……bt as 4me & my house…..we shall luv 9ja, stay in 9ja & salvage 9ja in order to make this country what God has purposed for it to be…..hhhmmm…..GTB……no comments until u visit yet anoda branch wia u most probably will hav a different story 2tell……wakpa my bro……..”
Bumight had this rather interesting view and I kind of like it (check out the comments page for my reply)
I’m happy that u guys are having this conversation.
You can’t eat ur cake and have it. Every time I go home, Imarvel at the ease with which our people live. U don’t have to worry about bills, mortgage, working ridiculous hours etc. On the other hand, people who have to worry about such stuff enjoy the comforts that come with paying such bills.
It is all about being Home. Yorubas say “ajo o le dabi ile” Home will always have that special appeal no matter the comforts of other places. Only when u stop seeing Nigeria as home will u stop seeing it as the best place on earth! Peter has done such a good job of chronicling the corruption that exists in naija.
And Kola Munis had the final word, I think….
Ah, Victor, the fact that I have taken up a point of yours is no indication that I agree with Jide either. I know that Jide is simply speaking both subjectively and metaphorically. I could equally take him up on his claims, but I know it was almost tongue-in cheek.
Your statement on the other hand *appeared* (I may be wrong) to have taken him seriously. I have therefore tried to make the wider point that, seriously speaking, we can neither claim nor disclaim to be the ‘happiest’, or ‘unhappiest’ (or whatever) of people, because it is all so subjective.Having said that, there have been attempts at some objective analysis, and what came out? We are one of the ‘happiest’ people in the world. No-one really believes it, but for now, everyone is aware of the survey and it is something of a national joke.
Regarding the core of your argument, I completely agree with you! But I didn’t think this was the place to go into a long discussion on what is a major issue you’ve raised.
Free food donation Clicks
Still on the happiness theme. I came across a link on my FB page and I got interested in the simplicity of donating free food to the needy. I hope you do as well. It is a very simple way of feeding the hungry from the comfort of your seat. All you need to do is locate the link – How to donate free food with a click – located directly above this page. Remember, any click will do. Thanks Eva Papoutsaki for these links.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Photo of the day: ‘luxurious cover’
Coming up tomorrow: President John F. Kennedy once said ‘Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.’ What kinds of things do you think Kennedy had in mind when he was referring to what citizens could do for their country?
Today: 4th February 2009
706 words
President John F. Kennedy once said “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.” What kinds of things do you think Kennedy had in mind when he was referring to what citizens could do for their country?
I did promise that I will not discuss politics on this page, for my purpose for this diary will be crushed should I go that route. So the question posed above is not in any way to open a debate, but for you and me to ponder on the words of this assassinated leader who knew exactly the impart those words would have on his citizens and citizens of the world.
So what exactly do I think President Kenndy had in mind when he made that statement?. Well, that statement as old as it may be is still relevant, more so to the citizens of the African continent and lesser to our counterparts in the west who were privileged to have received and acted on the core significance of the wisdom impregnated in the womb of those words.
To reiterate; ‘Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.’
You do not have to be a resident of your country of origin for you to do, but,
· by your defiance in your positive and not record-playing negative statement
· by your beliefs that, one day it WILL get better
· by choosing to stand alone in doing the right thing in spite of
· by looking beyond the atrocities perpetrated by the selected leaders of the African countries
· by encouraging fellow citizens to look beyond ‘today’ at the polling booth
· by vowing not to succumb to family pressure when in power
· by blogging and hugging more of the good in the society that is neglected
· by talking less and doing more,
· by making a statement to the self appointed critics that it took centuries for our western counterparts and that we are on our way to achieving
· by being aware that the easiest occupation in the world is that of the critic – for they are like pigeons who go around and defecate on the statues of achievers
· by believing that YOU as a citizen of the dark skinned race is so much endowed with incredible ideas and talents
· and finally, by just doing your bit.
My brother and sister, you will sleep well in the full assurance of the knowledge that you have done your part and are willing to continue to do your part in spite of.
And if all should play their God appointed role on the stage called earth, then the production will be so well polished with the film becoming a box office hit. Then this race of the dark skin will glow as God Almighty intended, for we are his idea(you should never forget this) and he has never and will not now fail.
That’s not politics is it?
Honest, Solomonsydelle, I had ended my entry for the day. Until I read your comments. Thank you once again, I promise to make them short – not over 1000 words. Is that okay?
Also, I had an interesting, and rather controversial comment posted yesterday -“I have no faceBook account”- by my faceless internet pal – R4biz. Sorry Solomonsydelle, it is rather tooooo longggg, but if you could bear to read to the end, it is actually food for thought.
I welcome all your comments. By the way R4biz, thanks for sharing this with me. I will have to ponder on this. Information and knowledge shared is a wonderful thing.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Cheru of AlphaInventions.com did his bit and is getting all the recognition. Should you require advertising your blog globally this is the place to go. Yes, why not the free plug? After all he did his bit and deserves it.
Solomonsydelle, I made it. 706 words in total. That’s not bad is it?
What happened next?
Find out by clicking photo of the day: ‘Only In Nigeria’ – simply incredible photographs
Coming up tomorrow: “I really don’t know, honest”.
Today: 6th February 2009
934 words
The Boys’ Dialogue
What you are about to read below is a dialogue which took place yesterday at home:
Boys: Hello Daddy!
Dad: Hello Prof. Hello Oba. How are you guys today?
Boys: Fine (a chorus)
Dad: How was school today and your tests?
Prof: It was fine (Oba kept quite)
Dad: What subjects were you tested on today?
Prof: We did ICT, Home Economics, Maths and English. And we would be doing Yoruba and Ibo tomorrow.
Oba: Dad I did some tests too. (He has waited for his turn to speak, that is, my 5 year old boy)
Dad: Oh yea? What subjects?
Oba: History , Maths and Comprehension
Dad: Really? What class are you in again?
Oba: Reception class 2
Dad: Really? And you did all those subjects
Oba: Yes (vigorously nodding his head in confirmation)
Dad: Well done my son (by then Prof was poking faces in astonishment with Oba warning him with his accusing index finger).
Family Quotes
Daughter: Mummy, when is the clock going forward?
Mummy: (Caught off guard. Still astonished to answer. Regained her composure after a heavy bout of laughter to explain the difference in time zones.)
Naughty wifey.
For the record: It is an occurrence in the UK when the British Summer time kicks in. And what is that? Well it was first established by the Summer Time Act of 1916. And it is the period beginning at one o’clock, Greenwich Mean Time, in the morning of the last Sunday in March (when the hour moves forward – you gain an hour in bed) and ending at one o’clock, Greenwich Mean Time, in the morning of the last Sunday in October (and you lose an hour in bed – clock goes backwards).
Prof: Mum, what should I wear today? It’s Christmas eve!!!
That is typical of my cheeky 9 year old son. Christmas eve? Why should this day warrant a special dress code, I wondered? Soon he would start asking for Christmas eve presents.
It is Oba’s time to pray….
It is customary for us to pray and be thankful to God Almighty at the dining table, just before we fork and knife our meals. Also, sometimes, depending on how hungry we all are, we take turns to pray. When it is time for Oba to pray, there is usually a spell of restlessness. You want to know why? Well this is why – Oba praying
Oba: Some have food (with a tune) and cannot eat
Some can eat and have no food
We have food and we can eat
Glory be to God, Amen.
Bless this food for Christ sake
All: (And if we dare not respond, he would start all over again. With prof’s eyes already opened and with a mouthful to swallow, daughter smiling with one eye opened and dad looking at wifey with a look that says “and these are your children!”) We all quickly responded – AaaaaaaaMEN
Now it is bed time. The boys are tucked in bed. Prayers must be said, and again, as democracy demands, we take it in turns. We all gathered in the prayer room – the boys’ room. It is Oba’s turn again to pray and we all looked at each other, waiting for Oba to start…here we go;
Oba: Some have food and cannot eat, some can eat……..
A power outage, one paramedic and a 3-year old girl
I just do not know how and where my dear brother – Bayo Olomodosi - digs these emails from, it just keeps coming. I just could not but share this one with you. I can only describe it with these words; lollllllllllllllllll (lots of laughter). Here it goes;
“Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver then baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place……smack him
again!”
If God were….
Let me share with you a chat I had with a good friend Eyisegun Emmanuel yesterday.He was so funny and I made a point of telling him so. If the likes of Basket Mouth – a comedian is making millions of dosh in the comedy circuits, there is no reason why he couldn’t. Check out the liners below;
- “I am sure God looks down, shakes his head, looks back at the plan and wonders if he is responsible for nija (Nigeria)
- You know God has to be diplomatic…if he claims responsibility for nija it will be hard for his kingdom to prosper…if he does, people will say he isn’t able…
- My dada use to say…..if Jesus was a Nigerian he would be corrupted
- My definition of nija = the true test of one’s integrity
Photo of the day: ‘Only In Nigeria’ – O.I.N
(If you have not yet seen those photographs, I suggest you do.)
Coming up soon: Some thought provoking thoughts – nothing heavy.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future”
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
Today: 13th February 2009
1220 words
Sex gauge
Tomorrow is the remembrance of the death of Saint Val. A lot of proposals would take place. There will be disappointments as well. From ladies who had expected certain men to propose or to send a Val. Card. And from men who had higher hopes of being red-mated. All sorts would take place over the weekend. And it would continue on Sunday, in church where God would be very busy with confessions.
Courtesy of Jeremy a fellow blogger, I visited a very interesting website. Very appropriate for the current celebration, one could say. The website – Bedpost- has been described as a personal web application that will give you an insight into your sex life. Very ‘valentineish’, isn’t i?.
It gets very interesting. Once you register, of course, immediately after having sex, you will be required to fill out a few simple fields.
I see!
You have sex, …..then you….., after which you dash to the……, no, not the laptop, the toil@t, then rush to the laptop or computer and dial in. For those without broadband or wireless, it takes a bit longer, by the way, depending on your experience, you might still be panting.
…Oh I get it, those without a laptop can hop into wherever and visit a cyber cafe, still gasping for air as a result of …..running or coming….wherever….
BedPost, I have news for you. This Sex gauge or sexometer will not work in Africa o. You expect an African man to fill out a sheet of what? To guage what? So will the wife be aware of this sex guage? In Africa ke? Well, miracles do happen. On second thoughts – nayyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean NOoooooooooooooo WAYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
The objective of the website is to have a rolling history of your sex life on which to reflect.
Reflect ke?
Who wants to reflect?
Mami I don sleep fia fia. (Sorry folks – interpretation – boy, who really wants to reflect on each sexual activity. Not necessary the writers take, I must stress. Wifey, sorry o, all in the spirit of valentine abi – but sleep is what beckons immediately.)
Oh, before I forget on the website, it has the heading – “Ever wonder how often you get busy?”
How often who?
I beg jare….
- Okada the 3rd…….
Oh yes, I had to save myself a 20 minute walk yesterday morning to hitch a ride to work. So what did I do, I hissed for an Okada despatch rider. “How much 2 take me down d road”, I asked. “U mean new street road”, he asked, wanting to clarify if I wanted my ride extended? “eh now”, I responded. “N50”, the okada rider said. “Ok, na my 1st time o, so make u dey very careful o”, I lied. It was in fact my 3rd ride. As I carefully hopped on to the motorcycle, I hung on to dear life in the dark. No helmet. Not that I would have minded, but he just did not have one.
The journey was brisk, about 3 or 4 minutes. I could see that he was riding with care. These okada riders could tell the veteran passenger from the inexperienced one. It was a safe bumpy-less ride. I brought out N200, asked for N100 change. He was not limited in his appreciation. With his worn out helmet, he bowed several times. It must have been a good omen on how his day would be. For me, it was a Fantastic omen, having not fallen off the bike that my day would be Fantastic.
The following 2 titles were sent to me by my very dear brother Bayo Olomodosi ….keep them coming bro.
How do you spell Plantain?
During school hours one day, a teacher was teaching the students spellings. This conversation ensued between him and one of his students.
Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: Kwhish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?
Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell
plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na ‘DODO’,
if you fly the unlipe one na ‘SHIPS’
if you loast am, na ‘BORLI’
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell?
Food 4 thought – please endeavour to read till the end.
A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought She would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when She was not with him. She put on a Goldilocks costume.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on The dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he cuddle and copping a Little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After some more to drink he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put her costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
“Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.”
“You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, “Actually, I gave my Batman costume to your Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a hottie in a Goldilocks outfit”
Do you think she will be honest enough to tell her Husband the truth?
What is your take?
All in the spirit of Saint Valentine!!
Photo of the day: HAPPY VALENTINE! - (Love Uninhibited)
Coming up soon: as it unwraps.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
…..and Michael Jackson’s brother planning a ‘slavery theme park’. And why the fffing not?
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
Today: 17th February 2009
907 words
So what exactly is the matter?
The Resort
This is exactly the sort of subtle demeaning caressing that the British press engage in. You see, the amount of brainwashing that has gone on for centuries is incredible. I might have been delivered in an hospital in posh West London, but that does not in any way make me a coconut in the inside. I am seething having read the news slated with innuendoes of all sorts.
Read some of the headlines by the foreign press that accompanied this story;
· Jacksons star in Nigeria resort row…..BBC
· Michael Jackson’s brother planning ’slavery theme park’…..Daily Telegraph
· Michael Jackson’s brother involved in $3.4 billion slavery memorial in Nigeria…Talk Entertainment
What is the ffffing wrong with having a theme park that will remind the whole world of the carnage committed by the white slave masters? Yes, it is at par with Holocaust.
While the Jews will not tolerate any silly remarks, Africans such as a Prof Toyin Falola will continue to act as the mouth piece of organisations established to propagate everything negative about a gifted continent maligned by the greed of a soon-to-be-uprooted-little.
Respected writer and historian you may be, prof, but it is much more than sitting down in a cosy University of Texas office. You can write all the academic jargons you desire, but will it really ignite a change? Your research which is not visual is indexed in a book and left to the mercy of the cobwebs on a shelf in a social laboratory in America or Europe.
We need a more dynamic approach such as the one Marlon is involved in. Is it a money making scheme? I don’t know and I careless! I just want to see a place that will exhibit the worst massacre that had ever been inflicted on the black race . That is all. And if this makes uncomfortable reading for some, then tough, you can go and jump into the river in Badagry.
“It is not appropriate from a cultural or historical point of view. Those who are looking for money care about money and no other thing,” the Prof said.
Slaves in transit.
Didn’t Steven Spielberg make money from his 1993 epic film Schindler’s list? Didn’t he? And as a result of the success of the film, many people who otherwise would not have bothered with the history of the Holocaust have probed further. Why can’t the same apply to the transatlantic slave trade albeit through entertainment? Who cares if this information acts as a supplementary to history?
Spielberg has helped establish the Righteous Persons Foundation in 1994 after directing his Oscar-winning Holocaust film, Schindler’s List, which tells the true story of a non-Jewish factory owner who saved Jews during the Holocaust. According to the foundation’s website, Spielberg remarked upon donating $53 million to launch the new foundation that he “could not keep the money profited from the movie because it was blood money.”
To get such information to our children and the next generation, the world of today has required us to utilise all available means and that includes computer games, the internet, sports and theme parks. I am mad. I am boiling. Yes I know, I have resisted talking politics, but this is much more than politics.
It is for reasons such as this that I have set up JideSalu Diary – a forum to express my inner thoughts, no matter how painful it may come across. Bloggers and readers have the duty to assist in shaping the world by monitoring what the established media outfits disseminate and also act as filters.
Believe it or not, I have come across, and heard of cases of discrimination towards Nigerian workers by foreign workers. I would never have thought it was possible here in Nigeria. But it does happen.
For those of us who are fortunate to have experienced life abroad, we have a responsibility to demystify the white race. You get what I mean. It has to be done. Obama has gone a long way in proofing this point.
The BBC and its cohorts have helped shaped the thinking of Africans and care should be taken to avoid being constipated in our actions. We need to be very careful with what we consume and who we consume from.
From ‘Slave to Music’; again another headline from the BBC. If you are African and you can’t read between the lines, then God help you.
The foreigners have no sincere interest to develop Africa. It is up to Africans to. Therefore it is wholly our responsibility as Africans to educate the majority who are politically naive to vote with their heads and not their pockets.
In one of my replies to a comment posted by Bumight – a fellow blogger, the English are morally a 4th- world nation. Africa might be third world economically.
Mr Marlon Jackson - an investor
By the way, his name is Marlon Jackson and not Michael Jackson’s brother. That was the Daily Telegraph’s reference. What chic!
Okay, I can now breathe a sigh of release…..just for now. I have cooled down a bit.
******************************************************
Photo of the day: Hmmmmmnnnnn! Drumming home my point.
Coming up soon: I just don’t know yet…anything can happen, as it did today.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
Protected: ‘…..talking boyfriends with daughter’
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
On a lighter note – Vol 3
Today: 20th February 2009
964 words
It’s Friday. It’s another opportunity to share with you some stuff I consider funny. Don’t you go laughing at me if you do not find any of the jokes below funny. Okay.
Have a restful weekend.
Enjoy.
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The Bank Interview
One young man went for a BANK Interview.
“When did Nigeria gain her independence?” He was asked.
“The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1960″ He replied.
“Who was responsible for our independence?”
“There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another.” He replied.
“Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?”
“Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report” He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent bearded man would not leave him. “At least tell me the answers” he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this bearded man. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.” By the way, what is your date of birth?”
He replied, “The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1960.”
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. “What is your fathers name?”
He replied, “There were so many. Whom to mention”. If I name one, it will be injustice to another”.
The interviewer was incensed.
“Hey! Are you mad or what?”
He replied. “Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report.”
*************************************************
What an answer!
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute.”
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? “
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic…..
He said: “Try to do it when the engine is running”.
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The officer and the Gentleman – Boss
- When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
- When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
- When I don’t do it, I am lazy,
- When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
- When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
- When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
- When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
- When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
- When I make a mistake, I’ am an idiot.
- When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
- When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
- When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
- When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
- When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
- When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
- When my boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked
- When I do good, my boss never remembers,
- When I do wrong, he never forgets
*************************************************
The Christian Bear
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: “Oh my God…”
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that a bright light shone down upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: “You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don’t exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the bear a Christian?”
“Very well,” said the voice.
The light went out.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
Then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke: “Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen.”
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The Growth
Photo of the day: ‘What is this? Click to find out the answer.’ - inspirational
Coming up soon: Grace is ill O.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
“I misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money and other valuable things were kept. I would like you to assist me with a soft loan urgently to settle my hotel bills and get myself back home.”
The statement above was sent to an international figure on behalf of all Nigerians.
What a mess!
So the Justice Secretary for United Kingdom, Jack Straw got a taste of the Nigerian touch of scam. What can I say? Blame it on apartheid? Or the flimsy excuse that they inflicted so much pain on us – Africans, and it was right we carry out a cyber act of vendetta, through email scams, popularly known as 419 – otherwise described by Wikipedia as the advance-fee fraud .
419ers
The purpose of the rule governing 419 as enacted in the Constitution of Nigeria is like any other rule in Nigeria – not to be taken serious. What is not known is the damage it does for the reputation of a nation called Nigeria.
If I try to think of a solution, an anti 419 scammer device, I will be wasting my time. The politicians that are celebrated by the countless magazines in the country and looters that are honoured on an annual basis all engage in one form of scam or the other. The only difference is that they are not idiotic enough to target a Justice Secretary.
Think of this scenario; the numerous internet cafes out there are in business. All they are interested in is to make money. They care less what customers come to surf, or should they? I don’t know? I can’t imagine a situation in England or even in Nigeria for that matter, where the cyber cafe manager is seen strolling around surfers, like an invigilator in a classroom, waiting to pounce on whoever is caught sending a letter. Do you? This is not possible!
It is a tight rope to walk. How do you monitor surfers without prying or infringing on privacy? It is a tough call. It really is.
The buck could easily be passed onto the likes of Hotmail, Yahoo or Google to invest in anti spam technology. But should we pass the buck and blame someone else when it is happening at your door steps? Comeeee onnnnnnn!
The onus, is on us and rightly so too. As long as there is minimal enforcement for these silly 419ers, by way of a stiff punishment, then our reputation will remain in the gutters – as it already is.
Battered reputation
Just check out the headlines circulating round the world about me a NIGERIAN;
- Lost in Lagos? The mystery of Jack Straw and the Nigerian scammers – The Independent
- British minister targeted by Internet fraudsters: report – AP
- Jack Straw falls victim to Nigerian internet hackers – Guardian.co.uk
- Con artists hacked into Straw email – Daily Mirror
- Straw hit by internet fraudsters -BBC
I feel so ashamed and concerned.
I was once a candidate for these relentless scammers, but I made a point not to scream about it. I chose to wash the dirty linen in-house. But hey, when an international figure such as Mr Jack is chosen to be scammed, there is no denying the fact that a statement ought to be released from the office of the President. New bills ought to be debated and passed in both houses of parliaments. Our own Nigeria house in Northumberland in SW England ought to have had sleepless nights working out a damage limitation on the most populous black nation on the planet. What is going on here? Is it such a hard thing to do for chrissake? Heh? Who selects these people to direct our nation’s affairs?
Now, I am getting very crossed.
Taking responsibility
The scammers, we don’t know. They are faceless.
Who will know are our Foreign Minister. We also know who our High Commissioner in England is. We know who our Senate Leader is and we know who our leader at the house of representatives is. These people are not faceless. They ought to act NOW!
You see, don’t let us be fooled. Okay, Nigeria is big. Very big in terms of population and sheer land size. But does that qualify it to be an impossible task to handle? Nigeria is not a difficult nation to rule. If our leaders choose to live by examples and not lavish ill gotten wealth, the citizens will watch and try to abide. It is such a mess. Really. It is such a messy situation. And the painful thing is that these people do not give a hoot!
My civic responsibility
I, Babajide Salu, will continue to play my role in my family. Influence those within my compound. Move out a bit and try to influence my neighbourhood. Then, renew my vigour and move further out to the streets adjacent my street. And I will do this by all means. I have already started. That is the way I have chosen to carry out my civic duties. I ann’it waiting for no government. I am the government. Nigerians, I declare to you now, YOU are at fault, individually and collectively. If we allow illiterates to rule over us, then how do we expect to progress as a nation? I am vexed, so vexed.
Bye.
Photo of the day: ‘I DO’
Coming up soon: My tips for living in Nigeria.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
1026 words
Are you aware its Lent? …and so?
“In the English language, the special season before Easter is called ‘Lent’. The word comes from the ‘lengthening’ of daylight hours as we progress from the darkness of winter to the new light of spring.“
The statement above was made by
Dr D’Ambrosio went on to analyse the forty days season.
It is the season of the forty days.
OK, we do penance for forty days because Jesus fasted forty days in the wilderness. But did you ever wonder why he was out there for forty days rather than seven or ten or fifty? Think back to the Old Testament. Noah and company in the Ark watched rain fall for 40 days and forty nights. Moses was up on Sinai receiving the 10 commandments for 40 days. The Israelites wandered around the desert for 40 years. So why all these forties? Probably because it is forty weeks that a woman carries her developing baby before a new life can come forth from the womb.
As we enter this season of fasting, it is an opportunity to for us all to look inwards whilst I agree that we ought not to wait for pre-Easter to meditate and realign our focus. I stay away from talking religion as it is a very private arrangement between you and whoever you have chosen to believe in, but take a moment to reflect. Take time out and ponder.
In a country such as Nigeria, a country I consider (just my opinion remember), to be one of the most naturally gifted, endowed, blessed nation, if not the most blessed nation on earth languishing in all sorts of paralysis is astounding. For Nigeria, the most populous black nation on mother earth not to have direction, not to have leaders that are ready to die for the people, not to have basic infrastructures and what have you is more than one the ordinary eye sees. Consider this analogy, if you happen to come across an individual who you know, as a matter of fact to be gifted, almost to the point of genius, and this person is in a state of decay, what would come to mind? This is how I look at Nigeria.
Oh, to Bayo Dossy, Snatch, Gerrad and Bumight, thank you for your wonderful and insightful comments on yesterday’s diary entry. I shall duly oblige you with my replies. Just check back later today.
So a time to reflect is upon us – lent. Do not be religious about it, be practical. I say Amen to all your prayers.
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
What are your worst fears?
Hey guys, yesterday, I was thinking about throwing a question to you all. I chose to come back to Nigeria – and I shall be telling you more of my reasons in the coming weeks – and I know there are millions of you out there who have never given it a thought – WHY? If I may ask – or who have thought about it and are scared for some reasons or are simply too scared even though they are desperate to come back home.
To many, they have seen this diary as a platform to campaign to Nigerians in diaspora to come back home, well, you are probably right. But it has much more wider and far reaching goals than that.
My goal for this diary is to reach out to all, Nigerians and non – Nigerians ( potential visitors). Yes, I was born in the UK, and I am of Nigerian heritage and this puts me in a unique position to compare and contrast both countries and continents and this has prompted me to share and not impose my views.
I have also received, by virtue of writing this diary, a number of personal emails. I have not responded in public as they are personal and I have counted myself fortunate to be in a position to offer advice. Thank you for trusting.
Now an open invitation to every Nigerian living abroad. Why not ask me your most pertinent question. What are your worst fears for living in Nigeria? Why not send them in and in my usual blunt manner I will do my best to answer your question. So get going and spread the news as well.
Help spread the news
In fact, I am using this opportunity to ask you to forward this dairy -http://www.jidesalu.com - to all your friends out there. Let them know that it is ‘not that bad’ over here in 9ja/naija/gidi or las gidi or J town or AJcity (Ajegunle). Many of you have written to say you enjoy reading the blog, then don’t be selfish, spend a few minutes, and forward the url – http://www.jidesalu.com to all. Surprised? Don’t be, this is me, I am not proud to ask.THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.
EXCHANGE RATES
(As published in Nigerian Tribune)
|
Thur. 26th Feb, 2009 |
||||
|
Location |
Currency |
Sell |
Buy |
|
|
CBN |
Dollar |
144.90 |
145.90 |
|
|
pound |
210.48 |
211.93 |
||
|
Euro |
185.29 |
185.94 |
||
|
Lagos |
Dollar |
154.00 |
155.00 |
|
|
pound |
225.00 |
226.50 |
||
|
Euro |
198.00 |
201.00 |
||
|
Ikeja |
Dollar |
154.50 |
156.00 |
|
|
|
pound |
226.00 |
228.00 |
|
|
|
Euro |
198.50 |
201.50 |
|
How time flies!
It is coming to that time when I will let you all know the moment I clock 365 days in Nigeria. It has been a very interesting period of my life and, No, I do not plan to reveal my photographic identity yet. The right time will come. I plan to dedicate that week with some special entries. So watch out, you never know, some censored information might come to light. I will also answer any personal questions thrown at me. I shall try to. I am looking forward to it and I thank God for his infinite mercies.
Tips Updated
This is to inform you all that I have updated ‘my tips’ page. Remember they are my exclusive tips and are not applicable to all. They are not set in stone either. Enjoy.
Photo of the day: ‘Posted’
Coming up soon: Life in Naija
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
BREAKING NEWS: “We now have a Mercy” – (From Rebecca to Blessing, then Grace, and for 24hours Joy and now Mercy. What is going on?) Find out on Monday
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WIFE’S DIARY – Sunday night.
I thought he was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have coffee.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.
He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong.
He said: “Nothing.”
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him.
He simply smiled and kept driving.
I can’t explain his behaviour; I don’t know why he didn’t say: “I love u, too.”
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don’t know what to do.
I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HUSBAND’S DIARY – Sunday Night,
Today, Man United lost the match. DAMN IT..!!
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True Confessions!!!!
Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a busy Sunday.
They agreed it’s so difficult preaching to people all the time and no one preaches to them.
Sitting by the river with little response from the hooks one pastor thought of sharing his heart with others.
He said “guys its rare to get such an opportunity to be among ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our lives and help each other with our weaknesses”.
They all agreed to this.
This pastor said “Gentlemen I need help! The people in my church give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by little but now I take a big chunk. I can’t stop stealing from the church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be fired”!
The other pastor said “brothers your sins are better than mine! I have slept with every woman in the church including married women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me, they will kill me!”
The last pastor’s feet were shaking as they were talking. They thought he had a big story to tell.
He stood up and said “My brothers my problem is gossip, there is nothing I hear that I don’t tell everyone! Infact I can’t sit anymore. I have to share this with the congregation!
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Husband writes:
Dear Sweetheart,
I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart Your husband Allen.
His wife replies after some days:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, attached is the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses.
Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months?
Please Advise.
Ur sweetheart.
Bayo Dossy, keep these jokes coming, thanks.
Have a fab weekend you all.
Photo of the day: ‘ Cab please – Horse Tripping’
Coming up soon: My tips for living in Nigeria.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
An Apology
The first thing I ought to do this morning is to apologise for the disappearance of Monday’s entry. This was due to some technological misdemeanour. It was totally out of my control and as I write, it is with faith that I am hoping all will be fixed today. Buy hey, it is technology. It is not a matter of life and death.
So what have you missed? Nothing, as yesterday’s entry has been posted. Just scroll down or click on 2nd of March to read.
So what’s up?
Quite a lot actually.
Murtala Mohammed International airport – no buzz
Let me start with my trip to the airport on Saturday. The same Murtala Mohammed International airport. I don’t know what to make of our airport. If you expect it to show off our wealth or natural talent for beauty or design, then it is a disappointment. Travelling to Heathrow or Gatwick or even smaller airports such as Stanstead or city airport in London, give you a buzz. There is an airport buzz, like there is a football stadium buzz. Our airport does not give me the airport-feel-good-factor buzz, I must confess.
It looks like a legislated path assigned to depart a country. If the aeroplanes were not parked, it could easily pass for a big motor park. It’s not near the beautiful boisterous place where numerous discounted shops are on display inviting all to spend before you end up somewhere else. The airport officials are working hard, but you could tell they all have an agenda. Our airport seems to be the only one I am aware of that has a restriction on well wishers. All arriving passengers would have to have left the vicinity of the building before any hugging or kisses are permitted to be exchanged. It’s a shame really. Nigeria just has a way of been different in all things.
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Bandaged and Protruding luggage
Travellers with boxes heavily bandaged and luggage protruding as a result of stuffed parcels, shoes, carrying corn flakes, chocolates, etc is a sight to behold. Passengers coming through the exit doors with very weighty baggage delicately positioned on tired looking trolleys waiting to be welcome by the Nigerian heat and drivers, relatives, Naira-wad-carrying bureau-de-change impersonators, and general onlookers must be embarrassed in a way. Come on, they must be?
Well my friend Toyin, arrived via Virgin Atlantic. She had experienced her drama back at Heathrow, chaos that is not an exclusive attribute to Nigeria. She was on the Virgin Atlantic queue for almost 2 hours in spite of her e-ticket. The vending machines were not working and as a result all Virgin passengers travelling various destinations had to check in via one source, hence the long queue. She did not find it funny.
Environmental Day
We had stayed in contact via Nigeria’s favourite method of communication –texting. I had decided I was going to get to the airport on time to see if by any stroke of luck she arrives early enough for us to depart to escape the restriction of movement on this particular Saturday. I had mentioned it once that you must be prepared to wait in the car park till 10am if you choose to travel to Nigeria on any last Saturday of the month – there is an event known as Environmental Day, a day dedicated to a general state clean up.
Toyin’s last visit to Nigeria was 15 years ago. I told her to expect a lot of changes. She has. I will provide you with an exclusive brief of Toyin’s assessment of Nigeria sometime this week or next. It should make an interesting read.
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The power of the TECH!
What was it like those many years ago before the advent of technology? Sometimes, I just wondered how it was in those days. And when I refer to those days, I am not calling on the 50s or 60s. I could start from as late as the 80s when technology, at least to Nigeria, Africa was not readily available to the market traders.
Just imagine, for how long could you survive for if you were denied two of technology’s essentials – the internet and the mobile phone? The mobile phone, I think I could survive for less than 30 minutes. The internet? Possibly for just a weekend. Aside this time scales, I would be seen to be very grumpy.
So how was I able to complete my project at the University of Ife without the internet? How was I able to communicate with my parents from Federal Government College Warri without a text facility such as the mobile phone? It explains how I could spend hours writing without thinking I was doing anything special. What I am now doing is as a result of what I did those many years ago. When I needed extra pocket money after I had spent all the bursary given to us then by the Federal Government, I would have to write a letter to my parents stating my case why I deserved some extra, extra pocket money. And this would have to be written in proper English, not the text language. I always encourage my children, to their obvious discontentment, to text utilising the Queen’s English. Or need I ask, is this harsh? Am I being unreasonable? Honestly, I do not think so. When was the last time you got a pen and piece of A4 sheet of paper to write a letter? Yes, I am asking YOU. As much as my children’s generation think this habit is stale, I let them know that to acquire good experience with a reputable firm, much more will required of them than their ability to eloquently communicate utilising text grammar. Sorry, this is something to ponder hehn?
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That ‘poo’ song
God help me! I had discussed it with wifey and she agreed that our Christian life and spiritual growth is not dependent on attending a Pentecostal church. More so in Nigeria, a realm, where contradiction is a celebration. Where do I begin the search for a church? As we begun our search. It was very difficult picking one. Let me put it this way, it was rather confusing. When every curve and bend plays host to a gathering, where any space unused on a Sunday is converted to a Church, when the smallest church I had ever set eyes on in the world still required the Pastor to hold a microphone to talk can all be rather confusing. Not to take the Mickey, one really needs God’s intervention to settle for a place of worship here in Nigeria.
Wifey and I, well more of me really, agreed to attend the Church of Resurrection in 1004 in Victoria Island Lagos. The snag here is that the children did not fancy it. While hymns song brought flooding back the good old days, daughter who has out grown the Sunday school class and attends the main service with us , looks at us in sympathy, rolling her eyes and shaking her head in unison. She just could not get it. To make matters more interesting, wifey and I fancy the early morning service which starts at 7.30am. It has also become an arduous task to get the boys to settle at Sunday school classes as well. They just do not enjoy it except when ‘Prof’ sees his friend Feranmi Olunloyo, then his day would be made.
It’s getting rather lengthy now so I’ll continue tomorrow with the ‘poo song’. I promise. See ya.
Photo of the day: ‘Take a guess’
Coming up soon: The ‘poo’ song sung in church
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future
The attorney and the witness
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
____________________________________
…..and the best for last – a classic;
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Oba’s spelling homework
A couple of weeks ago, on my arrival from work, I got home to meet wifey and Oba (my 5 year old son) busy. Oba was trying to complete his English homework, and Mum was by his side offering tips. You all know the score. Most of these home works are actually meant for the mums, rather than the pupils. Isn’t that the case? I ask, who ends up doing 99% of the research? Who ends up getting stressed if the work is not completed? Who ends up screaming, reminding all that the homework needs to be submitted? Who and who and….? It is my darling wifey.
Anyway, on this fateful day, the English assignment was all about getting the spelling right. It was spelling time for Oba! It was Oba’s turn to know his vowels by heart which he knew quite all right. “a, e, i, o, u” rhyme with a tune was his latest song. He could sing it as good as Mario’s ‘Let me love you hit’. Oba is that good.
Now back to the spelling homework. Oba was to select a vowel and replace the missing word. It goes something like this;
- D_G
- H_T
- F_X
I told you all that Oba was ‘hot’ on his vowels as he correctly filled in the missing letter by choosing the appropriate vowel. Okay, so what is all the fuss about? Well, you would understand when it was time for Oba to fill in the missing letter for SH_T. Without blinking, he chose, yes, you guess it the letter ‘i’.
Wifey looked on and hesitating to pronounce the complete word, promptly suggested the vowel ’u’. And that was how SHIT became SHUT.
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The Polite Way to Pee!
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’
Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’
‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?’
Johnny said ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’
The teacher fainted…
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Guys, remember, life is very short. When you choose to look for the joke in a problem, the problem then becomes a joke.
God bless you and have a fabulous and restful weekend.
Photo of the day: ‘ShorFayre’
Coming up soon: One week of exclusive reporting to commemorate 365 days
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future.
Hello,
sORRY, I am away on a holiday today, and I have promised that I will not venture near the computer/laptop/whatever on any public holiday in Nigeria.
I decided to leave you with words of wisdom by a very good friend of mine. Some of you might have heard of him, many might never have, some might even know him, like I do.
Let me introduce you to 
Warren. Mr Warren to most of you. How has he become a personal friend you may ask? Well, I have read articles and books on him and I very much cherish this old head who only grows wiser instead of older with each year. He has gavin me some tips, and I thought it would only be fair to share them with you.
So if I were you, I would print this blog entry and click on MR WARREN BUFFET to find out more about my special friend. I promise you, you will not regret it. Have you clicked yet? Well, here you go, another opportunity – WARRENT BUFFET.
So get your printer ready to print these words of wisdom. Do let me know what you think of Warren. Catch you all tomorrow.
Here we go;
Friends – We begin this New Year with dampened enthusiasm and dented optimism. Our happiness is diluted and our peace is threatened by the financial illness that has infected our families, organizations and nations. Everyone is desperate to find a remedy that will cure their financial illness and help them recover their financial health. They expect the financial experts to provide them with remedies, forgetting the fact that it is these experts who created this financial mess.
Every new year, I adopt a couple of old maxims as my beacons to guide my future. This self-prescribed therapy has ensured that with each passing year, I grow wiser and not older. This year, I invite you to tap into the financial wisdom of our elders along with me, and become financially wiser.
- Hard work: All hard work bring a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
- Laziness: A sleeping lobster is carried away by the water current.
- Earnings: Never depend on a single source of income. [ At least make your Investments get you second earning
- Spending: If you buy things you don't need, you'll soon sell things you need.
- Savings: Don't save what is left after spending; Spend what is left after saving.
- Borrowings: The borrower becomes the lender's slave.
- Accounting: It's no use carrying an umbrella, if your shoes are leaking.
- Auditing: Beware of little expenses; A small leak can sink a large ship.
- Risk-taking: Never test the depth of the river with both feet. [ Have an alternate plan ready ]
- Investment: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
I’m certain that those who have already been practicing these principles remain financially healthy. I’m equally confident that those who resolve to start practicing these principles will quickly regain their financial health.
Let us become wiser and lead a happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful life.
Ade Bakare
Ade Bakare Invite
Wifey and I were invited to the 2nd Young Designers Creative Competition organised by one of Nigeria’s most recognised and successful top designers, Ade Bakare. Held Saturday, 7th March at the new Federal Palace Hotel, the show with a N10, 000 ticket price attracted a host of celebrities and fashion exhibitionists. The Nollywood actress Genevie Nnaji was in attendance, so were Fash, aka Ambassador John Fashanu as he loves to be known, TV presenter, Bisi Olatilo, Senator Florence Ita-Giwa and former beauty Queen Helen Prest-Ajayi. Hosted by the 61 year old effervescent Yemisi Ransome-Kuti, all the ‘ire’- unnecessary intros that have come to be associated with similar events were sensibly omitted.
I must say that I was very impressed, firstly, with the thought behind the event and secondly, the talents that were on display. Adire material was thoroughly put to the test through the various creative designs that were on paraded on the cat work, and it surly passed with flying colours. It was a very good evening, a perfect example of a successful Nigerian using his fame, connections and resources to expose the hidden talents in a creative and competitive profession. Kudos goes to Ade Bakare and I am looking forward to next year’s event which will hopefully be hosted by Madam Yemisi Ransome-Kuti.
Diasporas to Nigeria
Wifey and I sat next to Wale Opayinka, an old acquaintance back in England. He is CEO of 3E and organiser of the annual Awesome Praise held in cities across the world. Wale who never docks an opportunity to express his opinions had a few things to say about the influx of Nigerians in Diaspora. He is of the opinion that, come August and September of this year, it might be too late for Nigerians with the plans to relocate to properly settle as it would become increasingly difficult to find a rewarding job that will compliment both skills and the number of years spent abroad acquiring these skills. To be honest with you, I don’t know where Wale got his statistics from, but as a qualified actuarist, it would be difficult for me to flaw his projection. Only time will tell.
Coincidentally, stories of returning Nigerians and how it is beginning to affect the market was commented upon in NEXT newspaper this past Sunday. So Wale might not be far-fetched with his comments. What all this brings to mind is what happened to my parents in the 60s and early 70s. It’s come round in circles.
My celebrity wifey?
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you of how wifey almost behaved like a diva on Saturday evening at the Federal Palace hotel. As we have come to expect of red carpet occasions with the photographers – paparazzi, hired, magazine commissioned and newspaper’s , they were all out in their numbers. Wifey was not in the mood to pose this time as she breezed past them. Flash bulbs were flashing and it brought back memories of the Ovation’s Red carol where she was happy to pose and ended up appearing in the magazine as well as a national newspaper. Just this past Friday, on a trip to the Palms shopping mall, just as she stepped out, she was ambushed by a TV crew who wanted to have her opinions on Nollywood. She was calm and poised as ever, and answered all that were thrust at her. I guess the high life of Paparazzi and TV interviews is beginning to take its toll on wifey. So next time, when I see Beyonce or Brad walk pass the paparazzi without so much of a smile, I would be able to relate to it – suffering from wifey syndrome.
Blessing wants back!
Believe it or not! Wifey got a phone call last week from ‘Blessing’. Do you all remember who she is? One of our ex-maids! Since her abrupt ‘walk out’, we have had the inconceivable ‘Grace’ and the merciful ‘Mercy’. Wifey was astonished to hear her submissive voice at the other end of the phone asking for her old job back. Curious, wifey asked why she left in the first place. Her reply was even more astonishing, “na d ironing ma, i no like to dey iron”.
Woo ah, mercy, mercy us……
This was not exactly how Marvin Gaye sang his classic song “Mercy mercy me”. I really don’t know what to make of ‘Mercy’. It could be a case of suffering the ‘GraceEffect’ – a ‘maid disease’. (For those new to reading my diary, Grace was the house maid that arrived immediately after ‘Blessing’ decided enough was enough. She was appropriately described by wifey as a maverick dunce)
Mercy in her short stay with us already has a number of firsts under her ‘wrapper’. They include the following;
- She addresses wifey as mummy and you know what she calls me as well
- She gave wifey’s mum a hug as she was introduced
- She has correctly used the word ‘perceive’ in a sentence
- She has positively contributed in the kitchen by offering a cooking tip
- She wakes up without before everyone and does her chores
- Wifey has already given her a couple of tops (less than 3 weeks of her arrival)
- The boys and daughter have a very good rapport with her
- I have communicated with her more times than all the other maids combined (with the exception of Rebecca)
- She sings about the house with a warm attitude whilst going about her duties
- She was described by wifey as a lover of fashion which makes her a tidy girl
- She loves to iron anything washed, and this includes socks and pants
We are not getting carried away with merciful Mercy. I always remind myself that, like all the previous house maids, with the exception of the unbelievable ‘Grace’, they all start well and begin to depreciate in output with every passing day.
My version of Oh, mercy….
It was not quite how the genius Marvin Gaye sang it, but this is my version;
“Oh, mercy mercy us
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be after Grace
No, no
Where did all the washing up liquid go?
Laziness is the wind that blows
From the north, east, south, and sea
Oh, mercy mercy us
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
No, no
Oil wasted in the kitchen
Fish full of mercury
Oh, mercy mercy me
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
No, no
Perspiration all over wifey as she ponders what to make of Grace
Mosquitoes and cockroaches who live nearby are dying, thankfully
Oh, mercy mercy me
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
What about wifey?
How much more excuse could she stand?
My sweet Lord
My sweet Lord
My sweet Lord “
Marvin’s version….
Oh, mercy mercy me
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
No, no
Where did all the blue sky go?
Poison is the wind that blows
From the north, east, south, and sea
Oh, mercy mercy me
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
No, no
Oil wasted on the oceans and upon our seas
Fish full of mercury
Oh, mercy mercy me
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
No, no
Radiation in the ground and in the sky
Animals and birds who live nearby are dying
Oh, mercy mercy me
Oh, things ain’t what they used to be
What about this overcrowded land?
How much more abuse from man can you stand?
My sweet Lord
My sweet Lord
My sweet Lord
Photo of the day: ‘More photographs of Ade Bakare’s young designers’
Coming up soon: “It just needs to rain and my neighbour’s car panics and begins to protest by wailing with its siren”
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future
Protected: When it rains, my neighbour’s car wails….
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
Mobile artisan…..
Did I tell you all about the lady that came to plat Toyin’s hair last week? Toyin is a dear friend who came visiting Nigeria after almost 19 years. You have to look out for an exclusive report on Toyin’s observations in next week’s special report.
Okay, let me tell you all about it. As it were with ladies, wifey and Toyin had gone round all day doing last minute shopping and what have you. It was night time, after dinner; wifey was still making frantic phone calls to our neighbour who was the contact for the mobile hair dresser.
She was running late. I reckoned. Past 8pm. Anyway, we continued chatting after dinner. Yet another phone call, and this time it was almost 10pm.
I was almost certain that the lady was no longer going to turn up. It was minutes to 11pm and guess what? Oh yes, an announcement came through from Mercy that a lady was asking after wifey. Wifey guessed right, it was the hair dresser. At almost 11pm?
She strolled in majestically, as if, the time for her arrival was pre-arranged for this late. Well, she was not alone. Oh yes! She wasn’t! She came, believe it or not, with her 3 year old son, who held tightly to her mother’s palm.
I could just not believe what my eyes were beaming to me. What on earth is happening here? I asked myself? The lady extended pleasantries to all concerned and immediately asked for directions to the ladies. Yes, she needed to get ready for the short night ahead, and the best place to flex her hands was the toilet – I guess. And off she went, with her son tagged onto dear life. Both would spend a reasonable time in there.
By then, I got up, to excuse the party. I looked on and wished Toyin all the luck in the world, informing her that the driver who was to pick her up by 5am in the morning for her airport trip would probably meet her still up.
While I was upstairs, I was trying to make sense of what was going on downstairs. The ladies perfectly knew what was to take place, but in my naivety, I was of the opinion that the hair dresser would finish up and depart for the night.
That was not quite what happened! When my mobile phone correctly pointed out that it was 1am, then 2am, then 2.30am, I knew that this lady with her son were on a mission, and would accomplish this mission wherever and whatever hour it takes.
Of course, I could not sleep. I was on the chair, glued to the T.V, getting acquainted with programmes that I would never had believed existed. How can I sleep knowing that there is a stranger in my house. More so, I had to stay up, because our guest was up. Simple courtesy.
I was tired. Wifey announced that she had arranged for the lady and her son to sleep in the guest room down stairs. For the night, she will be in the same room with Mercy.
By the way, what is it with maids sleeping on the floor, eh? Mercy, with all her fashion included. Her excuse to wifey was, “mum, it is cooler on the floor”. At least, she was forthright. And we believed her. I must confess it was beginning to bother me.
By now it was past 3am and Toyin was to be out of the house by 5am. Which also means wifey and I would have to be awake by 5am. Wifey hardly had a wink and was up before 5am. That is how she is wired. I am not. I can sleep for 5 minutes and that will do me.
Toyin’s arranged driver was out waiting and incredibly the hairdresser had been awake. She had already given her son a wash and was ready to get a lift to Ikeja (the other end of Lagos) for her next job. “Her next job?” Yes, her next job.
Her fee for the night was N3, 500. Well the hotel accommodation was free. But seriously, what Nigerians would do to earn a living!
Assorted meat ….
Nigerians love to eat. Well, I better talk for myself. I like my food if I may say. However, I am weary of the assorted meat and meat delicacies that fill up party plates. I am particularly careful of pepper soup of any make or flavour. A bus driver or conductor have been noted to eat many rations of eba (made out of processed cassava) as early as 4am to carry them through the day. 4am? Eba?
When you really think about it, the other option is not to eat meat at all or restrict yourself to fish, which is a healthier option.
Honestly, I cannot imagine a bus driver feeding on salad at 4am in the morning.
I was asking wifey about some so called meat delicacies and what part of the goat it represented. For instance;
- pokoto! What in heaven is this? I know I kind of like it as I suck a slimy juice out of a bone (I am salivating just writing about it).
- Pomo! Isn’t this leather
- Shaki! This is something in the inside of the goat or cow stomach I suppose.
- Edo! Liver of the goat.
- Then you have isi-ewu! Isn’t that goat head?
Nigerians also eat fish eat, nourishing and good for the brain, I have been brainwashed to believe! There is also cow leg, goat leg and what have you?
Can anyone tell me if these delicacies have any nutritional benefit? I am waiting!
JideSaluImages
It started yesterday.
JideSaluImages will feature brilliant photographs that capture quintessential Nigeria.
Today’s feature captures two women on their way to a very important function. Click on photo of the day to find out their mode of transportation!
Photo of the day: ‘With a Smile’
Coming up: “all next week, special reports”
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future
Hello everyone, this is a letter recently received by the Virgin Atlantic customer complaints team and is currently being hailed as possibly the funniest customer complaint letter ever.
The Virgin Atlantic press officewas called and they confirmed they received the letter and that Richard Branson himself called the author to thank him for the feedback. Apprciation goes to Yahoo for publishing this letter.
Here’s the letter.
Dear Mr Branson
REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008
I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.
Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.
Look at this Richard. Just look at it:
I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?
You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:
I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.
I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.
Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.
Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.
By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation:
It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.
I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.
Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:
I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:
Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.
My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:
Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.
Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.
So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.
As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.
Yours Sincererly…
NOTE: Paul Charles, Virgin’s Director of Corporate Communications, confirmed that Sir Richard Branson had telephoned the author of the letter and had thanked him for his “constructive if tongue-in-cheek” email. Mr Charles said that Virgin was sorry the passenger had not liked the in-flight meals which he said was “award-winning food which is very popular on our Indian routes.”
Our dear friend Toyin was in Town, a week ago! How time flies! Or was it two weeks? Anyway, you see T, we miss you already, especially at the dining table. I told her that she would be a perfect candidate to ask a few questions about the new Nigeria. After 18 years of being away from Nigeria, her opinions and impressions of Nigeria would be deemed credible.
So, I drafted some questions – 20 in all, and sent it over to Toyin by email. She kindly responded, and I must say, she was candid as I thought she would.
Below is Toyin’s reply to my email.
Enjoy.
……By the way, Toyin, thank you so much for your reply, you know wifey and I appreciate you, and yes, it’s true, the boys’ ‘nigerian-ised’ accent is beginning to get to me because I think most times they get carried away with it. While most Nigerian children are encouraged to speak in a foreign accent, my boys are very proud of their Nigerian accent!
Murtala Muhammed Airport
JSD: Where would you say you are from?
TOYIN: I am Nigerian, I will preface this by saying I lived mostly in Lagos, and spent my visit there. All my comments below relate to Lagos.
JSD: Have been out of Nigeria for 18 years? What kept you out for that long?
TOYIN: When I left I didn’t have any intentions of returning for reasons best kept to myself.
JSD: What were your fears about visiting Nigeria? And what do you now make of them now?
TOYIN: Hated the frenzied way of life – the news I heard over the years of unwanted night-time visitors, corruption and lack of basic facilities did not encourage me to return. As time passed, it became difficult to consider coming back, even for a visit. Also, with time, I lost touch with people I knew, and it just didn’t seem to be something I could even consider.
I was pleasantly surprised at how different things were.
JSD: What were your first impressions on touching down?
TOYIN: I would give you a little tale here. The stewardess announced something along the lines of, ‘Ladies and gentlemen: we will shortly be arriving in Lagos, etc. Please ensure that all phones remain switched off, because of blah, blah reasons…’ I wasn’t really paying attention, as I was experiencing the mixed feelings you would expect from someone who’d been away from Nigeria for so long. That did not stop me from noticing the mobile phones springing from numerous pockets regardless, as one woman in particular began to, I assume, announce her arrival to someone on the other side, while other fingers sprinted across the telephone keypads possibly texting the same information.
Oh dear, thought I. The announcement must have had the reverse effect on the passengers. Or did I miss the part when she advised us to use our mobile phones immediately? Ah well, only in Nigeria.
I commented about this to the lady beside me, who wasn’t exactly enamoured of their practices either. ‘Don’t mind those … people,’ she said. ‘As soon as they land in Nigeria, they begin to behave as though they’ve never been away.’ Read between the lines, dear reader, for the less than delicate words she may have used to describe them.
JSD: What do you make of our Airport and its service?
TOYIN: The airport was no different from the one I’d left a few hours before which is saying quite a lot. This was bright, airy and welcoming. There was an escalator and it worked!
There were a lot of complaints about Nigerians having to queue while those with foreign passports simply sauntered past immigration, but since 98.8% of us held the green passport, I don’t see how that could have been avoided. There were no smiles from the officials, but they didn’t hang about either. The process was reasonably quick.
JSD: Were there many foreigners on the flight to Nigeria?
TOYIN: A couple that I recall.
JSD: You spent a week? Was it enough to give a real impression about Nigeria after 18 years?
TOYIN: I travelled through Lagos extensively, and got a reasonable perception of how things had changed or not.
JSD: What depressed you about Nigeria?
TOYIN: The traffic jams were as horrific as before, possibly worse. Travelling was curtailed depending on where you lived. I stayed in Lekki, and visited Festac TOWN. On both ends, I could not stay out past a certain time, because the driver and/or I would be stuck in those infernal queues! And the cost of living has got to be prohibitive for most of the populace. Nothing cost 10 naira oh, I remember – a tiny sachet of milk did!
JSD: What excited you about Nigeria?
TOYIN: There was a sense of hope and change in the air. I also realised how much Nigerians enjoyed their lives despite what would be considered abject poverty by some from progressive countries. I lost count of the number of men I saw hanging off the backs of trucks laden with sacks of who-knows-what. Yet they were laughing, joking and playing around. One of them even took time out to direct the traffic briefly so that his truck and others in his lane could cut across to the other side. And the cars he stalled simply waited patiently for this to happen. I was quite amused, as I thought ‘this could only happen in Nigeria!’
JSD: What has really changed about Nigeria?
TOYIN: One of the things I’d expected was to be stopped with those words ‘Madam, wetin you carry’. In all my travels, this never happened even once. And the major roads were really clean. I lost count of the number of street cleaners in their orange uniforms on every motorway. It was very encouraging. Also, the crowds in places like Oshodi and Ojota had disappeared. I don’t know how, but those places just looked… better.
JSD: Was there anything you were looking forward to eating in Nigeria?
Agbalumo Fruit
TOYIN: Agbalumo and Gala. But I was not brave enough to taste the latter, even though it was hawked at me on every single road.
JSD: Was there anything you saw in Nigeria that almost made you cry?
TOYIN: The state of Festac Town. It was a sorry sight, completely unrecognisable as the suburban town I left behind. My heart bled.
I also remember seeing many decently-dressed people crossing the roads to catch their buses/okadas to work and noticed that behind them were dilapidated high-rise flats (they looked really terrible). Despite their lovely hairstyles and nice-looking clothes, these people lived in depressive conditions. It was sad, but then again, said a lot about the robustness of Lagosians.
JSD: Is there anything you will miss about Nigeria? What fun memories would you have of your visit to Nigeria?
TOYIN: I was constantly bemused/amused at the way people took their lives into their hands. Driving in Lagos has to be experienced. You had to have your wits about you at all times because there is no telling when your nice two lane road could morph into five lanes. Pedestrians also expect you to brake from your 60 kph speed as they sprint across a three lane motorway.
JSD: Do you see yourself permanently relocating to Nigeria? If yes, why? If No, why?
TOYIN: No. For personal reasons.
JSD: Mention anything you were proud of on your visit to Nigeria?
TOYIN: As mentioned earlier, I was extremely impressed with the cleanliness the motorways. I was also pleasantly surprised with the banks (although I didn’t understand either the proliferation of financial houses or the concept of banks situated next to residences). For obvious reasons there was security tight enough to beat any international airport in the UK, but the interior and service mostly matched any bank I had visited abroad.
I was also impressed by the public customer service. They were polite and generally helpful. I must mention the staff at the Nigerian airport on my return trip. They were so pleasant and helpful that I kept expecting someone to ask me for a kickback for such good service. But I am proud to say I was never asked for a naira from a single one of them.
There is nothing drab about the average Nigerian. They live colourful lives which can be seen in everything from their houses to children’s school uniforms.
JSD: You met your host’s children, what is your honest assessment of their resettlement in Nigeria?
TOYIN: They seemed quite adjusted in the short year they had been there. The educational system appears to be considerably tougher than what they left behind, but they appeared to be coping fairly well.
Interestingly, the younger boys had acquired Yoruba accents they could be proud of (although I’m not sure their parents were!)
JSD: You stayed with your friends; what do you make of their boldness to relocate?
TOYIN: I admire their choice. There is a lot to adjust to, not least the lack of basics like running water and constant electricity, but they had a sense of purpose and gave me a good insight into the potential opportunities for any Nigerian abroad who is considering relocation.
JSD: What advice would you give to any Nigerian that has been away from Nigeria for a number of years?
TOYIN: Start with short visits.
JSD: In one sentence, how would you describe Nigeria?
TOYIN: Full of potential and opportunity.
JSD: In one word, how would you describe Nigerians?
TOYIN: Resourceful
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Photo of the day: ‘Twin Theatres’
Coming up: …daughter’s interview with JSD. Another must read.
Remember, “Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future
Protected: A Chat with Daughter: A week so special – part 3
Protected: The boys had something to say : A week so special -part 4
Oh thank you
Oh I know I may not be anything to you
Nothing special,
An ordinary voice, a lone writer,
But I know I am something to you.
You are not a time waster,
You do not are a master planner
Every beat of the second stroke matters to you
There was a reason you made me,
There must be
There is a purpose to which I have formulated all these habits
No time
No experience
Is a waste
I may be amongst the billions of speck
But you still do care
There is nothing that goes by without your approval
So why the hell
Should I worry?
I have total trust in your words
Hence I hold onto them
Because no man can recreate them
I have two feet and require only a pair of shoes
At a time
I have one body
And can only sleep on one bed at a time
How many rooms can I sleep in at a time?
So why the heck
Should I envy those that think they have everything?
I am going at my pace
With your guidance
I have reasons to thank you this moment because
I was so vulnerable when I slept
Yet you made sure I woke up to see another day
Yes
You made sure I breathe your air free of charge
Thank you
You made sure I could listen with both ears
and talk with one mouth
thank you
You made sure that I could eat at least a meal a day
And I could go to the toilet to defecate the useless
Thank you
Thank you Almighty God
To any that may read this piece and
I am not asking you to pass round to 7 people for you
To receive your miracle in 7 minutes
(apologies for any typo – posted unedited – my random thoughts)
Do come back for “On a Lighter mood” – A week so special – Part 5
During school hours one day, a teacher was teaching the students spellings. This conversation ensued between him and one of his students.
Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: Kwhish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?
Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell
plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na ‘DODO’,
if you fly the unlipe one na ‘SHIPS’
if you loast am, na ‘BORLI’
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
MR JOHN
JOHN bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone on his Phone Book & said,
‘My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610′
============ ========= ========= ======
JOHN : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
JOHN: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
JOHN: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
JOHN: Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.
=========== ========= ========= ========= ====
JOHN: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
JOHN: No, I’ll also stay with your sister.
============ ========= ========= ========= ==
JOHN comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying ‘Parking Fine’
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole ‘Thanks for compliment.’
============ ========= ========= ========= ======
How do you recognize JOHN in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher erases
the board.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
Once JOHN was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on the other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
JOHN in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says ‘Hello, how did you know I was here?’
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
JOHN: Why are all these people running?
Man – This is a race, the winner will get the cup
JOHN – If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Teacher: ‘I killed a person’ convert this sentence into future tense
JOHN: The future tense is ‘u will go to jail’
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
JOHN told his servant: ‘Go and water the plants!’
Servant: ‘It’s already raining.’
JOHN: ‘So what? Take an umbrella and gooooo!!!
============ ========= ========= ========= ==
JOHN: People consider me as a ‘GOD’
Wife: How do you know??
JOHN: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again…………………..
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
It’s called Mindset!!
As my friend was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. My friend saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” My friend was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further…. Why shouldn’t we try it again?
“YOUR ATTEMPT MAY FAIL, BUT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT.”
HAVE A FABULOUS WEEKEND
Bumight celebrates with JSD
Best Student Blogger 09
How do I describe Bumight a fellow blogger? I have never met her, well I have in a way, in cyberspace. I know that she is a medical student based in America. She started blogging since July 2007. She is Bumight the writer and the title of her blog site is “This is why I write” I find her very creative and if you check out her blog, you will know why I have specially invited her to celebrate this period that has now spilled on to the another week. What the heck! No one is complaining! She has also been voted as the best student blogger, 2009. So congratulations to Bumight on this NaijaBlogger Award. So without further ado, I introduce you to Bumight. Enjoy.
10:00AM – ONE NEW MESSAGE RECEIVED
I have been invited as a guest blogger on Jidesalu’s blog. caveat: my entry must be in latest today (i.e. same day as I received the email) way to go Jidesalu! Really, no pressure. (lol)
So I sit on my computer wondering what to type. Do I show off? Write some intellectual/thought provoking something (seeing as his blog is a “serious” kind of blog) or do I cheat? Send him something that I have written way in advance, and pass it off as something I just wrote, under the guise of “I perform better under pressure”?
Do I shamelessly plug my blog? Afterall, I must be doing something right to be invited to contribute to his diary.
Do I shamelessly kiss ass? Actually, that’s not one of my finer points, so I think I’ll pass on that one.
12:15AM -still wondering what to write
12:44PM – check JideSalu’s blog
dang! We’re supposed to be “giving a taste of our creativity” are u kidding me?! On the good side, I’m considered one of his “top cyber friends” J
2:05PM – I finally decide to contribute something I wrote from my own diary but never posted
Diary Entry 234: My Music- KSA
There are only few artistes whose music can be called timeless, and even fewer Nigerian artistes. King Sunny Ade is one of those few Nigerian artistes.
Blending African “juju music” with a hint of Western pop influence, his music is one which many generations can continue to enjoy.
There is hardly anybody who grew up in Nigeria (and can I say attended those birthday parties) who hasn’t moved to the beats of the juju maestro.
I remember with nolstalgic fondness, grooving to his music while hustling for 20 naira notes to be sprayed on me, and even though I had no idea what was being said, I still remember him being one of my favorites.
Now that I’m older (and can I say wiser?) I have a better and deeper understanding for his lyrics.
If you didn’t know, all those old time traditional singers were just as nasty as the current day ones singing about sex, hoes, and the like. KSA wasn’t left out. The beauty of it is that he did it with class. Classic lines like
“Ma f’owo kan b’eyen ijo ni o ba mi jo daddy!”
And the all time classic
“domurogo domurogo domurogo lo laye”…
“oni tibi de mi la lejo ki la o fi se yi si”
‘kii je ‘yan, kii je ‘resi af’omi ooto »
‘omi ladun omi sooro odu welu welu’
….
He pretty much talks about this babe that comes to visit him, she doesn’t eat pounded yam or rice, only “omi ooto”, which I later learnt (10 years after) means sperm,
He then goes on to describe it in equally ludicrous language.
You have to give it to him, he’s got tact. Even though he has his moments of weakness, light heartedness, sexual innuendos, for the most part, KSA’s lyrics are deep.
All this would have meant nothing if I failed to mention his genius at praising people. Personally of all the artistes (KSA, Shina Peters, Ebenezer Obey and the likes) that praise people on their albums, KSA is the best, hands down! He is just less corny, if at all. My favorites are the tracks he did on MKO Abiola and Erelu Abiola Dosunmu.
This is why I pray for long life for the Juju king because he definitely has to play on my wedding day!
So since JideSalu’s Diary is in celebration mode- and he isn’t telling us what we’re celebrating- I am sharing my KSA compilation (which I found IMEEM). Happy Whatever-it-is-that-we’re-celebrating!
PS: ok, I lied. I will shamelessly plug and kiss ass (talk about multi-tasking): what better time to declare my love for Oba. All female bloggers/readers back off!
————————————————————————————————————————
Another of my favourite bloggers, whom I have taken a cyber liking to is known by the name NaijaDude. NaijaDude is based in Canada and working his way through the bitterly cold weather. I honestly believe this guy is so full of talent and will go places if he believes more in himself. His blog site is titled Reflections of ME! Enigmatic SGL Nigerian Fella!
NaijaDude has kindly agreed to celebrate with JSD. I really appreciate you and God bless. Why not release the mouse, sit back and relax to enjoy the writings courtesy of NaijaDude. Enjoy all.
Why Not Take A Moment To Celebrate?
Even though “Onkle” is notorious for his more than a thousand words entry, I am just a guest blogger, so I wont make it too long…. and since we’re celebrating, the shorter the better.
Such an early morning it was. Bright and sunny and just lovely. I looked out through the window and all I could think of is how beautiful it was, the view that is! I looked further down on to the street and saw the usual morning crowd walking fast to get to wherever they are going, work I suppose. For a second I thought I should have been among them, hence I am late. I refuse to give in to that thought, it is a lovely day I should rejoice and be glad in it. I closed the shutter!….
When celebrating the beauty of life itself no reason needs to precede it, it can be random. Just look at the impact you’re making in people’s lives, likewise what they are doing in your life, bring out the smile and celebrate who you are. Which reminds me of the beginning of my relationship with “Onkle”. Yeah, “Onkle”was my agony uncle for a little bit, don’t ask me how I came about the name ”Onkle” or perhaps the spelling… he’d be in a better position to answer that!
It is just one of those blogs you randomly run into, I liked what I saw on the page and I bookmarked it. For a dreamer like me hoping to move back to Nigeria some day, I could use a blog as my window in Nigeria, give reviews of settling in; positive and negative, I was waiting on either. I was a silent follower for awhile until I left quite an explosive comment one day.
We exchanged emails and he gave me some advice, but he explicitly refused to be the agony “Onkle”. which I promised won’t happen … again… heck who knows how soon I’m gonna have another burst! But his words were so personable like he knew me before and I tell you I dont even know this man, being the cynic I am, I’d say his words were generic, it is what someone will tell anyone in the situation, but timing does matter. The timing was on point and he was concise and straight to the point. And he left it at “a word is enough for the wise”. And ol’boy did I grab it? I “grabbed it and owned it”
In my subsequent conversation with people. I use his words – word for word- and I always get replies that I always think I am not deem to take credit for … I give it to “Onkle”!!
I was brought up to just go along and celebrate with whoever is celebrating without question, as you will get to realize you were actually celebrating yourself on the long run. Since I got the email , I’ve had two reasons to celebrate, but for now it is not about me, it is about him and his ”celebration” and the “special week”.
At this juncture I’d say take a chill pill about life once in a while! Don’t be too uptight, smile and celebrate once in awhile. Heck, celebrate your existence, that’s worth something!
Thanks Onkle Jide for this opportunity.
Still to come this week is WIFEY…..not to be missed.
Protected: Wifey Is On Next ……..A Week So Special – Part 6
JSD: How has Nigeria been for you so far?
Wifey: Good I would say, although my kids surprisingly settled faster than I thought they would and better than me (even though they’ve never been till we came and I was born & bred in Nijar till 16yrs ago). Imagine that! That’s the amazing effect Nijar has on the children. All they can see is the fact that wow! They have a home, go to school, make new friends, see their cousins, can still watch the same programs they used to watch on TV in the UK, go to ‘Chicken republic’ etc, go to watch films, see grandmas, stroll to the beach, get you to promise they will go on holiday not even necessarily to the UK at summertime, realise that majority of the people around are black. As long as my children are happy and settled, I am a happy bonny. Now dissecting this question further, Nijar is HOME to me, so it’s like coming back home. PERIOD! Even when I was doing the ‘Andrew’ back then, I knew at the back of my mind that I’ll be back one day. That is exactly what keeps me going. You could say I’ve burnt all my bridges so I have to make it work – and for the family as well. Nijar is what you make it, your mindset has to be right to survive here or you’ll find yourself scuttling back to wherever you’ve been for so many years. There have been days when all I want to do is give up, but those feelings don’t last very long as the next minute you are rolling in laughter watching a hilarious scene unfold before your eyes. I do moan and complain about the LACK of basic amenities (good running water, Nepar as my daughter calls it, good roads – hence majority of road users drive a 4by4, basic incinerators, SCHOOLS – govt owned for ordinary children to attend) however, a good number of Nigerians are making a difference in their own little way. You could actually say that every other house is a ‘local govt’ as you will most likely have a borehole for water, generator for electricity, lesson teacher come about twice or 3 times a week, driver, me-guard, maid, cook, wash man, nanny, area security boys (omo onile), should I go on? Did you just say labour is cheap? Upon all this, Nijar is sweet! Depending on where you live (we live in Lagos), the cuisine is fabulous – be it local or indigenous and is it continental, Chinese, Thai, Indian, should I continue? There are loads of beaches (some can be very dirty and untidy but that’s if you go when it’s crowded) and some are pretty clean and glorious. The nightlife is always buzzing (I’ve been told – not that I haven’t been out for some events myself), and then you take the parties, be it 1st /10th/ 16th/21st/30th/40th/50th/60th/70th/80th/etc engagement/wedding/housewarming/car warming/ spa warming/ new business warming, what again? What don’t we ‘warm’ in Nijar. Any excuse for a party. I am not really a party girl; we however read (as there are loads of all these celebrity junk magazines) and hear about them all the time.
JSD: By the way, why did it take you 14 years to come back to live in Nigeria?
Wifey: You (referring to Jide) of course! (Laughs) Well, must confess that when I left, (though at the back of my mind I knew I will come back one day) aaaaaaaaaaaaall I wanted to do was just carve out a new life for myself abroad especially in America but it wasn’t to be as you came to sweep me off my feet to the UK then and pronto came our daughter, then Prof , then came Oba. As it were, I did not even visit until 2006 and it only took those 2weeks visit to ‘catch it’. Here we are now.
JSD: Whose idea was it to relocate?
Wifey: Yours (referring to Jide) of course! You have always wanted to come back as you made trips to Nijar yearly, looking for opportunities. Thank God you have your mentor FB as a friend who never really lost the sight about Nijar.
JSD: What were your initial fears about relocating?
Wifey: Our children! My God!! We’ve never brought them, how will they cope especially with the lack of those basic amenities. How wrong we were AS THEY ACTUALLY KEEP ME GOING!!! Then, there were the thoughts about ‘where do we start from?’ we haven’t built a house, not bought a car yet, there was the exorbitant school fees for private schools, how will I fit into the family network after been away for so long? Those were the questions I used to ask myself. You know what, though challenges come daily, they are attainable ones.
JSD: If you had an opportunity to do it again, I mean start the process of relocating, what would it be you do differently?
Wifey: There is not a lot I would change as I believe we were working in line with God’s plan for us. However, there are about two things I would have done differently. I should have taken more trips to Nijar to put things in place which would have facilitated our relocation. I should have insisted we brought all our possessions as this would have gone a long way in lessening expenses for comfortable living in Nijar.
JSD: How do you think the children have taken to living in Nigeria?
Wifey: Like fish in water. They have so adjusted to life in Nijar despite never been here before. I tell you, they keep me going. My daughter gave us so many hassles before we came that sometimes I doubted our decision to relocate. Now, she so much wants to finish secondary school in Nijar before going back to the UK for further studies. They have all made new friends, and though life at school in Nijar is tough as they find out daily (it does not cease to amaze daughter how teachers relate to students in such an autocratic manner and even sometimes teacher – head teacher) she still enjoys school. Daughter’s only ‘agro’ really is with ‘Nepar’. She is first to start asking for the generator to be on all hours of the day, whenever she’s at home. Prof and Gov (Oba) don’t really give a toss about ‘Nepa’ as long as there is food and snacks around. Bottom line is they are home! Wherever Mum and Dad are, they are fine to be there as well.
JSD: Is there anything you miss dearly about the UK?
Wifey: U won’t believe this but I miss the cold. I was always looked upon as being weird even by Britons during the summer time and I use to yearn for the cold weather to be back. I miss the clean streets, good roads, 0% beeping, quiet nights (no generator sounds), and general politeness from people.
JSD: I know the heat has been something else for you, how are you coping?
Wifey: hah! The heat!! It has actually become almost unbearable lately however, we are coping okay. I have a chest freezer sorely for storing ice cold water in 5litre jerry cans. Gov (Oba) is normally the first to ask for drinking Garri and ice cold water as soon as they come back from school and all of us join in – very refreshing. We have 4 different prickly heat powder at home which has become a morning and night beauty (or survival) routine for all of us. That will make a fascinating family portrait don’t you think? There are fans in every room as well as air conditioning units in some rooms. The car’s a/c always has to be functioning at all times. Ladies, forget moisturising your face except you are have extremely dry skin or else you’ll be sweating buckets even before you leave the sanctuary of the room where you applied your make-up. I always have a handkerchief in my bag. In fact, the kids have to have a handkerchief pinned to their school shirt (primary school) as part of the school uniform. We all drink a lot more water as well.
JSD: …and on the issues of Moisturiser, Mosquitoes, Heat rash and Tablets….any tips on how to handle?
Wifey: You will have to buy my book to find out. (laughs) Get sunscreen instead of moisturiser. Get a lot of anti-mosquitoe sprays and lotion as you will definitely need this before the mosquitoes get used to you or the other way round. Don’t worry; they will get tired of biting you after some time and move on. There are loads of heat rash powder and soap in the shops in Nijar so just get them here when you arrive. Make sure (especially the kids) take their jabs as this helps to at least stall Malaria till you are more settled. There are pretty good and authentic Pharmacy and Chemist in Nijar so you don’t have to fill a whole suitcase with medication from abroad however come with enough that you are used to especially for the children to last you for some time. You will be surprised how useful ‘wipes’ are when you get to Nijar.
JSD: In one word, how would you describe Nigerians?
Wifey: Resourceful
JSD: In one word, how would you describe Nigeria?
Wifey: This has to be a sentence; Land of milk and honey.
JSD: What is it you miss the most about UK?
Wifey: Supermarkets Supermarkets Supermarkets!!!
JSD: If there was one tip you would give a mother or a wifey considering relocating, what would that tip be?
Wifey: Do your homework efficiently about Nijar and visit before you relocate.
JSD: And finally what essentials would you advise a mother to come with whilst relocating?
Wifey: Haven’t I touched on this already. That’s why you all need to go buy my book when it comes out. Where do I start? You must come with all your belongings; it goes a long way to settle everyone. The kid’s toys (DS, PSP, bicycles, etc) are a must. Antiseptic creams for when mosquitoes bite you to rub on the spot as this stops itching. You do not need all those jackets, cardigan, turtle necks etc except you are coming to work in a corporate environment where you live in a/c 24/7. Make sure you have a lot of cotton, vests, t-shirts, shorts, ¾ length trousers, undies, beddings, and lots of cotton boxers for everyone.
JSD: Its being an absolute pleasure having you express your views direct to readers on JSD, and wifey, is there any other thing you will like to add?
Wifey: oh come on, is this not enough? I will just like to add that if I had JSD available to me before relocating, it would have made things a lot easy for me. Jide you add the rest of the plugging, I am tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiireddddddddddddddddddddd.
Well that is wifey for you! What do you think? I thought she was fab, if I must say so. Thank you darling!!!
……by text
Wifey: got home 2 find out Ibrahim killed a black cobra in our BQ this morning. Saw it, its massive. X
Jide: I NEED TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT PLEASE. MAKE SURE IT IS NOT ROASTED. X
…which I did guys. All shall be revealed tomorrow.
On A Lighter Note – Volume 8
….on a lighter note, when I got the breaking news text message from wifey, my immediate thought was “Thank GOD” nobody was hurt. I tell you, this could have been fatal!
Where on earth would I start to hunt for a snake venom? What type of snake is it really? I really do not want to believe it’s a cobra! I just don’t know why, but I will still investigate.
The lady in the BQ who had this slender escape felt something creeping round her leg (I can see you move your leg, just now) and she just brushed it aside like it were a mosquito.
And lo and behold, the mosquito – like Will Smith in ‘Men in Black’ film – turned into a big, long, black cobra- like snake.
Ok, a snake is a snake. Cobra or no cobra (have you seen it?) It is big.
The Snake
On a lighter note, the snake also had the audacity to eat the poor girl’s rice and ‘indomie’ noodles! Can you imagine this?
This is only means that the snake must have kept the ‘God blessed’ girl company for quite a while!
As for me, I always look at life from a different angle.
Things do not just happen. Of course, because I am a believer, I did not for one minute start to scream “Why me?”
Why not me? Why must it be somebody else?
Have you ever thought that; “the greater the burden, the richer the potential outcome”? Think about it!
It happened for a reason. It must have, and I am satisfied with my inner thoughts as to why I think this had to happen, after all, permission was taken from Dad…in Heaven! Oh yes.
So guys, I was in the middle of my celebration and I shall continue to, because you do not have to have reasons to celebrate life…now wait a minute, I did not mean for you to go out to borrow money to organise a big party!
Just find time to appreciate that man up there. He is really working hard you know? Taking care of Afrobabe alone is a day’s work! lolll…just kidding…you know, Afrobabe how I appreciate you.
Guys, have a laugh on me with the rib crackers below.
Sesan, oh, Bayo…see you on Sunday okay.
To both my mothers, both wifey’s mum and my mum, I say happy birthday in advance mums. God bless you both.
God bless you all for taking time to click throught.
Now have a laugh…………….
NIGERIAN ASSERTIVE WOMAN!
At the 2007 World Women’s Conference the first speaker, from England, stood up: ‘At last year’s conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.’ The crowd cheered.
The second speaker, from America , stood up: ‘After last year’s conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well.’ The crowd cheered.
The third speaker, from Nigeria , stood up:After last year conference I go house and tell my husband say I no go cook again, do cleaning or go market for am again, and dat he go dey do am by himself. After the first day I no see anytin. The second day sef, I see notin. But after the third day, as the swelling begin go down, I start to see small small from my left eye.
OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…
Only In America
Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ….do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ….do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America …..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ….do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDERED…
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)….
OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk..
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU’RE LAUGHING BECAUSE I GOT YOUuuuuuuuuu!!!!!
OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…OnALighterNote…
Rat Trap!
History mystery
Have a history teacher explain this—– if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln ’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘Lincoln’ made by ‘Ford.’
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker…
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, cause: Hey, this is one history lesson people don’t mind reading.
Thoughtful…..heh
Have a great weekend y’all..
Coming up soon: a lot to catch up with including a privilege dinnerr with the Secretary to the Lagos State Government and what I think may be one of Governor Fashola’s secrets to his success.
Remember, ”In order to own a gift, you have to receive it!
publicity by http://www.alphainventions .com
Crying for a living…..
It has really been quite a while. I had missed writing directly, oh yes, the blog was on, courtesy of guests bloggers and cyber friends and interviews. I must say it had been a lovely two weeks almost rudely interrupted by the Black Cobra BQ intrusion incident.
By the way, just to put it on records, the snake was for real. No lifting of photograph from Google images, no computer ‘play around’ what so ever.
It was Bola Olomodosi, who was at my house yesterday, upon seeing the photograph, expressed alarm, for she thought, what she had seen on the blog was my ingenious way of conveying the message. No it was not Bola, the snake on the blog was found, caught, spoken to, and before killed.
Yes, it was spoken to by my meguard – Ibrahim. I asked him how he was able to kill such a big and dangerous snake?….no, before I asked him that, I wanted to know from him if the snake was at all dangerous? In his sheepish and laid back demeanour, with a permanent plasticine smile pasted on his face came the response, “exactly, e dangerous well well”.
You see, when I interviewed Ibrahim to replace Isa, I thought he had a mellow personality that would complement the homosapiens in the compound, especially having two of my boys around. Oba, would fly on anyone’s back, he does not give a ‘hood’. All he wants to have is fun. The same goes for ‘Prof’. So Ibrahim suited the role.
“Exactly….”
Then when he punctuated his sentence with exactly, I immediately warmed up to him, believing that I now have a professor of a meguard amongst my staff, unlike my new driver Clement, who is working very hard to destroy my spoken English, because of my endeavour to break in pieces my English grammar.
Back to Ibrahim, I have since found out that, it must have taken him a few months to have memorised the word “exactly” as I can now confirm to you that, there has not been any addition to his vocabulary ever since.
So, “exactly, e dangerous well well”, Ibrahim calmly told me. Not fully satisfied, I probed further, “but how were you able to kill such a big and dangerous snake, were you not afraid?”
The reply that came forth stunned me, “me, i no fear. D snake fear me, becos i talk to am”.
“You talked to am”, I stuttered?
“oh yes” (his smile still switched on with his head shaking from east to west). “i talk to am, them know me”.
I left it at that. It collaborated with what Mayowa, our accountant told me his mum confirmed to him when he shared the snake incident with her. Mayowa said his Mum was of the opinion that the meguard must have surly spoken to the snake to have had it killed. It would not have been possible otherwise as they are fatally dangerous.
“Thank God”
All I can say is thank God, and thanks to all those who got back to me via messages and emails asking after our health. Talking about that, don’t blame me, my DNA requires me to always think things much deeper in order to unearth some wisdom.
I did send the photograph of the snake to almost all those on my contact list and guess what, I only received a handful of replies. It really made me wonder.
I got a call from Dr Tola Sobande, from America, to wish me well, an email from Turkey from Pastor Manny Onifade (my dear and much respected brother figure) and unbehalf of his darling wife, my dear sis Funmi. Kayode Shobo, sent me an email, my usual encouragers Bayo Olomodosi, Bobby Kushanu (Setting), Eyisegun Emmanuel, Doja, Toyin Onabowu, Kate Osibona (KTtttttttt), Olu Alake (Snatch). And from those who have slowly become cyber friends Afrobabe, LG, Gerard, Naijadude, Jaycee, Funms- the rebirth, Bumight, Fantasy queen, Avartsy, Blogoratti, Buttercup, Word merchant, Sting, SSD, Just DB and a host of others. Thank you all for your concern. Much appreciated.
Now what is my point?
This is it!
You do not wait until someone is in hospital or until someone has died to express love or that you care. In this world we are in, the internet has made it damn easy to communicate, just an acknowledgement would have sufficed. Now I am beginning to wonder to the heck? That long database I have. What is it useful for exactly? To send jokes back and forth to each other? Or to send those “if you read this, you will be blessed in 7 minutes after sending to 7 people”
What is the point? Just wondering aloud! If the list is, my list, your list is waiting for a funeral in order to express heartfelt emotions, then it is a waste really.
Wifey also says, I am an idealist, I guess I am. Am I alone in this?
Mummy is 75 today
You know, in line with my excess contact list, wifey’s mum, my mum as well, is 75 years old today. What a landmark. You see, sometimes, we just do not appreciate what we have until we lose it. I am so blessed to celebrate this birthday with mum. She has 7 children of which wifey is number one and 12 grandchildren with three on the way. Happy birthday Mum. I promise to provide you with a bigger shout at your 80th.
Does anyone remember Abraham? Abraham was 75 years of age without any child. His wife Sarai was barren. Still, God made promises to Abram;
1 God told Abram: “Leave your country, your family, and your father’s home for a land that I will show you.
2-3 I’ll make you a great nation
and bless you.
I’ll make you famous;
you’ll be a blessing.
I’ll bless those who bless you;
those who curse you I’ll curse.
All the families of the Earth
will be blessed through you.”
I am sharing this word with you as it came to me this morning.
“You need to leave your comfort zone
Where greatness is awaiting you.
Where, fame is awaiting you if heed is taken
Where financial reward is awaiting you
Where you will have an impact on others
And many will blessed through you”
We did not have to wait for Mum’s death to celebrate her. There is always a factory of excuses with lack of money, distance, etc on display to buy. But we still gathered yesterday, Sunday, to celebrate a wonderful woman. A woman who never frets in the midst of turmoil. A woman of wisdom, of courage and of perseverance.
I am glad that she is alive to see all her children (minus Gboye, who was unable to make it) at a sitting and with all her noisy grand children ‘flying’ all over the place. This is what Nigeria is all about. We could not make it to her 70th, but we could to her 75th! This is what Nigeria is all about. Family!
Family!
This was the sort of family Abram and Sarai imagine they would have, but at 75 years old, with Sarai still barren?
However, it is not the time to give up.
“A gift is not own until you accept it”. You have a hidden gift/talent within you, go now and owe it.
From tomorrow, I will resume with what has been happening in my life. I promise you a lot has happened in two weeks. Okay, let me leave you with just this one;
The crying boy!
You see, I can’t remember if I ever told you of a boy of about 15 years of age standing by the road side many months ago crying. I was in the car in the usual Lekki traffic jam when I saw this boy weeping profusely. I was caught between two minds. “Should I, or should I not?” Whilst undergoing the negotiation, before I realised it, the car had moved on and all I was left with were memories of the crying boy etched in my mind, for ever, so I thought.
A couple of weeks after been subjected to the crying boy ‘horror show’, I was out with Victor Ogbolu – one of my Oil Baron friends, a young inspiring man, who is doing well for himself – to Ikeja Sheraton for a meeting when I spotted the same young boy on the road side crying buckets load of tears.
“Can you just imagine the show? What on earth is going on here?” I told Victor the story and he just laughed and told me “welcome to Lagos”. I left it at that. That was almost two months ago.
This Friday past, back on the Lekki/Epe axis, I spotted this same boy, this time, sitting down, with tears flooding down his cheeks. I could imagine dark clouds and storms forming a ‘hallow’ round his head.
“Damn it”, as I told Ola, our Corporate Affairs staff, who was giving me a lift home, “this guy is doing this thing for a living!”
“How on earth can one be crying for a living?”
This is Lagos, where there is no such thing as impossible!
I will see you all tomorrow.
God bless you all.
Photograph of the day – “toasting” (an unusual romance between a dog and a horse)
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Dollar gets the blame…..
“Happy Easter in advance”
The festive weather never gets out of season, no pun, in Nigeria. No sooner have you concluded the Christmas celebrations, another occasion will beckon, and Nigerians love it. Anything that will make them jolly and assist in living up to the reputation as one of the happiest places to live on earth.
However, that does not give anyone the right to squeeze in a “Good morning sir and happy Easter in advance sir”!
How on earth did he expect me to respond to that? Oh yes Gerard, every month, I am subjected to the Happy-new-month greeting followed by the customary “Happy Sunday”! Now who says Nigeria is not the undisputed happiest country in the world?
Blame the Dollar and not the Naira…..
Nigerian Naira
Amidst all the happiness, the market women cannot be excluded from this psyche. However, they have taken it to another level.
Wifey was at the market a few weeks ago, and as usual you haggle. It is at your peril if you expect to see price tags on display. Before you visit a market in Nigeria, you have to make several preparations I guess. As subtle and invisible as they may be, they have to be made. One of such vital measures that needs to be taken is mental.
The spiritual aspect would have long been put in place, praying to meet favour with the chicken seller to pack the right quantity of chicken wings and co. You pray not to count 4 pair of legs, 2 chicken heads and various what looked foreign chicken parts in the park. What do you do at such instance? After you must have spent the best part of a.m talking, haggling and spitting through to buy whatever needs to be bought.
The fun bit is that, as part of your preparation, if you are not yet a graduate haggler, then it is a must you take along one or a professional one. Oh yes, I can consider my mum as a professional haggler.
She can combat any meat seller in the world to bring his price down to unimaginable level. For instance, if a meat seller puts a price tag of sayyyyyyyyyy, N500, my mum would bring it down to N50. That is where the battle will commence.
Wifey, who is still preparing for her final ‘haggling advance degree’ at the University market of Arin in Lagos found to her total shock that all the market women were blaming the increase in prices of stable food such as rice and beans including other items on the dollar currency!
What has the dollar got to do with an increase in a bag of rice? Not that they know the current exchange rate! All they know is that there is dollar scarcity and as such, it must spill over to the market. This is Nigeria, where there is no such word as surprise and impossible.
Daughter overwhelmed…..
Viral infection
Daughter had to undergo a trying period these past couple of weeks. It has not been easy on her, but yet again, she proved to us that she is beginning to acquire the mental toughness that is desperately required to survive the modern times.
At school, she had her examinations, on top of numerous project work she had to conclude and submit. Remember, it was also the week, she filled out my Q &A for the JSD celebration. I am so proud to say that she went through all that in spite of the nasty, very nasty bout of viral infection that arrested her whole body.
Viral Infection….
It all started with what appeared like a ring worm, fair enough, daughter pointed it out to me, but with most things daughter, she can sometimes be a drama queen, so I ignored her protestation.
To my utter shock, without any notice, it only took a few days before chicken pox-like –spots invaded every part of her body. And to compound matters, they were itchy.
Wifey was besides herself, of course as the man in the house, I could not start rolling on the floor and blaming Nepa and bad water. Medication was sought; the type of infection was not detected immediately.
‘Egbogi-Oloti’ herbal treats…
Eventually after a visit to the clinic, it was diagnosed as a viral infection. She was prescribed some tablets which she promptly started on. On top of that, daughter’s gran ma did her own diagnosis and immediately mixed her herbal medical treat which is tagged ‘egbogi-oloti’. It is made of leaves with doses of gin.
Well, if she swears by it and it brought back memories for wifey as a very effective herbal medication, who am I to doubt? Daughter believed the hype and the results are there for all to see. Daughter has begun o shed her skin and soon the block spots would disappear. I did tell her though that those spots only came visiting and they would soon return home never to return again. Well done daughter for persevering through the pain and mental state of preparing for exams. It couldn’t have been easy.
English Clemency….
I have not really told you much about my new driver Clement, this guy either has no clue with how to look after a vehicle or he is no longer interested in his already threatened job. I will not waste time writing about him today except to say that he barely hears or understands correct English unless it is broken into pieces.
At first, I was the one that was changing. Slowly I was moving across to his side of the fence, but then I realised that if care is not taken, my spoken English will be ruined. So I have pleaded for English clemency. My pidgin English was no school, and I was making it worse with my incredible attempt to get through to Clement. I have decided no more attempt at murdering my English words. The slangs and the pidgin English were beginning to take its toll on me…..
….Talking Slangs
Still on slangs, once you begin to utter slangs such as “no wahala”, then you know you have fully integrated into Nigeria. By the way “no wahala” means no problem.
There are many others that I have come across upon my travails in communicating in Nigeria. Take for instance the following;
-
“No shaking” (No problem)
-
“Gongo Aso” (Something will happen)
-
“Skele girls” (pepper less, ajebutter – new comer)
-
“Wa gba” (you will see)
-
“Jam body” ( hustling, runnings)
-
“Nothing dey happen” (Nothing is happening)
-
“Perf” (Perfume)
-
“Can you imagineeeeeee”
-
“Omo to shon” ( beautiful girl)
-
“Omo to dun” ( beautiful girl)
-
“God dey” ( There is God)
-
“All is well”
-
“Omo Nase” or “Omo ode” ( Dunce)
-
“Ganje” ( Fake)
-
“Chairman” ( The boss)
-
“I am coming” ( in fact you are going away)
I have found out I needed to either upgrade my vocabulary to enable me successfully communicate on the street or to just nod at every nuance of word that is been exchanged.
So “I am coming”.
Photograph of the day: http://www.jidesaluimages.com ( “What happened next?”)
publicity by http://alphainventions.com
April fool, in Nigeria? No way!!!
For April fool from the outside, it appears farfetched, but in Nigeria everyday may seem like 1st of April. I can tell you, no one would fall for any prank because they might probably have experienced it. Nigeria is a country so rich in everything, and this includes mismanagement, incompetent politicians, bright technocrats, fierce thunder storms, talented musicians, incredibly beautiful women, affectionate personalities, mad female drivers, talented hawkers, ingenious corrupt government officials, should I continue, and then maids with names such as “Stupid”, “Scary” and “Forgetful” disguised as “Grace”, “Joy” and “Mercy”.
This is my country Nigeria, a nation where the world’s ‘ethic conversion scale’ ala – London’s Greenwich Meridian line, New York’s statue of Liberty and Egypt’s famous Pyramid – is permanently stationed.
KURA FALLS. Plateau State. Nigeria. Courtesy 234Next.com
Plausible Plausible…
Every plausible thing becomes implausible before it is then re-converted to the ‘plausible’ weight before it is deemed plausible – I hope I haven’t lost you, I hope you are getting my drift.
Over here economic principles are converted to suit the peculiar Nigerian terrain. Honestly I am in a nation too small for Sociologists, Philosophers, Anthropologists, Mathematicians and even fortune tellers to study this not so heavenly specimen in the shape of Nigeria.
Correct me I at all I may be wrong, but I honestly believe that, just at the last second, God Almighty had a change of heart in making Nigeria a Planet, rather than a mere nation. Our uniqueness in everything is legendary. God must really have changed his mind from separately us from the rest of planet earth, and he definitely must have his reasons. God never makes a mistake.
So as you can see, I am no longer bewildered at the thought that the world observes us Nigerians as abnormal, as a nation, we might be to mere homosapiens from mother earth, but I can take consolation that we are indeed very normal, that is, to beings from Planet Nigeria. By the way, this is no April fool.
Thunder Storms
Wow, it was deafening. The lightening was incredible. The noise was akin to being on the war front. Birds without visa must have cursed their luck. As much as I love the rain and all the drama that accompanies it, I was one scared bunny early this morning. Now this is Lagos, Nigeria for you where ordinary things never just occur ordinary. We are so blessed in this nation.
Sweet Ants!
I was telling daughter and wifey that I could never recollect whilst in England a situation when sugar left unclean in the kitchen is swamped by an army of ants. Never did I observe that film. Not once. However, over here in Nigeria, if one is not careful, the ants are waiting in the wings to push you aside for whatever remnants that might be left.
The same with animals, here in Nigeria. Where on earth have you seen a snake take delight in feasting on noodles and Rice?
Lazy Dog!
There is also a dog in my neighbourhood. It never ceases to amaze be how incredibly lazy this dog is. God has a way of setting nature. Would you have believed if I told you that this dog had taken after the personality of its lazy owner?
Honestly, jokes aside! The owner is an older man whose job is to look after an uncompleted house. So all he does is to take shelter in the house, wake up, eat, roam around, chat with fellow meguards (security staff or gate keepers) sleep, wake up, look for something to eat, sleep…..forget it…that is all the man does. No wonder the dog has never barked and is not scared of oncoming vehicles.
American Celebrities as Nigerians
I was having a chat with Ada, a friend of Ola sometime ago, and I suddenly thought if American celebrities were to trace their heritage to Nigeria, it would be interesting to figure which part of the country they would come from.
For those not familiar with the geography of Nigeria, we are a Federal nation that operates the Presidential system of government, similar to that which operates in the United States of America.
Nigeria
While America has 51 states, Nigeria has 36 states plus Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory. It is multi ethnic with the three influential groups as Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba. They claim the population is about 160 million, multiply that by 10…so it feels sometimes. Seriously, the population is over 160 million making Nigeria the most populated Black nation on earth.
So there is justification if I suggest the American singer NEYO could be Igbo, forget LIL WAYNE, he is just a ghetto boy, a talented one though and would pass for any area boy (name for ghetto) in any part of the country. We all know AKON is from the African country Senegal and he is proud to flaunt it. Good boy!
How about 50 CENTS, where would he have come from, Ekiti state? I dunno! My man SNOOP DOGGY DOGG, he is definitely a Delta boy, I think. KANYE WEST, the smooth rapper, where else could he be from apart from expensive Abuja.
CHRIS BROWNE would pass for a Fulani, from the northern part of the country, R KELLY, could pass for a Lagos boy, USHER could be from Abeokuta, in Ogun state and JayZ is definitely Igbo, such a shrewd business man and he looks it as well.
Now BEYOUCE, take a guess? She would have to belong to Nigeria, if not, it could civil unrest.
The Fl—er
Back to Nigeria where the impossible seems normal to the ordinary viewer, wifey made a phone call to a friend of her on Saturday morning only to be told that she was on her way to the Police station.
“What is happening?” was all I heard her ask her friend at the other end, before I was subjected to wifey’s familiar haaaa, haaaaa, haaaaa and it went on and on for what appeared to be an eternity.
She stared into space, with her Nokia mobile phone squashed to her ears. She grunted, she hollered some times before she grimaced.
By now, I was most curious human being on earth. I switched my mind off the conversation, more off the torture awaiting wifey’s narration.
“What was all that about”, I asked?
“You would not believe it” came the reply!
“I would believe anything you tell me at this point in time”, my mind wondered in silence.
“What?” I almost screamed for her to relieve me of this anxious wait!
“Phillipa saw a ‘flasher’ in her neighbour’s house.
“A what?” I replied in annoyance!
Apparently, it was not the first time this insane man had exposed all to be seen by both mother and the children. They passed it on as an excuse a case of a momentarily breakdown in common sense. However, it became a frequent occurrence, hence the report to the police.
I do not know how it was resolved, but I felt like matching over there to flash something much more sinister. What the heck!
I have been told that you must get acquainted with your mad side (which we all have) in order to survive in Nigeria, but then a case of over familiarity with this side could equate to madness itself. What do you think?
See you all tomorrow by God’s grace.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
A Governor’s secret…..
A couple of weeks ago, I was in the company of the secretary of state to Lagos State, the number 3 most powerful leader in Nigeria’s commercial capital, Princess Adenrele Adeniran Ogunsanya, a youthful looking lady whose personality shines like the effective Governor of the state Babatunde Raji Fashola.
Amongst other eminent officials (sorry, I am not dropping names, but hey, if I were, so what?) I am only trying to make a point here. Princess Adenrele gave us a snippet of the how the government of Lagos state operates. By the way, let me point out that if these secrets were a risk to the security to the state, you can be rest assured that you will not read about them here in JSD.
Anyway, she was telling us that the Governor encourages his commissioners to be vigilantes. He expectsthem to engage in a lot of phone calls informing colleagues of bottle necks in the area. For instance, if there were to be an oil spillage or heavy traffic, it would not be uncommon for phone calls to make the rounds before the appropriate department is consulted to resolve the issue. And I must say that it is working.
On environmental day for instance, oh sorry, for those unaware of this day, it is a day – the last Saturday of the month- set aside to for all Lagosians to clean the neighbourhood. It an offense for motorists to be seen driving between the hours of 7am and 10am.
So on this day, it is not uncommon to see the Governor meet very early in the morning with his commissioners before each of them are despatched to their constituency.
I am going to this length to highlight the fact that there can be good governance in Nigeria when the fight priorities are taken care of. The likes of Princess Adenrele and Governor Fashola are shining examples. So it’s not such a secret after all. Lagos is just fortunate to have a leader who is willingly to serve. Period
History as Nigeria records first all-female crew flight
Bloody meat…..
Still on the subject of serving….Mercy, our amiable, sometimes, over familiar house help was eager to help out wifey in the kitchen, this Friday past. Wifey had been to the market to buy some meat and chicken. She had quite a lot to boil before nightfall.
Wifey took a break and left Mercy up to doing the washing and salting and to commence the boiling. Almost 30 minutes after her short break, wifey descended the stairs en-route the kitchen to finish up. And what a shock, the kitchen was as neat as she had never experienced in Mercy’s reign so far. “What happened”, she asked? Well, she need not look further, Mercy had done all the necessary including tidying up. I tell you, wifey was immensely impressed. “You see”! I seem to have told her, “she can do it”, I added.
Wifey agreed. But, hey wait a minute! “Why is the pot of boiling meat so red in colour? “wifey turned to Mercy for an answer. Wifey who is almost a perfectionist in the kitchen, always on the lookout for any foreign intrusion was aghast at the thought of the meat not been not cleaned at all. “It must be blood, she murmured.” Mercy looked on, looking confused or caught red handed, I could not tell as I was now more concerned with the state of the meat. “e be like say na d thing wey i put inside the pot”. “What thing?” queried wifey. Mercy was now pointing at the seasoning jar. How could it be the tyme and ‘what have you’ that drastically powerfully reacted to give it a blood-like colour, I wondered.
Wifey could not take it anymore, without any thought, gave the shout to Mercy to get the pot off the cooker to pour out the diluted blood that had boiled the meat to an extent. By now, wifey was mad. “Why do these people act this way?” was all she could say.
The meat was then thoroughly cleaned up, seasoned, boiled and fried. Wifey told me that later at night, she told Mercy that she was aware that the meat was not cleaned and that all she wanted was the truth.
Trust wifey, she got it.
Mr and Mrs (courtesy of Vanguard Nigeria)
No fear…
I always wondered when I listen into my boys’ conversation with their home teacher how times have changed. When I was growing up, it was almost impossible to reply the teacher. In fact, you dare not. It was at your peril. However in these “PSP and Ninendo” days, my boys have no fear. They feel no fear and fear no fear. Not that they are at all rude, it is just the sheer Obama audacity that I so much admire in them that always take me back to my youth.
Or could it be the result of their UK background where, it was politically correct to talk back at your teacher whilst you look them straight in the eye! I really do not know.
The good news is that, the home tutor, a fairly elderly Ghanaian seem to be coping and is tough when he needs to. The boys – ‘Prof ‘and ‘Governor’ seem to enjoy every minute of it.
Sorry, the posting came in rather late today and in a hurry as well so apologies for any typo in advance….
Enjoy the rest of the day and God bless.
Tomorrow, I will tell you all about an ‘English speaking’ man brought traffic to a standstill.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Hello, every one, it’s that time of the week when everyone is winding down and getting ready to ‘chill’ one way or the other. We commemorate the week winding down with a special titled “On a Lighter note”. The whole point is to laugh and get you in the weekend mood.
Dr. Alh. Eng. Title Craze…Havard
Kola Munis, Medical Doctor, if I may add. In Nigeria, we are so title conscious, I tell you, it is ridiculous. Can you imagine a town planner with the initials TP before his name to indicate that he is a qualified town planner. I wonder how Ibrahim my meguard (gatekeeper), Clement, my driver and Mercy our house maid would love to be addressed. Any guesses?
‘G.K’ Ibrahim, ‘James Bond’ Clement and ‘H.M’ Mercy. How about that? G.K will indicate Gate Keeper, James Bond, we all know that and H.M will be House Maid. As for Clement, my driver, that crazy guy, who is fast becoming a ‘maverick dunce’ just has no clue, so it appears.
Wifey had a delegate report that Clement is known in town as James Bond because of his crazy antics with my poor car. Can you just imagine that? JAMES BOND? This guy who appears so unkempt needs this job as a matter of fact. He would be lost without it. I just do not want to imagine how he had survived this long without it, but then we are in Lagos, Nigeria where survival is the name of the game and there is no race on mother earth that can out skill on this front. It is just incredible.
I booked a meeting with him, just for him to realise this fundamental error in joking with his job, and told him the rumour milling down. People actually stay clear as soon as they spot the headlights of my car, no wonder…..I now see…..do you know that at weekends, I had actually noticed the unusual politeness from pedestrians and motorists alike. This explains it. They actually thought it was ‘James Bond’ behind the wheels! Silly bagger!!
I told Clement of the seriousness of the matter informing him that the next time any one comes to report him to me, all I needed to hear is ‘James…’ as I would not hang around for the ‘Bond’. He would be dismissed immediately. He got my drift. I hope so.
Anyway, Dr Munis is a close friend of mine who is so talented that it must have been difficult for him to have decided on his academic discipline in secondary school – would it be ‘Acts’ or ’science’? Whenever we chat on the phone, it is always ideas galore. I always love to read his views on life. His style of writing is also a good taste to my reading ‘buds’.
He posted on FaceBook, what he had titled ‘Completely Random & Insignificant Little Things I Just’ (Part 1) and I thought he was on form. See what you make of my hype…..
Completely Random & Insignificant Little Things I Just HATE (1)
(And in no particular order)
Don’t ask me why I’m writing this. I’m bored and a little frustrated today. Wharreva, don’t take it personally. It was probably inspired by watching the awesome ‘Don’t Jealous Me’ guy onYouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORrrNOYS65I
He’s my Young Nigerian Hero 2009. The guy is too psychedelic mehn. (When did u hear that Nigerian word last, if ever?)
Shett!
1. Knockers-At-The-Toilet-Door
Why do people keep knocking on a locked toilet door? You are inside doing your business and haven’t quite finished. Its not as if you’ve been there for like two hours. Why are they even knocking on the door? The ‘Red light’ on the outside, or the ‘Engaged’ sign obviously indicate the loo is in use. So what exactly do they want? An announcement? Formal identification? ‘Oh, its me o! I dey sh!t o!’. I mean. Come on!
Me, I refuse to utter a word. So as they knock di door, me too I knock di door back. It usually works. Though there have been the occasional oddballs that return my knock and stand there, outside the door, waiting. Can you imagine? Orisirishi…
2. Armpits Sweaters
I think it was the ‘Sure’ anti-perspirant ads that finally got the world to realise how much we hated underarm sweat stains. A few years ago, Julia Roberts tried to make the axilla kind of cool with that infamous picture of her waving to her fans, tufts of black, wind-blown hair sprouting from her armpits. Yuk.
But even she had no sweat stains. Its something about the sight of the stain that conjures up the smell of the stain. Unfortunately, armpit sweat seems to have a corrosive effect on clothing, so – this could be my imagination here – the fabric of the sweat-soaked cloth always seems to be bleached and worn…and dirty.
I always used to wonder why someone had never thought of inventing some kind of stick-on armpit ’sanitary’ pad, that could be worn under shirts and most long-sleeved tops. Of course that wouldn’t solve the problem of the short-sleeved T-shirt and vest wearers in the summer – just when the pad would be most needed. At least most of our women are quite good at keeping this ..this … abasha under control. But the men? I don’t know how you girls tolerate it. I’ve seen guys with droplets of sweat trapped in their underarm shrubs. Guys too should learn to shave properly, use anti-perspirant and use a deodorant.
Otherwise, it just doesn’t wort it.
3. Teeth Suckers
That’s my dad…the world’s number one culprit! (My dad doesn’t do FB, so he won’t hear this, don’t worry). When guys have just finished a sumptuous meal, okay, a little silent belching here and there is allowed. Maybe even a quiet, thoughtfully-timed fart is acceptable.
But that dizgorzzting sucking sound? I’m sure there must be some Nigerian kids locked up for life, guilty of having committed parenticide in an impulsive act of induced insanity.
Or maybe more specifically, patricide … as men seem to be far more guilty of this crime against humanity.
4. ‘My Language’ Over-doers and Under-users
Over-Doers: People who speak their language openly in a gathering with people who do not understand.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m very proud of my language and enjoy listening to others revelling in the beauty of theirs. But I just think it downright rude when people are in a group with others who do not share the same language, yet insist on yakking away in their Yoruba or Igbo or Efik or whatever with absolutely no regard for the fact that we all share a common lingo which alienates no-one at that particular time. Even if Queen Elizabeth’s English is not your thing, my friend, there’s pidgin for God’s sake.
I guess there are possibly those that are a little apprehensive about speaking grammatically incorrect pidgin – yes, you can ’shoot’ in pidgin too – but that’ll be quite sad, and says a lot about the standard of our education. After all, they taught all of us pidgin in secondary school.
So Kini Big Deal?
Under-Users: Those that think not being able to speak their own language – Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo, Edo, Efik, or any of the hundreds of wonderful languages we are blessed with in our land – is somehow cool. Or those that think its even cooler to speak the language badly.
The uncoolest of all are those funny parents who actively encourage the belief in their kids that poor indigenous language skills is some kind of status symbol. I can forgive those that just can’t speak the language for whatever genuine reason, even though it should still be considered embarrassing. I mean truly embarrassing, not fashionably embarrassing. We all know our people. We can turn mediocrity or a lack of ability into a celebrated national trend.
But, come, what’s it with those that can speak,but just won’t?
For me, there is nothing more fascinating than a person that can speak two or more languages impeccably. And anyone that can speak two Nigerian languages plus English, and without any calamitous ‘cross-fertilisation’ – or should that be ‘crossfire’? – all I can say is ‘Mo gbe’di fun’.
Go figure.
5. ‘Frapas’ Practitioners
Just in case you don’t know what this means, I’ll tell you. Its kind of embarrassing though, so forgive my lowered voice….
You remember that woman at the bus stop the other day? The one waiting for her driver, or waiting to ‘enter bus’, or maybe just standing, backing you,‘Bigs Girlz’-style, waiting for something sha. She starts walking and then for some reason, abruptly slows her pace. Suddenly her arm swings round to her behind and she digs her forefinger in between her cheeks, hooks something outwards, downwards and then slightly to the left (or the right as the case may be) and then with a quick twist of the finger, releases whatever it is. If she’s particularly distressed, she’ll slightly raise a leg, say like 6 inches off the ground, or sometimes a quick, half-tiptoe may suffice. Then, arm returns to normal position, heel drops back to the ground, she regains her composure and she’s off again at full pace, all in one fluid movement.
No, she’s not farting. Haba! Take it easy. What you have just witnessed is a ‘Frapas’. The‘Fra’ , apparently, is the action of pulling out a disturbing, discomforting and over-adventurous thong back-strap or middle piece, while the ’pas’ is the sound made by the elastic recoil of the strap as it hits the flesh in its new position, a little to the left (or right, as the case may be).
Now, why women tend to believe that this is a perfectly decent thing to do in full view of the public will forever baffle me. Maybe because they believe that ‘out of sight is… out of sight’. Okay, but just because its happening behind them, out of their own field of vision , doesn’t mean the rest of MANkind ain’t seeing shit either. That’s what the ostrich thought, and still does.
Anyway, now you know why it’s so embarrassing for me to talk about these kind of things.
Dizgor. How dizgorrsting…
E no finish o. But enough for now.
MORE LATER
Watch out for part 2 next Friday.
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Rastaman walks into a bank, hands teller a bag of weed.
Bank teller: ”Sir, what is this for?”
Rastaman: ”Mi wan open a joint account.
~ Shaquille O’neal - http://twitter.com/THE_REAL_SHAQ
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HOW WELL DOES COLD WATER CLEAN?
A young man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned Grandpa, “Are these plates clean?”
Grandpa replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.”
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes. So he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather huffed, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now stop being so picky!”
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby restaurant. As he was leaving, Grandpa’s dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass. He yelled back, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me out!”
So Grandpa shouted, “COLD WATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY!”
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Have a Fantastic weekend.
God Bless you.
God Bless Nigeria.
As I tap away, the noise that ricochets through the window is deafening. No, it is not the noise from tapping the keyboards, it certainly isn’t my heart beat making it so uncomfortable to lie down. Believe it or not, it is the generator, not from my neighbours but the squatters in my neighbour’s uncompleted abode.
It is unbelievable what can be tolerated in Nigeria. Everything goes. The etiquette spirit is non existence. Whilst the favourite past time is for Nigerians to gather in twos or threes to discuss the inept of the government, the same discussants who complain to be deprived by the privilege are in their little authority are imposing on the less privilege further down the ladder of the well-to-do. It is just a pity.
Take the case of the squatters for a case study. They are squatters. Their rights are no-existent. Yet they flaunt about like escaped peacocks. The generator in question that barely generates light has a popular nickname…I am actually trying to remember it as I tap away. It will come to me, It must come to me……
“Yes, I have remembered the name…..”
Anyway, the noise is really disturbing. It is so impolite as the generator is almost at break down mode…..”YES!” I have remembered the nick name….it is called “I pass my neighbour”. Now can you imagine that for a name?
What I have been made to understand is that, these very small generators are usually bought by those who live in the neighbourhood where generators are a luxury item and if at all any inhabitant must have one, the first point of call would be the small “I pass my neighbour” type. This is a blatant statement to the neighbours that s(he) has arrived.
As I am not in the mood to compare generators, what is the point? All I want is a noiseless neighbourhood which these imposters are not ready to relinquish. And I would not bring myself to stoop so low as to be insulted by squatters who would definitely not have the foggiest idea of what my grievance is about. So what do I do? Sleep through it!
‘Thefordcentre’
The large sign board for this car dealership was interesting to say the least. Now it is another example of how some, not all, some Nigerians with an emphasis on some, do not take the extra time to tidy things up.
If a car dealer, a dealer for the famous ‘FORD’ brand could not be bothered to create extra space on the banner to read ‘The ford centre’ and now reads ‘thefordcentre’, how exactly do I expect a good service from such a dealer? I would continue to say it, the country as large as it is, is still very ‘green’. It is a virgin nation. There are loads of opportunities to establish businesses, correct business anomalies, create employment and ‘what have you’. The reason why we have embarrassing dealers such as the aforementioned is because the brilliant Nigerians are so brilliant that they have invented brilliant excuses to exclude themselves leaving the ‘half baked’ to take over the mill. It is atrocious to say the least.
‘Last leg home….’
A few weeks back, almost at the junction on my last leg home, after a long day at the office, I noticed an unusual hold-up. I wondered what could be the reason behind this traffic jam. It was not dissimilar to the go-slow normally experienced on the A13 on my way home in the UK in those days. However, this time, it was a standstill.
I asked Clement my driver what the matter was, only to inform me that it had been on for over an hour. An hour? I queried!
You see, Ola, gives me a lift to this junction where I get into my car for the last leg of my journey home. I would give Clement a call and back it up with a text to wifey, just to be certain that he got my message.
This was one lesson my mentor FB taught me; how to successfully accomplish a mission executed by a support staff.
A detour…..
Permit me to digress a little to elucidate on FB’s wisdom.
You see, in order to get things done in Nigeria, you have to go the extra mile. For instance, if you send one of your support staff on an important errand, it is wise to write it down on a sheet of paper, explain in details what is required and depending on how important the assignment is, if you want to cover all corners, It is advisable to credit his phone. This would totally eliminate the fruitless excuse of ” i no get credit sir”.
In Nigeria, aside the fact that texting is the main method of telecommunication, ahead of calling. It is inexpensive – I prefer to apply that word instead of ‘cheap’- and it usually gets an immediate response. Also, it would be on record that contact had been made as opposed to the recipient of your call who can blame it on bad network. So texting it is for the serious minded. This is not to say that actual phone calls should be discarded. Of course not.
As for your support staff, you would expect them to make that call to update you on the assignment at hand, because, things; just never seem to be straight forward with them. Ingenious excuses are plentiful.
In spite of the fact that, you were responsible for crediting phones of your support staff, they will still find it difficult to make a sensible conversation, as the speed at which they talk would be too incomprehensible for you to decipher what was been said. So what do you do? You would either have to remind them that you paid for the credit or you simply disconnect in order to call back. And a majority of times, the haste at the other end does not reduce after call back. It is usually at this point that I scream and warn Clement or whoever that this is my phone and my money and he should speak like a ‘rich man’ for once.
Back en-route….
Anyway, enough of the digression, the traffic jam – remember, was actually caused by a motorist who refused to concede an argument with a lorry driver. This particular man, whom I thought looked more educated than the lorry driver, was heard ’speaking in a bruised American accent.
Upon arriving at the scene (never to be done again, as I advise against it), I gently tapped this man who was by now surrounded by a bemused crowd of ‘area boys (touts)’ to ask what the matter was. As soon as these boys spotted my arrival, I could hear murmuring to the fact that they would deal with the said motorist, if this ‘oga (boss)’ cannot get through to him.
As I was seen in shirt and tie, I was instantly put in a position where I could possibly match his American accent. No way. All I wanted to do was find a way round the traffic jam.
John Travolta impersonator
And what did I get in return, a scream – “don’t touch me”, “why do you have to touch me?” desperately trying to mimic John Travolta.
What did I do, I looked on, took pity, and then moved on!
By now the crowd had increased and I could hear the music of “Saturday Night Fever” in the background in anticipation of the ‘reservoir dogs’ that were about to be released? I wondered as I quietly departed the scene in one piece.
Clement, an ex- ‘danfo- (commercial bus)’ driver had waggled the car to the front of the queue just in time for me to skip in to escape the hounding dogs in the ‘area bogs’ who were by now lifting the car up and down, elevating it form ground level ready to fling it. So it appeared.
What a Jerk!!
I was looking back in the comfort of my car watching the scene as Clement drove on….What a jerk I thought!!!
Still Jambing…
Before I go, it was a bitter sweet pill o swallow when I saw literally hundreds of secondary school pupils trooping out of a Joint Admissions Matriculation Board Examination centre on Saturday.
It is still the ambition of an average Nigerian to experience the 4 walls of a University, however, it saddens me to just think of the % of those that will bail out as soon as they complete their studies in search of greener pastures as well as those that will end up on the ‘dole’ queue.
I will encourage all those pupils to keep at it because education is the best mental assimilation anyone can ever experience. I have no regrets.
God Bless you.
God Bless Nigeria
God Bless Africa
Photo of the day: ‘Check out JideSalu Images’
Coming up soon: some bits and pieces from Toyin……
Remember, ”Do not wait for the future to come to you, face the future
Publicity: Courtesy of www.alphainventions.com
And the TRUMPET NEWSPAPER (UK)
At the dining table…..
At the dining table, ‘Governor’, my three year old son got up and declared that he was going to come round my side to whisper in my ears what happened at school today.
Wifey was away in the kitchen, so she missed all the drama that ensued.
Of course, ‘Prof’s’ ears were burning with curiosity. Like a dogs ears, you could notice that he was not going to miss out on this secret. Daughter on the other hand was all smiles as ‘Gov’ specifically announced that he did not want her to listen in on this ‘MI5′ secret.
This gave ‘Prof’ the false hope that he was to partake in ‘Gov’s top secret. By now I was eager for the secret to no longer be a secret.
“What was it all about?” we all asked ‘Gov’.
“Daddy”, he started, now holding both his hands closer to his lips as if to control the movement of the upper lip from the lower one, announced once again that it was only for my ears.
By now, he was next to me. Daughter smiling. ‘Prof’ with a concentrated frown, ready to lip read every movement of Governor’s synchronisation of the lips. Wifey was still busy in the kitchen. I guess totally unaware of the drama unfolding.
“Okay”, I belted out to ‘Gov’! “What is the secret”?
You could see the excitement that you can only associate with a 5 year old boy. With both is hands clasped together, in anticipation of the big release.
Like paparazzi would narrow in on an emerging celebrity, so were daughter and Prof. To maintain the dignity of the occasion, I shrieked at them both. They scuttled back to their positions with eyes and ears gazed on Gov’s lips.
“Okay now”, I said!
He moved closer, with his thumb and finger, pulled my left ear closer to his mouth, as if it would prevent Gov’s whisper from been listened to.
You know what, after all this ceremony, Governor’s whisper was almost as LOUD as the sound of our generator.
Anyway, he continued…
“Daddy, me and my friends at school looked at the girls in our glass and told them HEY BABY!”
“Really”, sounding very excited. “Then what happened afterwards”, I asked? They ran away laughing. He laughed out loud, with daughter and ‘Prof’ joining in, as the great whisper turned out to be a dining room announcement.
“Hey baby?”
Was it what I thought it was? Or was it not?
Was it an adult-like reference or an innocent baby- reference?
For the life of me, I do not know. All I know was that we all had a good laugh including the whisperer, who must have thought we understood his innuendos.
You all remember Toyin, my friend who came visiting Nigeria after almost 18 years in diaspora. Well she left me with Top ten shockers and Pleasant surprises.
Blessed Continent. Beautiful Nigeria. My local beach.
Below are her Top Ten Shockers. Quite amusing and revealing at the same time. Thanks T.
Toyin’s Top ten shockers
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The sudden appearance of oncoming traffic: my eyes were closed so often during my car travels I could have slept without knowing it.
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The speed at which a two lane carriageway suddenly morphed into five lanes
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The average Nigerian road-user’s lack of self preservation. I am still amazed at the speed at which someone suddenly skips across a motorway in the face of 1 and 2 above.
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The trust placed in Street hawkers – anything goes on the streets of Nigeria. How do I know whether the ‘Yinka Ayefele’ CD I’ve just purchased will work when I get home? Or that the ‘gala’ hasn’t been lying in boxes in a house in Mushin gathering infestation?
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HOW MANY CHURCHES DOES LAGOS NEED? As for the monolithic church buildings springing up everywhere – as a Christian, I couldn’t help feeling supremely uneasy and wondering how many of them were truly ‘temples of God’.
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Everyone – young/old, rich and poor owns a mobile phone, but how on earth do they run them? The cost of phone calls/texting is prohibitive! I think the word ‘flash’ within the context of Nigeria’s telephony system should make it into the English Dictionary. I actually saw the option ‘Dial/Flash’ on a telephone handset!
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The proliferation of banks and financial institutions – great gads! No such thing as high street banking for the Lagos populace. I couldn’t believe the number of banks located in residential areas. Why on earth?!
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Apparently PHCN (formerly known as NEPA) are in a tug of war with FESTAC town residents. I witnessed only 15 mins of electricity supply throughout my entire visit!
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Whatever happened to the beautiful suburbia that was FESTAC town?
I was caught in a catch 22 situation a couple of weeks ago at the International Airport. Whilst leaving Alitalia’s office after seeking an enquiry, a gentle man, bespectacled, in dark suit, business like, but ironically carrying what you would call a cheap super market bag walked towards me and sought my attention. Respectfully, I waited.
The first words that came out of his mouth conjured memories of a con man. That was what the left side of my brain was telling me. However, the right side of my brain was telling me to hang on, to bear with him and hear his story.
Okay, all within nanoseconds, he poured out his heart on how he is a Pastor and on his way to Akure, in Ondo State on God’s assignment. He told me that he believes God had appointed this time for us to have met, at this junction, because God directed him to approach me….”okay, get on with it, my left brain was saying”!
He continued, “I am stranded, and all I need is N2, 800 to get me to Akure to…..”
I stopped him. Reminded him which country we were in – Nigeria of course, just in case he may have forgotten, after all, we are at the airport. He may have been carried away by the sound of the aeroplanes en-route Akure!
By the way, there is no airport that I am aware of in Akure. Why on earth did he choose Akure of all places as a destination?
Now what was I to do? I will spear you my inner thoughts.
Oh yes, the right side of my brain won on the day. Yes, I gave him some money.
Was I conned? May be!
The foot prints of "good news".
However, what if he was genuinely stranded?
We all get embarrassed and cross, when the rest of the world paint all Nigerians with one brush. However, back at home, we are quick to do exactly what we detest. So, yes, I gave him the benefit of doubt, as I hope every foreigner would.
Food for thought you all.
God Bless you the reader
God Bless Africa
Bless Nigeria
Tomorrow will include Toyin’s top ten pleasant surprises, worth looking out for and my evening stroll to the local beach…Nigeria is indeed a blessed and beautiful countr.
Click to view RICH NATION. BEAUTIFUL CONTINENT.
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0ur 1selfish 2attitude…..
By the time you get to read the last word in today’s diary, you would understand why Nigeria as a nation and a people are where we are today.
Most read my daily diary entries and are taken aback by the sheer energy I have in downloading my experiences. My mission has always been to contribute to either uplift the spirit within Nigeria or to give the thousands of Nigerians outside the country the true picture (from my myopic stance) of today’s Nigeria.
Most that truly know me, know that I am an optimist by nature. I detest anything negative. However, this is not to go around pretending all is well, especially within the nation Nigeria.
While I may promote Nigeria as my country, a nation I am truly proud of, I will not shy away from the fact that all is perfect.
What I do not enjoy or partake in are the seamless discussions that will only pour abuse on Nigeria and criticise for the sake of it. I shy away from that politics.
JSD, that is JideSaluDiary, has promised to do one thing, and that is to report the bad, reflect on the ugly and celebrate the good. That’s all.
I have often wondered why the rich behave as they do. Not only in Nigeria, but for this discussion, in Nigeria?
The point is that I can boast of having rich friends and successful ones at that. Some of their behaviour I cringe at, others, benevolent, and the rest, really cannot make head or tale of.
My point, success is within. For anyone to become successful, you must see it, feel it before you begin to experience it.
This is no self help mumbo jumbo. This is for real.
Could I also point out that success for an average Nigerian is a massive house and a 4 wheeler. What rubbish!! That is not success at all. This is why majority of Nigerians miss it.
My mentor FB, whom I am blessed to have as a mentor is a man I so much admire in so many respects. He is a very successful man in his own right who shies away from publicity at all course, whether he would be able to for so long remains to be seen though.
Let me share one thing with you about FB. You see, there was this day I was privileged to witness one of his successful secrets. Do you know what it was, reading the bible. Whilst, I got up to ease myself in the toilet, there was FB, reading his bible at 4am.
Another of his secrets is giving. This man is one of the magnanimous givers I have ever come across. Last week, I just mentioned in passing that it was wifey’s mum’s 75th birthday, he pleaded I pass by his house to pick up a gift envelope. Now that is tapping into something which is far more than the eyes can see.
There are so many successful people around you that you will literally ignore them just for the fact that their car does not reflect their supposed status. Wrong!
Take for instance, Pastor Adeboye of the Redeem Church. You will not say he is flamboyant or a millionaire. However, this is one Pastor that has success written all over him.
And that was why when the issue of the private plane came up, I chose to keep quite.
Interestingly, I spoke with my mentor FB about it. I wanted to know his personal views on the matter. I was not at all surprised by his take on the matter, as a deep thinker he is. He gave me the analogy of the Archbishop of Canterbury who had to travel to an official engagement in a Rolls- Royce. It will not be the Rolls-Royce that would define who the Archbishop is; instead, it would be the other way round. The same, FB said, goes with Pastor Adeboye.
The truth eventually emerged about the private jet, and all the critics went back into hibernation to return to pounce and bastardise another successful being. My tip is to stay clear of the habit of always criticising. Do not engage in destructive habit. It not only deprives the speaker of his future, it also affects the mindset as well.
My point is this, the rich think differently from the poor.
For you to get to where you are going, a lot of thought must go into it, anything less will produce the result of the lazy.
Clement, with no apologies offered belongs to the class of the lazy thinkers. His limited effort to decipher tasks has come about not as a result of ineptitude but as a habit. It is difficult for the likes of Clement to understand how the Rich view life. And this is why my old shirts wifey passed on to him are now unrecognisable with all the edges of the collar coated with dirt. How about the house maid with opportunity to sleep on mattress choose to sleep on the bare floor.
Nigerians in general, apologies in advance for almost generalising here, are lazy at thinking. Nigerians love to just adopt the mob effect. “Mob-ology”, I like to call it. Whatever anyone manages to do to make a few bob, the mob will follow.
Why the almost “sermonising” entry today?
I was just thinking about how one thinks and the compensation for that act.
Yesterday, I had to give Clement a serious talking to. His many indiscretions have become habits that must be stopped. This 27 year old man from Benue state in the Northern part of Nigeria lives in one of the many uncompleted buildings in my locality. I actually confirmed this address much after he had been employed. Would I have employed him if I had known this about him? I don’t know is the answer. Would I have employed him, if I had known that he was an ex-commercial bus driver? No, is the absolute answer.
Yesterday, I had to go someplace. I instructed Clement when to come back to pick me. Such a simple instruction I would have thought. I specifically told him, the time and added p.m. for clarity.
But you see, artisans belong to a different breed.
The constant use of our intellect is very important. If one does not make time to exercise this very important organ, it becomes ‘wahala’ – trouble – in the end.
I ended up not going for my appointment after waiting and calling Clement for an hour. I must confess, driving to that part of town at night is long winded.
I noticed a few days ago that his phone was faulty. I would have thought it was a priority which he would sort out. He had not. So what happens is that I give him a call, he picks up, I can’t hear him at the other end, neither can he. To a sensible fellow, the phone ought to be fixed. Clement has not.
Guys, this is no fiction. This is, so that you can put this stuff in perspective. I remember reading a ’sour grape’ comment left on my diary sometime back from someone who thought wifey and I ought to be grateful if all our problems were only maids and drivers related. I thought that comment did not deserve a reply even though I was not in the least tempted to delete it so that the person’s ignorance would be exposed for the whole world to see.
When you reside in this nick of the planet, it would be suicidal not to have support staff. Period. I do not care what anyone says. They may be called maids in Nigeria or Africa, they have more sophisticated names for them in U.K or America.
Most people put on a suit and tie to the office, but are sophisticated maids earning foreign currency.
A heavy downpour commenced at around 4am this morning. Should it prevent me from going about my duties? Well, for Clement, the answer is a resounding YES!
He did not report for work this morning. It was still raining at around 5.45am when I set out. Ola, (accompanied by the two lovely sisters Ada and Charity – hello ladies and Charity, I have taken you up on your offer) who graciously gets me to work was already on his way.
What did I have to do?
Another thing guys! Never say never, because you never know when the inevitable will occur, as it did for me this morning.
I had to make use of a touch light early this morning. I set about the 22 minutes trek to the end of the long road to meet up with Ola, Ada and Charity. This time, because of the many road puddles (I can still feel my wet shoes now), it must have taken me about 30 minutes. The touch light was to project light onto the road while I navigate my steps through the many road puddles.
It was hilarious and I laughed within me all the way to my pick up point. There was this lady who was walking right in front of me, like an excursion leader. By each step she took, I could tell that she was familiar with the location of the puddles with the exception of a few which I tried to help out with by projecting my touch light to give her some light to see.
Guess what, whether she thought I had some ulterior motives, she did not in the least acknowledge my gesture. She walked on and as soon as it was clear that I could boldly walk unaided, I whisked past her.
Are we just selfish as a race or as human beings?
I think the answer may be in the mindset of the people. When you see how the ‘okada’ – commercial motor cyclist marshal the road, or the commercial bus driver, or the executive driver behind the 4 wheel drive obstruct and threaten every other person, one would be convinced that their brains are on sabbatical. At the shops, there is total absence of etiquette, yet they expect tips from shoppers.
It is so sad to experience all this. So sad to witness as well. And I am almost sorry to say that it will take a generation to change the mind set of these people who happen to be in majority.
As a Nigerian living abroad and looking forward to coming back one day, you ought to be aware of this scenarios, hence this diary.
I am simply reporting the bad and reflecting on the ugly. As for Clement, we shall see. Enough of the bad and the ugly.
Dare Art
Now it is time to celebrate the good, I bought an album – Un.Darey.ted by Dare Art on Monday. I heard Ola play it in his car on our way home and I thought this was good. I particularly love track 6 – “Style Na Style” – his collaboration with 9ice, another of my favourite talented Nigerian musicians. I would recommend you check this guy out. For those of you who remember the ‘Art Alade show’, Dare is Art Alade’s son. Congratulations Dare. I bought the disc and may you sell many more.
See you all tomorrow by God’s grace
God Bless you the reader
God Bless Africa
Bless Nigeria
Tomorrow, I promise to provide Toyin’s top ten pleasant surprises, and my evening stroll to the local beach…..
.
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The Drink of Chelsea Fans
At the end of the battle of the Premiership clubs in the Champions League game yesterday between Liverpool football club and London’s Chelsea watched by millions all over the world including the additional millions of devoted Nigerian football fans, somewhere in the suburbs of Lagos, Mafoluku in Oshodi, the excited Chelsea fans who witnessed their team defeat Liverpool 3-1 were all drenched in a special brew of gin.
Introduced to Nigerians in 1987 by the Nigerian manufacturers, Intercontinental Distillers Limited, it is said to be a very popular drink used in celebrating victories.
I must confess, I had never heard of Chelsea London Dry Gin before now. I had heard of Schnapps and ‘Ogogoro’ a rather strong un-distilled Nigerian dry gin that has a reputation to set alight anything flammable. I doubt if I would ever be able to tell you what it tastes like, because, firstly, I am not a Chelsea supporter and secondly, in Nigeria, the fan base of Chelsea football club comprise mainly ‘area boys’ – touts, thanks to the manufacturers of Chelsea London Dry Gin. I am definitely not an area boy.
So Chelsea fans in Nigeria, as you could imagine, every weekend, douse in dry gin, come victory or defeat.
Illegal China Town…
Still on area boys…I was told the story of our Chinese friends resident in Nigeria who sought help from some Chelsea fans (sorry guys) , by now you know who I meant, some area boys of course.
Why?
The part of Lagos where they had converged and turned into an illegal China town selling all sorts had come to the attention of Lagos State Governor Fashola, and it was decided the place had to be demolished.
What did the Chinese do in defence?
They chose to employ ‘area boys’ that would defend them in this conflict with the government. So picture this, the axe wielding Nigerian touts ‘anointed’ in Chelsea London dry gin with Bruce lee look alike Chinese in the background all dressed up in Kong fu outfits brandishing chop sticks in a riot with the Police force.
Nollywood? It will not be farfetched. This is Nigeria, where even the Chinese knew that nothing is impossible. I don’t know how it ended, but I know that Governor Fashola gets what he wants. Could anyone ever imagine Oshodi bus stop traders would ever be cleared off the railway tracks? Considering this location had embedded its culture and reputation of a dingy area in the subconscious of all Lagosians. Oshodi was cleared and suddenly became a new area overnight. This action Governor in replying to visiting market traders who threatened not to vote for him come 2011, told them that “a good student does not repeat class and that it would be them, the voters, who would come looking for him to contest come 2011″. Wise words from a wise and courageous leader.
Now that says a lot about the man who coined the phrase “Eko o ni baje o” – meaning “Lagos will not be destroyed”
“Comportments ?”
“Comportments ?” I asked him again for clarification. It was until he said “roughness too much”, was how I was able to figure out what he meant.
He meant to say it was not comfortable. In his words “comfortess” which sounded like “comportment” to me.
The ‘okada’ rider in describing the hazards that go side by side with his profession when I asked him if he enjoyed doing what he was engaged in came out with the word “comfortness”.
He meant there was no comfort in the ‘Okada’ vocation; however he had no choice as there was no other source of livelihood. My short ‘okada’ ride, to the end of the road, which would have cost me 30 minutes of my time cost my pocket N50. I gave him N100, an extra N50 for the few words he shared with me, educating me a bit on the lifestyle of an ‘okada’ rider and for the safe ride.
Oh, before I forgot, it was my fifth ride and I always forewarn the ‘Okada’ rider on each occasion that it was my first ride and he ought to be very careful.
On the fifth ride this morning, the motorcyclist was taken aback.
“First time?” screamed the motorcyclist early this morning! “u mean say u never ride machine b4?” he asked, to which I replied, certainly ” i never ride this machine b4″.
Now I know the mentality!
If these uncharacteristic professionals see their tool of vocation as a machine, it explains the aura of invisibility they protrude to the world.
I now see! Hmmmnnnn
having fun
Yesterday I promised to share with you my evening stroll to my local beach. Well, all I wanted to say or write is that I went with the boys (Prof. and Gov.) last Sunday and it struck me once again how blessed this nation truly is.
An unadulterated gift from God Almighty. A place the western world would kill for. Even Dubai with all its beauty had to make do with an artificial one.
There we were a 10 minute walk to the beach surrounded not by one single 5 star hotel. I really do not know how Florida or the Brazilian beaches differ from Alpha Beach!
You all know that what you do not have to sweat for, most times, you take it for granted. I think that is the case of Africa in general and Nigeria in particular. So that’s it really. It was a good evening. A very good evening indeed. I appreciated once again the God I serve for creating me a Nigerian.
Re, yesterday’s entry. I got back very good comments. I always appreciate all your comments really. I make an effort to reply, and it is just not a general reply. It is always a personal reply if you had noticed.
“You see, I am talking to you right now” as I tap away on the keyboard. You are reading this word this second, and the sound behind the voice is not yours, is it?
No, it is not!
It’s mine.
So when you take your time to write me a word or two of what you really think about what I have just said to you, then you will be talking back to me.
Your comments talk back to me.
Whilst I know some of you, like Bayo Dossy, Kola, KTttt, Snatch, Mayowa, Iyowu, Bobby, Ola, Toyin, Kanmi, etc
Bumight, Afrobabe, Gerard, NaijaDude, Doja, LG, Temite, Rita, Nimmo, Blogoratti, Writefreak, Buttercup, LuciousRon, Fantasy Queen, O’dee, JustDB, Lolia, Secret Diary,Jaycee, Solomosydelle, qmoney, Peter, and I can go on and on and on, I do not know.
The point I am trying to make is this. Talent, is normally, not recognised and appreciated by the people you know.
I listed 10 people I know that have read and left comments as compared with 20 people I have never met in my life.
When complete strangers, in this case, now ‘cyber friends’, take their precious time to drop a line or two, what more can I say and do, but to appreciate.
I appreciate you all.
Could I encourage you to also tick the box Notify me of follow-up comments via email.
This will notify you immediately upon my reply to your comment.
HAPPY EASTER
In the spirit of Easter, I wish you a Happy Easter.
Wifey’s mum celebrated her 75th a couple of weeks ago. My mum will be celebrating her 70th tomorrow.
Mum, I love you and Happy Birthday.
God Bless you for reading
God Bless Africa
God Bless Nigeria
Tomorrow is Friday and is ‘On a lighter note’. Part 2 of Kola’s ‘frapas’ is on. You can’t afford to miss it. Yes, I know I promised Toyin’s conclusion. Sorry, that will now be on Monday…..
.
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Hello, I promised and here it is…introducing part 2 of ‘Frapas’ by Dr Kola Munis ( for those that missed part 1, what date was it last Friday again? Click on the calendar)
1. People That Talk Too Loud & Too Much
ALWAYS TALKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!! EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE RIGHT BESIDE THEM!! IF OUT OF EYESIGHT YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THEY ARE ON A LONG DISTANCE CALL TO OR FROM NIGERIA!! WHICH IS JUST AS IRRITATING, BUT KIND OF UNDERSTANDABLE, CONSIDERING OUR NETWORKS!! ONLY FOR YOU TO FIND THEY ARE IN CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE SITTING RIGHT THERE AT THE SAME TABLE!!! IS THAT ANNOYING OR WHAT??? I KNOW THEY SAY WE NIGERIANS ARE LOUD, AND I CANNOT CREDIBLY ARGUE THIS TO BE WITHOUT FOUNDATION, BUT FOR US TO ACTUALLY HAVE AMONGST US THOSE THAT EVEN WE CONSIDER TOO LOUD???!!!!! THAT’S SCARY.
Then-there-are-those-that-just-won’t-stop-talking-’no-brake-no-jam’-nothing like-gear-one-only-gear-five.
It-means-they-are-spending-so-much-time-yakking-AT-you-not-even-WITH-you-that-you-cant-get-a-word-in-even-thru-the-back-door-sef.
Meanwhile-they-have-gone-completely-off-point-totally-misconstuing-your-one-and-only-statement-made-like-one-hour-ago-and-they-are-even-arguing-with-you-and-getting-really-pissed-off-at-you-on-a-point-you-actually-both-agree-on-if-only-they-slowed-down-took-a-deep-breath-and-cared-to-let-you-open-your-mouth-just-for-a-second-to-clarify.
Those type of people are really hannoying, abi?
Shett
2. Professional Naija Bashers
Oh, I can’t stand these people o! You know them now. Those guys (they’re usually guys – our women are far more patriotic). The guys that only cum after they’ve had a good bash at Nigeria. Sorry, that should be ‘come’. My bad.
The ones you tell‘Oh. Nigeria is trying small-small now o. They are doing this or trying that’. Their standard response is, ‘Be fooling yourselves there. Nigeria is finished. They haven’t even done this, they haven’t done that, yet they are starting another one’.
Ah-ah? Are we not allowed to even feel good about any infinitsimally small sign of progress again?
Or those guys that believe everyone is stealing and everyone in government is stupid and the only Nigerians with any sense are themselves. Or those that advocate civil unrest from the safety of their computer keyboards abroad. Or those that refuse to update their knowledge of Nigeria and make arrogant pronouncements on the country based on 20 year–old observations and data.
Or even those that are failed and frustrated men marooned abroad who would like to believe that they are still better than Nigeria and Nigerians who bravely stuck to the task and are making a difference back home.
They irritate me. They should go and sit down in one place..
Abroad.
3. Visible Hair Undergrowth
Attachments.
Just to set the record straight, I don’t share the sanctimonious (Nigerian) male outrage and misplaced ‘cultural’ war on attachments and ‘western’ wigs. Neither do I pretend to be an expert on ladies’ hair adornments. But I often wonder why women don’t look carefully in the mirror each morning and do something about the undergrowth sprouting from beneath their attachments.
Most of us men would never know these women were not flaunting their very own beautiful, lustrous, God-given locks if not for these tell-tale sproutings. The ones at the back are bad enough, but in the front too?
I can only compare it to having bits of food still visibly stuck inbetween your teeth when you flash a smile.
But maybe it’s fashion sha
4. Canned Laughter
Laugh.
Don’t laugh.
Oya , laugh again. Keep laughing.
Stop.
Don’t mind me o. I’m in one of those moods when I refuse to be told when to laugh. And if I forget to laugh, that’s my prerogative, actually.
I’m talking about those formulaic plastic sitcoms where badly written scripts compel fairly average actors to perform dour, poorly timed punchlines which make you wince, but require you to laugh.
Very hannoying.
No, I am not talking Nollywood. Nollywood does not indulge in such bad habits, please! These are mostly American productions. The ones where, every ten or fifteen seconds, some joker of a producer snaps open a can of pre-recorded laughter. The ‘dose’ of laughter comes streaming out like Coca-cola effervescence, and then, just as quickly, the lid is snapped back in place again, cutting out the dreadful laughter like NEPA cuts out NTA.
Next time you find yourself in front of a screen barraged with canned laughter, look around you. Everyone just seems to stare blankly at the TV screen, hardly a flicker of a smile on a single face. And for every ten released doses, you’ll find the viewers are only in mirthful agreement with maybe just one of them. So what’s the point?
When, for instance, did ‘Osuofia’ or ‘MamaG’ ever have to ‘instruct’ you when to laugh? Okay, Osuofia once famously instructed his wife and daughters to jump up and down in tearful bereavement. But then, somebody actually died. Very emotional scene it was. We were all shedding tears. Abi?
But laugh?
Somebody said if they steal your laughter, they steal your soul. These people… they are really trying to steal our laughter o…
Leave me, let me laugh by myself ‘jare!. Its my fundamental human right! No to imperialism! Yes to freedom of expression, or lack of.
Ha-ha-ha? America, I don’t think so…
E no finish ‘jare. E remain small.
Tatto-ended-prisoner
In Nigeria, what it really means……
Early to bed and early to rise……….Na Ministry you dey work be that
If at first you don’t succeed……….Make you use another passport
From frying pan……………to belle
When in Rome…………..No do as Bini babes dey do oooo
Birds of the same feather…….na the same mama born dem.
One good turn…. ….. na correct power steering be that.
A bird in hand…… . wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque.
Half bread……. … is better than buns.
Journey of a thousand miles……. Ol’boy carry your car go o
He who laughs last…….. na mumu. Why im no catch the joke at the first
time and laugh when others dey laugh?
A fool and his money…………Na guy man best friend
A friend in need…………..No go meet me for house
A penny saved………….Na half a penny tomorrow
As you make your bed………….Na so you go lay your mat too
Don’t cry over spilt …..Akamu
A stitch in time…… .. dey prevent further tear tear.
The patient dog…….. Na hunger go kill am.
All work and no play……Na banker be dat
All play and no work…… Abeg na real life be dat. After all, u no see as
u dey happy wen dem declare public holiday……..
Only In America
Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ….do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ….do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America …..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only inAmerica……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ….do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER …
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this blog link to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)….
HAPPY
EASTER
6-3-3-4 playing Education Field
In my days (it makes me feel like I am an old child) going to school in Nigeria, it was such a straight forward education system that was adopted.
The primary school formation was such that you are admitted into Pry 1 and are expected to pass through to Pry 6. At the final school year, you seat for the Primary School leaving certificate exams and various secondary school examinations.
Competition was stiff in those days. The race to gain admission into secondary school was exhausting as well as exciting. I remember collecting past examination papers to prepare. My dear parents sacrificing the little they had to pay for extra tuition fees – commonly referred to as lessons.
I know for a fact that my parents’ friends take pride in announcing what examinations their sons or daughters sat and how much they had prepared.
As I had my primary school in Lagos – Methodist Primary school, Surulere, Lagos. It was an ambition to gain admission into top Lagos secondary schools such as Saint Gregorys, Birch Freeman, Saint Finbarr‘s, Igbobi college, CMS Grammar School, Baptist Academy and Kings College Methodist Boys High school.
The uniform in those days was strictly white, not the rainbow coloured attire students wear these days.
You seat the secondary school exams and only the best of the best were admitted. Many others take the Federal Common Entrance exams. Now those exams were meant for admission into Federal Government run and funded secondary schools such as Kings and Queens colleges in Lagos, Federal Government College Warri, my alma mater. They were deemed elitist. There was no opportunity for dregs.
Then as you gain admission into a secondary school, and you look yourself in the mirror, check your armpit to count the number of strands of hair that have sprouted. On a daily basis, I remember looking in the mirror, keeping a vigil on my moustache and imaginary beard. You believed you had grown up. That you were now a big boy! After all, you now wear white as your school uniform. With the exception of Igbobi College which wore the famous brown Khaki uniform.
It was so much fun growing up.
How quickly the five years in secondary school, from forms 1 to 5 roll pass by. You move on to preparing for WAEC (West African Examination Certificate) and then onto the popular JAMB (we love acronyms in Nigeria, we just adore them) which stood for Joint Admissions Matriculation Board. This particular exam would take you towards the university arm of education.
So, why all the reminiscing?
For the simple reason that I do not understand the new system of JS1-3 (Forms 1-3 in my days and stands for Junior School) and SS1-3 (which stands for Senior school and Forms 4 -6) which was introduced in 1991 for some educational restructuring I have been told. Another newer board is the WASSCE which stands for West Africa Examination Secondary School Certificate. What on earth is all this?
I have also been informed that I may need to update this piece as it has changed again. This time to reflect the 9 years secondary school pupils would be kept in school for.
9 whole years? Wow!
What does all this mean? Why the change in the first instance?
Did the smart ’so and so’ really think it would add to the value of education? What exactly did they have in mind when they introduced this confusing acronym?
You have some schools that tilt towards the UK curriculum while some have the American version. I know the state schools have no affiliation whatsoever. They operate the Nigerian version. What does all this mean?
In my days, yes, I know. You go through secondary school up to the university level and you were qualified to stand up anywhere on the planet with your shoulders held high up. Not anymore.
I may be old fashion, but why change something it if it ain’t broken? Or what do you guys think?
Dressing up for God….
In the UK, attending church services was so simple. At least the church I went to – Grace Outreach Church, Grays, Essex. There was no dress culture. Of course, one was expected to dress sensibly, and what I mean by that is not to dress to distract.
In Nigeria, dressing up for God has taken another dimension. The mentality that you have to put on your best for God has literally been taken out of context.
I look around, and you could just sense it in the air without been told that it was Sunday.
Head gears of all shapes and colours tied up. Immaculate suits that appear especially reserved for this righteous day modelled with the exception of children without any care in the world who are happy in their trainers and jeans.
I have nothing against dressing up, especially if it is to show up and show off for God, however, nowhere in Genesis through to Revelation in my bible does it suggest that poorly dressed believers will not get God’s attention. In Nigeria, we like to do it differently. We take it to extremes.
“I took 3…..”
On Monday, I was very crossed with “Gov”. He lied without blinking his big eye balls and I had to find ways in getting rid of this malicious ill as fast as possible. I know that there is nothing like a little lie. A lie is a lie. A little lie can be liken to a little flame. You all know what happens when a little flame is at work. It certainly can bring down a skyscraper. So can a lie.
I knew what to do.
I am freer in Nigeria to bring up my children the way I deem right. There was no risk that any of my children – even though I was sure it would never happen, but then again, you never know in the UK – would give child support a phone call. This is the norm. This is the politically correct British way of bringing up a child.
A parent who is seen to have scolded a child would be reprimanded as this is seen as a psychological risk to the child. Not in Nigeria. I do admit, some parents do cross the line with their overzealousness in chastising, but it is a sin if the rod is spared. I have the Holy Bible to back me up.
As a parent, I would say I am the liberal sort. I am tolerant but firm, if you get my point. My children understand when either wifey or I give the stare. They recognise our different voice tones to drive home our instructions.
As for lying, we just do not condone it in my household, and the children are aware of this rule. There is just something about Nigeria with bad manners, lack of etiquette, wrong choice of words, gutter language that if care is not taken, children pick up with relative ease.
I was not going to allow this opportunity to instil the strictest of punishment pass me by.
I do not belt out punishment for the sake of it. Once wifey and I correct any of our children, they have to tell us why they thought they were been punished.
Prof was denied playing with his games for 3 days some time ago and it certainly worked.
Now Oba’s punishment was to kneel down facing the wall with both hands straight up. I remember it so well whilst I was growing up. It was a cruel and painful punishment. For the first 3 minutes, it seem like another game for him, but for every passing hand of the minute on the wall clock, it begun to hit home with aches of the hand, legs and head. Showers of tears opened up and flooded his handsome face. I felt pity, but one mind urged me on for another minute. “Hand straight up” I would yell!
Wifey was in the room, busy reading her novel. I knew it would not take long before she had a say. And seconds afterwards, wifey came to his rescue. Her eyes could not take it anymore.
Prof was made to tell us why he was been punished and in my customary manner, I linked a story to his vice. I told him the story of a boy whose arms were chopped off for lying. He listened and then had a look of fear.
He got up, mopped the flood of tears off his face and sat in dejection, obviously in pain.
At the dining table last night, Prof announced to us that Gov was good today. “What did he do” I asked? He told the truth. Well I expect him to, came my reply.
“Yes, I know. Anyway, he came downstairs to the kitchen and prepared himself some garri and water and added 3 cubes of sugar”, Prof said.
“Really”, I replied!
“As soon as Gov saw me, he said – I TOOK THREE”
What could I say? “Well-done”.
Wifey on the other hand saw it differently. “Gov, it is good you told the truth, but next time, you must take one cube and not three okay” she counter-reacted with a straight face. “I took three, what a liberty to tell the truth while doing wrong” she went on to remark.
True words.
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Trumpet newspapers (UK)
“Shit”……on a deep note
Oh yes, it is unlike me to profess such Vulgarity. However
while
today is Friday, I have chosen to present you with “on a deeper note”.
"Life's Shit"
I ask you to take a closer look at the photograph above.
What do you see?
What you see is not an ordinary caption.
It captures for me in a nut shell, what we all have to carry in life to be an achiever.
Here is a Marathon athlete in a competitive race. Gradually, he must have felt it. Would it happen or would it not?
Still he carried on running!
He must have agonised over many metres or kilometres, look at the grimace on his face, yet he continued with his race.
He must have being in pain. A lot of pain from stomach cramps, headache and the shame that was about to befall him. Yet he carried on.
Suddenly, the worst thing imaginable, with the exception of an injury happened.
Shit!
What ran through his mind?
What did he do? What would you have done?
Why not take another look at the photograph, a lot of people staring, some in disbelief, others in shock.
He could have simply stopped running to clean up. What would you have done?
He could have hidden in shame? What would you have done?
He could have gone into a mood and not talked to anyone. What would you have done?
He could have cried and aborted the race all together but what would you have done?
I may not see it from where I am. Your friends, colleagues or neighbours may not smell the shit on you right now, but only you know the ’shit’ you are in. Some of might even be in a very deep ’shit’ right now.
Correct?
What are you doing about it?
The athlete only had one thing in mind, which was to finish the race.
Would you?
In spite of the smell and the look, he had the DETERMINATION to cross the line even when shit happens.
What about you today?
What is your shit?
What shit are you in right now – mortgage, unemployment, inability to pay children’s school fees, debt, low pay, lack of education, homeless, etc
Take comfort in the photograph above and keep your eye focused on the finished line, where ever that may be.
Be DETERMINED even when shit happens
God Bless you for reading
God Bless Africa
God Bless Nigeria
Stay blessed and have a beautiful weekend.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Mr Froggy’s visit….
It was a loud scream that got the attention of everyone in the house. I was listening to Sky news….Wifey was busy somewhere in the room…..the boys and daughter have all retired to their respective rooms. However, upon hearing the thunderous noise that got our attention, we all ended up meeting in the centre of the family living room asking each other if we knew where the noise came from.
Confirming it must have been as a result of an occurrence outside, we immediately dashed downstairs.
The boys were spent, and I mean it literally. During the day, they have had a time of their lives with their old friends from the UK (the Odusanyas) over for the weekend. It was a full house with Toyole Olomodosi, a favourite cousin of the boys to make up the gang of 6. It is always a lively time for all whenever Joshua, David and Rinu are over at our house. It was an occasion for the parents to exchange life experiences as returnees (ex-diasporas) from the UK.
As the schools are on term break, it was a chance for the boys to let loose from the serious school work and I really do not blame them. They have deserved every second of their hyperactivity.
So after 3 days with the Odusanya 3, by 8′o clock, my boys and cousin Toyole all looked like they had utilised every second of the hours spent not sleeping.
Anyway back to the altercation outside, or so it seemed, the moment we heard that scream.
We were down stairs in split seconds – Wifey, myself, daughter and Toyole.
The sliding door was already left opened with no visa (as if they needed one) required to mosquitoes to invade our territory.
We got out to the boys quarters to discover Mercy our housemaid in wrapper already at the scene, as if she was attending to a 999 or 199 call out as it were.
Fatima who lives in the boys’ quarters was still screaming, “it is big, very big”. Now in hysterics, she continued in a higher pitch, “how did it get into my room. It just went over my leg when I spotted it sir”.
I could not make heads or tails of what she was on about, so steadily, I moved closer, careful of what I may see this time. I ran back in to get a touch light.
Bearing in mind, it was a big cobra snake that came visiting a few weeks back, I was not sure what my eyes would be exposed to. Mercy, in one corner, seems to be enjoying herself judging by the gleam on her face.
Wifey on the other hand, with daughter and Toyole behind her were trying to make sense of it all.
They had seen it before me, while I had dashed back inside. “Dad, you need to see it”, daughter said. “It is really big”, she screamed.
By now, I was back with a touch light in hand to discover a big Frog on its back, dazed and still breathing. I was shocked at the size and could not imagine how it managed to leapfrog itself into Fatima’s room.
We all stared and consoled the hysterical Fatima. I was so such that all sorts would be going on in her young mind. Trust us, superstitious Nigerians.
Mercy still out…..
By the way, as I tap on the key board, it has just gone past 9pm, and Mercy, who had gone to complete part 2 of plaiting her hair is not back home yet. She went for almost 4 hours yesterday, got back around past 7pm, with half her hair plaited. She had plans to resume the journey the next day, which is today, to complete hair ‘plait marathon’. She is yet to arrive from her marathon…
Sunday Nuggets….
Oh yes, it was Sunday yesterday. I went to Church, Gilgal parish of Redeem situated in Victoria Garden City (VGC), Ajah, Lagos.
Pastor Emeka Nwankwo, a man of God I truly have time for was Holy Spirit inspired as he shared with us on the topic “Rescuing the family”. Below are some of the points I think will resonate with you;
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Any home without a prayer alter is doomed for failure. A man without one will not be successful.
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A prayer alter is a place where you meet with God as a family. An opportunity for the family t come together to pray. It is not a shrine. It is a place to give the children the spiritual foundation where they can learn to connect with God.
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The alter gives you basis to start the day. A place to teach the children. As much as you share the word of God as a family, the word of God begins to influence our decisions and opinions.
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When we present something to God, he definitely attends to them. That is all God does, as he looks for ways to bless us. He is not busy in heaven working a 9-5.
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However, God is helpless to help where the husband and wife do not come together to pray.
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When you can’t find the things you are looking for, you take it to the family altar.
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A man cannot be fully fulfilled as a husband without the happiness of his wife.
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Finally, God knows his plan and he is committed to them (Exodus 23:26)
Wifey and I are truly blessed to have finally discovered a church where the focus is on Christ and not the pastor. I tell you, it is like finding the needle in a haystack.
Hillsborough….
I remember arriving back to the UK after many years growing up in Nigeria. My British accent had virtually disappeared, just like my sons have now. I was 4 years back then, roughly the same age as my youngest son.
My pronunciations were all Nigeria-nised, if you know what I mean. In England, you could easily so miss-pronounce it, if you do not apply the wisdom to listen carefully to others speak, especially newscasters.
I remember once, many years back in Kennington, a place in South East London where my wonderful cousins – Taiwo and Kehinde Martins – lived. Kennington is under the borough of SOUTHWARK.
So how on earth do you pronounce this place – “South-walk or Southw-alk”?. I could not recognise it was the same borough when I first heard it in a conversation.
The proper pronunciation is “So-thwark”. Strange ehh?.
How about GREENWICH?
A typical Nigeria would easily have it murdered in pronunciation. “Green-WHICH”?
Well, you guess right, the correct pronunciation is “Greenw-ich” with the ‘w’ silent.
So, I ought not to have been shocked to hear a newscaster on one of Nigeria’s major TV stations totally bastardised a town named Hillsborough.
This was how he pronounced it – hold on, are you sure you would believe me? Well, he must have said it over 7 times. So I heard it right. Wifey was totally at loss, as she was struggling to make sense of the news.
As for me, the photographs of the Hillsborough disaster gave me the clue to the mysterious word.
Okay, I have kept you in suspense enough…..”healing-bo-ro” was how he pronounced “Hillsborough”.
Don’t get me wrong, as Nigerians, we should not be judged by our pronunciations, but come on, you would have thought enough research would have been undertaken by a Television Station to get the correct pronunciation of a supposedly difficult word such as Hillsborough.
Not “Healing-bo-ro” for crying out loud!!
Mercy Update…..
The time is 9.20pm and Mercy is back from her Marathon hair plaiting. Well we ought to thank God that she is back in one piece. After all, she is under our care and that makes us responsible for her. But where on earth did she go to? As to be expected, Wifey is seething. As soon as Mercy arrived and exhibited herself, Wifey dismissed her and did not want to have any conversation at all.
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Trumpet Newspapers (UK)
Even Oprah could not ignore her and Larry King, and the New York Post, the Times of in the UK and the influential Huffington post. She had a telephone interview with Fox News in New York from her four-bedroom council house in the former mining village of Blackburn, West Lothian, where she was born and grew up.
Susan Boyle
She sang live via satellite on the CBS Early Show in the US, She has also appeared on NBC, ABC and Dutch TV and have featured in online newspapers, such as Times online around the world.
Maureen Callahan, a self appointed, controversial-to-be-columnist, really tried to give it a negative spin with her write up titled – Fairytale Ending: Why is no one suspicious of Simon Cowell’s latest creation?
430 comments later, I sincerely believe she would be in a corner ashamed of herself, but then again, I doubt it. Like many self appointed ‘pen-messiah’, she would pick on another topic.
YouTube viewers can not have enough of her. Yesterday, close to 30 million viewers had watched the show-stopping act. The figures have since increased to 36,067,976
a few moments ago.
So what is the Boyle Phenomenon all about? Who is Susan Boyle?
-
She is a 48-year-old-church volunteer and lives alone with her cat called Pebbles.
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She appeared in front of the Maverick Simon Cowell on the reality TV programme ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.
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She lived with her mum ailing mother who encouraged her to take part. Her mother never lived to witness how the world is going gaga over her daughter.
-
Just before she appeared on stage, a lot of people were laughing at her. A lot said unfriendly things towards her.
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People even laughed louder and harder when she said she wanted to be a professional singer in reply to a question.
Then she opened her mouth to sing and then those that were laughing in their comfortable seats began to shift in discomfort. The judges who sneered in disbelief were dumbfounded.
The crowd were no longer laughing in their seats. They mouths were all opened. Some managed to smile, then, like a Mexican wave, it spread.
The ‘Boyle’ Phenomenon was born.
The applause could no longer be held back. People were now up standing and screaming in admiration.
Within seconds, she had converted unbelievers to believers. She had changed the mood in the auditorium. She had given the no hopers hope. Cynicism was relegated.
People were now thanking her for braving the storm of reject. She suddenly became beautiful, not physically, but within.
All this is down to one thing – HER GOD GIVEN TALENT which she kept hidden for 48 years. She deprived the world of it for so long. It was just not fair.
As one person put it, “life has hope again because one lady out of nowhere had a dream”.
She dared the critics to step boldly out into the coliseum of wolves to put her God given talent to test. Just like David did to Goliath those many many years ago.
Read what she said just before she stepped out to sing – “I heard people say things that weren’t very friendly. I knew what they were thinking,” she says. “I saw people laughing and I knew they were laughing at me. But I thought, well, they’ll soon shut up when they hear me sing. And they did. I’ve never thought my voice was outstanding but I’ve always known I was a good singer.”
What is it you are saying to yourself now before you dare the Nay Sayers? Just do it! Go now and do it. For yourself and for showing off God who had invested in you so much talent.
Mr Froggy revisited….
I had a quite word with Fatima yesterday about all the creepy things paying her unsolicited visits. The mystery is that, the room next to hers has been totally free of these ambiguous visitors. So why her? And why not her if I may hasten to add?
Mr Froggy
I asked a little bit about her family background and her parents. This young ambitious girl is from a Muslim polygamous family. She is the first ever Christian in the family and as she pointed out, not many are happy with her faith.
I told her to be steadfast in prayers and “all will be well” (no pun intended).
EYO in Lagos
Oh I so remember those days in Lagos in the very early 80s when my Mum and Soccer (my dad’s nick name – of blessed memory) would buddle us in the car heading to Isale Eko. We were in fact going to my maternal Grandmother’s house located at No. 1, Agarawu street in the heart of Lagos.
I am filled with excitement just at the thought of it. I remember we could not put on our shoes. I also remember all the Lagos Masquerades – Eyo – in white but in distinct designs. It was colourful, glamorous. It was a fun day. I could not put it better than Pelu Awofeso in his Rhapsody in White narration published in 234Next.com. Pelu has brought to life my Eyo experiences.
So the Eyo festival would be coming up this Saturday- 25th April – in Lagos to honour one of his esteemed sons, the prominent Chief T.O.S. Benson of blessed memories.
Eyo
Eyo festival potentially is a money spinner through tourism. It can be liken to the Notting-Hill Carnival in London or the Rio Carnival in Brazil.
I honestly want my children to have an Eyo experience. This festival is not an annual event, which makes it more special. However, the aggression that could be manifested lingers at the back of my mind. I am hoping with the publicity and organisation that has gone into this specific event, it would turn out to be a superb day. We shall see.
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Queue for Fuel
I will not and do not intend to bore you with the fuel scarcity palava that almost, just almost made it possible for me not to come to work today.
A simple ridiculous situation has led to all this inconvenience.
As I know it and understand it, the Lagos state government impounded 27 Oil tankers for violating the law. Rumour also had it that there was a fracas between members of the Lagos State Traffic Management Authority, popularly known as LASTMA and some oil tanker drivers.
The strike which started on Friday was called off yesterday
after negotiations. The N2.7 million fine imposed by the Lagos state government to release the impounded was 27 trucks fined for illegal parking was paid by Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) on behalf of the Federal Government.
So the Petroleum Tanker Drivers (PTD), an arm of the National Union of Petroleum and Natural Gas (NUPENG) agreed to call off the strike, well they said “suspend” the strike. Whatever that means is difficult to interpret.
The effect it had on Nigerians cannot be explained. You all know how dependent the country is on petrol – cars, generators. This snowballed to commercial motorcyclists who immediately took advantage of the situation. There was an automatic price hike. The commercial buses were not to be out done.
The resulting domino effect in Nigeria is classic. All that is required is for it to start. That’s all. In Nigeria, you cannot live in isolation. You may not feel the aftermath almost immediately, but experience you will after a short while. The food price at the market, inability to keep the fridge cold, etc
As it was getting ridiculous to fill up the car, Clement, my driver was completely oblivious of the impending strike. You would have thought as a professional driver, he would have had a sniff of what was to come.
Not my Clement, who needs to be cajoled into everything! The other day, I found him in my pair of shoes (that story is for another day) Oh, you are gobsmacked? If you are, how do you think I felt? I tell you guys, the “audacity of Obama” has become infectious at my end of the woods. Unbelievable!
Anyway, Clement did not have a clue of the impending strike, neither did I, if I may add. But then again, I hardly use the car during the day.
This Saturday past, I was in all day. It was on Sunday on my way to church that I only discovered what was happening. By then, the strike was 3 days old. I had been totally in the dark.
The pin indicating the fuel level was close to going to bed. It was barely awake. Another issue I always have with Clement – “James Bond as he is know by the locals” is that he should always inform me of the position of fuel, especially if it has passed half tank mark. This instruction either makes no sense to him or he has chosen to ignore me. I am yet to find out which is which. It has become such a difficult task for him. So here I was with my car at the mercy of Clement and his ability to satisfy the car’s thirst for fuel.
The challenge was to buy petrol for both the car and the generator. It was not possible for Clement to carry out both tasks because, 1stly, the queues are different and 2ndly, no one can buy for both car and generator.
So I had a brain wave to instruct either Mercy – our house maid or Abass, our security guard to accompany Clement. Wifey, the wise friend I have thought it wise to delegate Abass.
What a wise move. You know why? The pair of them spent what appeared to be an eternity in accomplishing this task. Enough time for Clement and Mercy to date, exchange vows and give birth.
Thankfully, the fruit yielded from the 12 hour wait was the purchase of N6, 500 worth of petrol – 25 litres for the generator and the rest for the car. That was it. It was an outing at the petrol station for both.
This is the other side of Nigeria, but then I could remember my experiences during the famous fuel strike in London in 2000. That was as bad as it was for me yesterday.
Black London
One of the many reasons why I chose to return home preferring not to use the word relocate as it may connote a different reason was exquisitely narrated by a British born Nigerian Peter Akinti in The Guardian published in the UK.
Peter Akinti
I could relate to Peter on many fronts. My close friends would have gotten tired of hearing me tell people that care to listen that the best thing my parents ever did for me apart from giving me the best education was the fact that they got moved me out of the UK to Nigeria at that early age ( I was 4 years old).
I just cannot over emphasise what that singular act had done for my general outlook to life. I had that in mine for my children.
This was what Peter had to say in an excerpt from his debut novel “Forest Gate”:
“I would find out how hard it was soon enough, when, at 19, I tried to find a career for myself. Almost 30 years had passed since my father arrived in Britain, but not so much had changed.”
I would not, I will, recommend you read the Guardian’s article aptly titled “Why London is no place for a young black man”.
Let me know what you make of it, okay?
Happy Earth Day
Mother Earth
Today is the 22nd day of April and this day has been set aside to inspire awareness and appreciation for the Earth’s environment. Today is Earth Day.
This day was founded by U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson as an environmental teach-in in 1970 and is celebrated in many countries every year. This date is Spring in the Northern Hemisphere and Autumn in the Southern Hemisphere.
Disney films latest film ‘Earth’ which is set to boast of world class-nature is released today.
What does this day mean to you and me? On a personal note, I have chosen, even before now, to be more aware of the environment. There is always a repercussion to anything that is done in excess. So while, I will not punch anyone in the face to go green, I will encourage many to keep a close watch on what goes on in the environment around them.
Fortunately, it has not been declared a public holiday and most importantly there will not be parties to celebrate the day.
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“Eko o ni baje 0………”
“And God said, let there be light; and there was light”.
I did not make this up. This reference is in the book of all books – the Holy Bible.
God, the supreme spirit, the maker of all things including the heaven and earth said this…. “Let thy be….” and it came to be.
You have to understand that God Almighty need not have said it, if she did (using ’she’ for convenience sake) not have a reason to. God does not waste words. God Almighty knew when she created us that she would give men this wonderful luxury to command things into existence.
God Almighty in her infinite mercy (I know you are not comfortable with the ‘her’ bit, you better be…) also went further as the master planner that she is to extend the power of men by giving us the free will to formulate words as we so desire and without any restriction of expression. Is that not simply unbelievable? That is just awesome.
Now you all – well I better not assume this- know the story of the Towel of Babel in the book of Genesis chapter 11 in the Bible. The power to speak with one voice was exemplified, and were it not for the motive of men, who knows?
Men with their power to create with words spoke in one language and God Almighty knew what she had created and decided to garble their language. The people were selfish. They only had one thing in mind which was me. me and me. Selfish lot.
You see we all think that what is happening today in the world in general and Nigeria to be specific is new. Nothing is new. Absolutely nothing.
My point exactly is this; what will Nigerians (been specific here) achieve with this ingrained negative nature of forever bad mouthing their own?
I am amazed at how brilliant and eloquent Nigerians can be at pointing out all that is wrong with the country named Nigeria!
Brilliant writers exhibiting their writing prowess all over the internet condemning leaders. Influential columnists on the back pages of national newspapers showing off how competent they are at recollecting the past, the present and the future problems of Nigeria. Party guests gathering around half drunk bottles of wine at elaborate parties, all in high octave voices shouting and screaming, pointing in all directions and jumping up and down – like Prof and Gov who had been promised they would be bought brand new computer games- all in an effort to make negative remarks about Nigeria. How about passengers packed at bus stops. All it takes to spark off a debate is someone who could not curtail it anymore and chose to speak out to the next person standing by. The debate starts and goes on and by the time they had exhausted all the expletives in their vocabulary, they would have succeeded in wearing extra layers of the negative outfit that would attract the positive aura. I think not!
BRF - Governor Fashola
I will not go far to cite the first ever Black American President, Barack Obama as an example, I bet many will echo…there we go again? I will come closer to home.
We have an unusual leader in Nigeria that is making waves. He had been for a while and he continues to be. He leads by example. He talks the talk and walks the walk. He is an example to the citizens of his state. There is enough evidence to suggest that he has the people of his state at heart in all decisions he takes. His lieutenants have no choice but to emulate him. He is not the atypical politician. He was once a chief of staff, so he is who you would call a behind the scene man, but now, he is actually doing it in the full glare of everyone’s scene. In his 2 years in power, he has created enough waves that would bring about a tsunami effect in the transformation of his state. He is a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) that makes him a very educated man. He is married which makes him a relatively responsible man. He is well represented on the internet. He has a FaceBook account; he has his own domain name and personal website. He is also represented on the famous free encyclopaedia –Wikipedia. As at today, there are 12 YouTube videos under his name.
On the 7th of July last year (such a special date – my birthday) published his email address (brfgov@gmail.com) and his full mobile number (080 3430 1122) together with his cabinet members in ‘THISDAY’ national newspaper.
He adopted a slogan for his state Eko oni baje o – which literally means Lagos would not spoil which immediately gets a response –o baje ti – and this it will not and cannot spoil.
He is a young man of 46 years of age, born June 28 1963. He is fondly called BRF and his names are Babatunde Raji Fashola.
Now why would I not spend my precious time writing about this Governor of Lagos State? I have chosen to because he makes me feel good about coming back to Nigeria. He fills me with hope. I feel elated when I hear or read of his plans for Lagosians. Oh, before I forget, I must add that BRF does not use siren with his motor escort in getting about town. How refreshing.
I cannot write enough accolades about this young Nigerian leader, and I know, he is one out of a million. Remember, this is my diary and I have a choice to make myself feel good. Hence, I will write more about the good than the bad. PERIOD.
Eko oni baje o is said prophesied 1000s of times in Lagos, and like magic, the manifestation is there for all to see.
My point again, what you say comes back to hunt. Yes, Nigeria is all that, and so what? The more we all see the bad and aim to do contribute our good, it will spread and in no time begin to impart on the others.
I am just fed up of this fad of writing and speaking ill of Nigeria. We have enough foreigners doing that already and I will never be tired saying the same thing – let us all do our little good for Nigeria sake.
The moral of the story is watch what you say, how you say it and who you say it to. The same goes with what you write.
You can create the energy to turn your dreams into reality by knowing what to say when you talk to yourself. -Shad Helmstetter
BRF, God bless you.
God Bless you the reader.
God bless Africa
God bless Nigeria.
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It’s Friday…
Hello guys, how time passes by. “On a Lighter Note is back this Friday”. Come on let us laugh and have some fun. Remember to pass on this link to many of your loved ones and share in the joy of sharing and laughing. God bless you all. And how about this; “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.“ By Henry Ford
I must not forget to say a BIG thank you to Bayo Dossy and Ola for sending me some of the materials used today. Also Kola Munis is back with part 3 of his ramblings, you will not be disappointed guys… Thanks guys and don’t stop sending them in..
Let the laughter begin here………..
A Yoruba Man
A young Yoruba man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Lagos on a vacation, for two weeks, and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Yoruba man handed over the keys to a new brand BMW 6 series. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Yoruba man produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Yoruba man, for using an $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the BMW into the bank’s underground
garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Yoruba man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a successful business man. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Yoruba man replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks, and pay only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
The bank employees watch as he pulls out of the garage, windows down and
sunroof open. Juju music blasting from his car, as he pulled away.
REST ROOM CHAT
Restroom
Travelling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom,
I stop at a rest area and head to the restroom.
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
“Hi, how are you?”
I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don’t know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
“Doin’ just fine!”
And the other person says:
“So what are you up to?”
What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
“Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
“Can I come over?”
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
“No..I’m a little busy right now!!!”
Then I hear the person say nervously…
“Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
Cell phones, don’t you just love them.
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories..
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
Can I get an AMEN!!
Completely Random & Insignificant Little Things I Just HATE (3)
1. Chipped Nail Varnishers
Women again? Not really.
I have nothing against women. I think they are God’s gift to the planet. But with that comes a ‘responsibility’. To look good. To smell good. To sound good. To feel good. And to…em… (gotta be careful here)… ‘assault the tongue’ positively. No, I don’t mean tongue-lashing. I didn’t say insult, I said assault. Yes, yes, yes. We all know Naija women, as black women, own the world title in that dept, but thats not what we are saying. We are talking about hitting all the senses in a pleasurable way.
Anyway, so when a woman decides to lovingly paint her nails, she is voluntarily carrying out that responsibility. After all, its not by force. Nobody send am. But then, does she now think, ‘Paint Nail’, and that’s it? Maintenance nko? Agreed, we know we have a maintenance problem in Naija, but that pertains to public property. Surely, that culture does not extend to one’s own fingernails does it? No!
I even hear its kind of fashionable nowadays to have chipped nail varnish. In a ‘I-don’t-give-a-whateva’ kind of way, it’s likened to having trendily ripped jeans – which I must confess I have nothing against personally, except when my own jeans start ripping in the nyash area – then I think it’s a bit too much for me anyway. I no dey dat side, abeg. Anyway, I really hate chipped nail varnish on women.
I think it’s so razz.
Something akin to old, threadbare knickers discovered on your first ‘intimate’ date with Miss Divine, because she ‘didn’t know’ that you’d be so, *ahem*… ’successful’ on this particular occasion.
But that might be another story (wink)….
2. Stew Mixers and Dribblers
Didn’t you just hate it when back in the day, mum would start over-enthusiastically mixing in the ‘red stew’ with the rice as she was about to hand the plate of ‘rice and stew’ over to you? As if you couldn’t carry the spoon to do your own ‘customised’ mixing yourself – that is if mixing was even your thing. I just hated that, with a capital H. I still see mothers doing it to their children’s rice and stew. The looks of despair on the poor children’s faces bring back suicidal memories of my own. They mean well, but mehn, it used to drive me nuts…and you couldn’t even dream of suggesting to them to ‘keep it neat’. Are you mad?
An alternative to that was when they would actually serve you the stew ‘live’ from the hotpot in the kitchen. Nice, neat mound ofperfect white rice held up by one’s little self in humble offering, and instead of Mom to just neatly place the spoonful of stew in the middle, crowned with the juicy piece of meat dead-centre to complete the perfect work of art, she would now practise her own not-so-artistic skills by dribbling the damn stew all over the rice, as if na decoration. Oh god!
And why do we call it ‘piece of meat’ sef? Meat is meat. Which one is ‘piece’ again? Anyway, that’s another little thing I just hate. Dribbling, Mixing Mothers…..to be continued…
“Laughter is higher than all pain” – Elbert Hubbard
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Eyo in full regalia
Eyo festival was on Saturday 25th April. What can I say?
Yes, I was there and I will tell you all about it in a minute. But before I do, let me take care of Sunday Nuggets, my summary of what I picked up from Gilgal Parish VGC of Redeem Christian Church, of which Pastor Emeka Nwankwo is the young and inspirational Pastor. This man never ceases to amaze me. God is surely a master planner. God is using this man to spiritually uplift my family and I in ways words cannot describe. Just like my friend and Pastor, Akin Laosun, he is so down to earth, always making fun of himself whilst citing examples that immediately drive home his points.
Take Sunday for instance, uncharacteristically, he made an announcement for an offering towards the building fund – this was two Sundays ago. Yesterday, he got up, with courtesy, took the microphone from the minister who was taking the offering to make an announcement – that could easily have been misconstrued – about the building fund offering collected the previous Sunday. It was a miserly N4,000 of which he made a donation of N1,ooo he said. He went on to say that he found it unbelievable that the church’s total contribution could be N3, 000, which would have worked out at possibly between N30 – N50 per person. Everyone laughed and got his point which was to give heartily and not kid God Almighty.
What I love about the style of this man of God is the manner in which he reaches out to the church. He is a down to earth Pastor who does not mind to get his hands dirty. He is a man of God who leads from the front and I have no doubt in my mind that God is already using him powerfully to touch so many people.
Sunday Nuggets
Pastor Roland Bull took yesterday’s service with the title Divine Expectations and Covenant Responsibilities. He talked about how we were born a sinner and how God in his infinite mercy sacrificed Jesus so that we may have access to God. And this is why those who are born again differ in views from those that are not. I also got something new from him which was it is only our spirits that are born again and not our minds, hence the reasons why we need to daily renew our minds with the words of God as well as confess our sins (1st John 7). He went on to say that we are never too clean for the blood of Jesus. Giving thanks to God Almighty in spite of all challenges is another point he touched on.
I can relate to this point. Simply put, now is the time to praise him if you are without your heart’s desire. It will be superficial praising God after you have in your possession to your contentment your requests. Do you get my point? Also, in all that we do, God in us must always increase while the flesh must decrease.
Finally, Pastor Roland made the perfect point of entering into partnership with the Holy Spirit in all our endeavours. This option has always been there and we ought to take advantage of it.
Eyo
Eyo is otherwise known as Adamu Orisa play and is used for funeral ceremonies. It is done and observed to honour the demise of an Oba, a Chief or a notable Lagosian who has contributed immensely to the development of Lagos.
I will not bore you with the history of Eyo. I was really in two minds whether to attend or not. With the festival not been an annual event, I was not sure if I would have an opportunity to take my children to witness this Lagos cultural event. Also, I was mindful of the threats of violence. I am glad I took the children.
I had told wifey we would go Eyo sightseeing. And as it was customary in my household, never tell the boys of your plans. Mistakes made in the past cost us our precious sleep. Prof, the older of the boys, who rarely takes siesta and mops up every second in the day active either playing or teasing his brother and sister would make it his duty to wake us all up very early in the morning to remind us of the trip or planned event at hand. It was a mistake we vowed never to repeat.
A view of Lagos Island from Tafawa Balewa Square (TBS)
So on this occasion, wifey and I kept it close to our combined chests. The only clue I let out was to inform the boys they had to go to bed earlier than the usual late Friday because of a surprise the next day. Mistake or what?
Prof was up at around past 6am with his sleepy brother staggering behind. Wifey and I took a glance at them and knew another lesson has been learnt. We took advantage of their early rise and got everyone ready for the day. As I tap away, “Where are we going?” is still ringing in my ears. We kept in touch with their cousin Toyole who was also to have her first Eyo experience.
We were at TBS (Tafawa Balewa Square) for 10am and the place was already heaving. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Oh, I forgot to mention that during daughter’s quest to find out exactly where we were going, upon wifey’s suggestion to pack a pair of socks as shoes were not to be worn, she smiled, that is wifey and exclaimed with excitement that she knew where we were all going – “BOWLING” she said!!
As it was to commemorate a distinguished Lagosian, this Eyo festival was dedicated to the flamboyant politician, and Nigeria’s first Minister of Information, Broadcasting and Culture Otunba Theophilus
Otunba Theophilus Owolabi Shobowale Benson
Owolabi Shobowale Benson (SAN) popularly known as TOS Benson who died on 13th February 2008. The Ikorodu, Lagos State-born lawyer, was, like his kinsman, the late Chief Adeniran Ogunsanya, an associate of the late first Nigerian President, Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe. I have been informed that it is not a cheap affair to put together an Eyo event. And from what we saw, a lot of money and planning had gone into this year’s occasion.
Eyo Rules
Right from embarking from the car, I had to ask of the protocol as there were rules that had to be adhered to. Were we free to put on shoes to the venue or not? As our excitement was interwoven with nerves.
Eyo in full flow
The rules of Eyo include the following;
- No one should make use of an umbrella on the date of the Adamu Orisha play
- No one should ride a motorcycle, tricyle in between the Eyo procession
- No one is allowed to smoke cigarette around or within the vicinity of the Eyo masquerade
- Only the chiefs are permitted to put on a cap, all other individuals either male or female must not put on a cap.
- No one should put on shoes or slippers
- The females must not wear the “shuku” hairstyle.
All tension soon became a thing of the past as we walked peacefully into the arena. Right from the entrance, you could feel the buzz of excitement. That was when I realised I was glad to have brought the family. Wifey said, if she had known it was that setup, she would have made a picnic out of the day.
There were lots of opportunities to sample Lagos dishes with several catering camps on display. I later learnt that food was free for those that were fortunate to have vouchers. Earlier, we had noticed several buses filled with people; again that was a free trip, courtesy of the Lagos State government.
The day was peaceful. I was really glad about that. The crowd was patient except for the over exuberant photographers who crowded the Masquerades as well as Governor Fashola who proved on Saturday afternoon that he is the darling of Lagosians and an extremely popular leader. His arrival generated hysteria in the crowd. A pleasant one at that. He was in a specially made Eyo regalia accompanied by some of his cabinet members. He was one of them. He was hailed. At that moment, I noticed the goose pimples that had covered my arms. I was elated to see a young Nigerian servant, a true leader of the people. This was no politician. He is a proper Lagosian who knows what makes Lagos tick.
“Eko Oni Baje” tour Bus
Eko Oni Baje Tour Bus
He took the occasion to introduce the “Eko Oni Baje” tour bus similar to the London tour bus, another landmark for his tenure as the governor.
All in all, we left the arena at around 2pm, 4 hours having an unforgettable day of our lives. My mum called to tell me that as far she can remember this would probably go down as the best ever witnessed in the history of the festival. It was broadcast live on with millions of viewers tuned in.
Scores
- Organisation:
7/10
- Crowd control:
8/10
- Attendance:
9/10
- Eyo:
9/10
- Publicity:
9/10
- Orderliness:
9/10
- Fun:
9/10
-
Play of the day: The emergence of Governor Fashola in Eyo outfit walking round the arena, waving to the jubilant crowd. This was closely shared by the ever so popular Fuji maestro K1 the Ultimate (KWAM1 – King Wasiu Ayinde Marshal 1) when he came on the podium as the official musician for the occasion. The crowd were on their feet, akin to fans of Michael Jackson singing along to an Eyo rendition which K1 had recorded.
Excited crowd
I must say that it would be the first I had ever heard this song, however, the atmosphere, the mood of the excited crowd coupled with the fact that this guy – KI – was rapping this Eyo incantation for almost 7 minutes and by then, the crowd had lost it. I sat glued to my seat, with a proud smile, watching wifey with arms in the air, Gov break dancing, Prof, for a change was still and daughter smiling admiring the beauty of Lagos culture. I can tell you that my children will never in their lives forget this occasion and I thank Governor Fashola for making this happen. I will also mention Glo, the Nigerian Telecommunication company who were the official sponsors. It was a superb experience.
More Eyo Photographs to savour at JideSaluImages
God Bless Governor Fashola
God Bless you the reader
God bless Africa
God bless Nigeria.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Trumpet Newspapers (UK)
“Wondering mind or mind wondering?
What came to mind a few minutes ago as I am yet to fill my diary today is to compile snippets of events that had occurred and are yet to be documented as well as thoughts and ideas as they wonder or travel through my mind? I thought, hhmmnn, that should be interesting…well let us see
- There is nothing that cannot be achieved if you set your mind to it.
- Was discussing with daughter and wifey last night how I read the ‘Power of Positive thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale so many years ago and how it completely changed the way I view my world.
- So daughter has started reading ‘Chicken Soup for the soul’ by Jack Canfield. I bought this book in 1996 and it also made an impression on me.
- I am currently reading ‘Jesus, CEO’ by Laurie Beth Jones given to me by FB (my mentor). I find this book very, very fascinating.
- Prof and Gov have been so hyper these past few days. Is it me or what? They never seem to get tired. However, once their heads hit the pillows, off they go. I always like to look at the both of them when they are fast asleep. Always the best time to pray for them and thank God for the opportunity to take care of them on his (God’s) behalf.
- I am really enjoying church. The honest truth is that I never thought I would attend a Pentecostal church in Nigeria. However, you all know God has a marvellous sense of humour. Here I am, getting all spiritually filled up at a Redeem Church of Gilgal Parish with Pastor Emeka Nwankwo as the Pastor. I just like the way this man preaches, how he uses himself as examples. I like his simplicity to life. I have a lot of time for him, basically. Wifey is just on top of the moon, I must say. Daughter really likes it, especially the music and the boys are having a ball. Thank God for his direction towards this church.
- Mercy, our house help…hmmmn, what can I add to all that has been reported on this young lady? This past Sunday at church, the pastor requested those looking for blessings of the fruit of the womb to come forward to be prayed for. All I noticed was Mercy was right in front with others. Wifey and I took a quick glance at each other. Not to be distracted, I immediately digested it and excreted all negative thoughts. On getting home, wifey and I then gave it more thoughts. What on earth is happening? Fruit of the womb for Mercy? Now? When? Is she married? Does she have a boyfriend? A steady one? (Remember I told you these are snippets of my mind). Possibly she is praying in advance or standing in for someone dear to her? Whatever the case may be though, MERCY IS ONE VERY AUDACIOUS young lady.
- Last night, Mercy up to say good night to wifey. Do you know what she did? She waved, like daughter would have. Yes, she did! Believe me! Wifey, such a sharp witted lady she is, looked on. Gave her what appeared to be a ‘mother of all stares’ before Mercy relinquished her ‘Obama audacity’ to inform Wifey she was going to bed.
- Wifey looked on and waved her on.
- Wifey and I just could not believe what had happened and laughed our heads off. We just could not stop laughing. Wifey vowed she would ‘clip her wings’ immediately.
- Very soon, I will be able to tell you about a gigantic project the company I work with has embarked upon. It is set to….well I better not beat the gun. Trust me you will get to know….
- I am concerned at the length our Politicians fight just to serve the people. Take Ekiti State for instance. Why is there so much violence? Why is it a political boiling point for the South West of Nigeria? How so much I admire this young and intelligent man in the Fashola mode – Kayode Fayemi whose only apparent sin is to want to serve his people? There was a re-election on Saturday in the state and the results as I tap away are yet to be released. What is happening?
- I was reliably informed by a close friend that some top company officials in the country who happen to be of foreign nationality are having arranged marriages done in order to regularise their ’stay’ in Nigeria. Now, now, now!!! Doesn’t that say something?
-
JideSaluImages – Eyo pics
God Bless you the reader
God bless Africa
God bless Nigeria.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Trumpet Newspapers (UK)
Mrs. Ayoka Adebayo’s and her Historic Resignation Letter
Yesterday morning, Mrs. Ayoka Adebayo the Resident Electoral Commissioner (REC) of INEC in Ekiti state, astounded Nigerians as she tendered her letter of resignation in Abuja.
Her historic 103 worded historic letter informs the world that Nigeria is, albeit slowly, moving in the right direction. Mrs Adebayo will go down in history as the first government official to resign based on her principles and beliefs. Going into reasons as to why she did it is irrelevant to me. She resigned and that is all we should focus on. Correct me if I am wrong. She is the first government official to resign from power. If you know of any, kindly let me know.
Such Nigerians should be commended and applauded and not vilified.
A similar action taken by a government official elsewhere in the world would have attracted positive remarks which would have catapulted Mrs Ayoka Adebayo as a heroine, instead, I am yet to read of this report either from the BBC or CNN websites. Surprised? Not at all!.
Instead, from the BBC website, they has a rather unglamorous article which is the first in the series of “On Patrol with the Nigeria Police”. Of course, would you ever believe this would be complimentary? This is the danger that the foreign press are to those in the Diaspora. Headlines such as “Blood oil dripping from Nigeria, Fresh start for oil activists, Jungle justice and Nigerian Soldiers jailed for life” are more attractive to the rest of the world. CNN did not fare better in terms of their news reports. The only notable by lines (not headlines) were “Italian cruise ship thwarts pirate attack and ANC scores landslide win in South Africa” Nothing on the Mrs Adebayo’s resignation.
Here is the historic letter of resignation.
'Historic' Resignation Letter of Mrs Ayoka Adebayo
“Still wondering…the mind never stops.
The past few days, my mind has been busy pondering on so many things. My mentor FB always tell me that one of the problems with Nigerians is that we do not spend enough time thinking. I agree with him.
Thoughts are incredible forces that the majority of people have relegated to the background. If you look around you, all the inanimate objects were once thoughts. If the inventors, the Bill Gates, the Michael Dell and co were lazy in their thinking, we might still have had these equipments, but then it would be by different entrepreneurs.
As you arise from your slumber, the mind is bombarded with thoughts. That is the role of this ‘micro planet’ where all these thoughts, like stars co habit. In the case of stars, they are permanent, with thoughts, they come in a flurry and move on. Bright ideas, very bright ideas may have passed you by without taking notice, for you will not recognise what you are not looking for. Anyway, more on “thoughts” later.
More Wondering thoughts….
- My house help Mercy who stood up to be prayed for in church on Sunday for the fruit on the womb told wifey that “she was only obeying her spirit”. As soon as wifey told me, I thought “who are we to argue”? Wifey thought to probe further by asking if she knew what the “fruit of the womb” meant? Mercy looking puzzled said she did not. Wifey then took it upon herself to explain to Mercy’s ignorance. She was genuinely shocked.
- What could be the problem again? Long queues forming at the petrol stations. Another misery as a result of someone’s thought (someone’s idea).
- This Swine flu thing! This is so scary!! Deaths recorded in Mexico and spreading around the world. Surprised, it hasn’t been linked to Africa yet?
- Can you believe it? Obama has already spent 100 days in office as the President of United States of America. How time really does fly as these photographs try to capture his time spent in office thus far. His diary – the first 100 days in office was also documented for the posterity to judge.
“Visithoughts”
The challenge in our lives is to bath the invisibles. To have a thought, which is, just a mere thought. The thought is still in an invisible state.
If care is not taken, with the speed of the mind, another thought will take its place.
The thought held in captivity is given a little attention. If held onto for longer than others, it will begin to derive a life of its own. So this invisible thought begins to take a life of its own. The thought becomes alive. If you can see it in the mind, then it has a greater chance of seeing it in the physical.
This is a law of the universe. Anything that happens in the spirit and intense attention is accorded will give bath in the physical.
So what is the challenge?
Firstly, as easy as it appears, as easy as God has made it, so many people find it extremely difficult to conquer the fear of the unknown. So many thoughts compete with the mind. Incredible thoughts that most minds would discard without a thought. Impossible the untrained mind would say! And without realising, another opportunity is passed on. These visiting thoughts would pick on another micro planet and attempt to reside, and if permission is granted, the journey from being invisible to ‘animation’ would have commenced.
All great composers, inventors, athletes or architects have mastered one thing. That thing is the ability to capture a fleeting thought. This thought is pondered upon longer than all other thoughts in the mind – Similar to any expert who spends more time doing one task. The invisible gradually becomes visible.
A man is his thoughts. You are made up of your thoughts.
Take a look at Bill Gates or Richard Branson or that person you so much admire. Listen up. What all these guys did was to hold on to a thought with passion for a longer period with daily activities.
This invisible thought, like an individual sperm to the naked eye, gradually grows in the mind similar to how the sperm grows in the womb. Months of focus, consistency, persistency and daily activity yields a model, just like the bump of a pregnant woman.
As the pregnant woman becomes heavy with each passing day, you become heavy with your thought. As the pregnancy brings about discomfort, your thought which is now visible to you by virtue of your daily input brings about some discomfort.
After 9 months of caring, feeding, attending antenatal clinics, preparing for the birth, shopping, room decoration, baby names, sleepless nights and all other pre-birth ceremonies, never did the mother ever considered aborting. So why give up on your idea?
The amazing thing is that the successful entrepreneurs we read about are not super human. They are just not used to giving up. It is what the majority do. Give up! You and I can be more persistent. Stubborn and selfish with our thoughts. Success or failure is derived from habits.
Ask yourself this question! “What is my habit once I get an idea”? If you can identify your habit of action once an idea is conceived then you have your finger on how a thought can be nurtured.
The habit of Donald Trump has yielded billions of Dollars so have Warren Buffet and Richard Branson. They learnt to pass the threshold of pain, disappointment and anxiety.
They have mastered the act to start and finish in spite of visitinn obstacles. Remember a man called Judas? We all do. Even Jesus Christ had to contend with him, how much more me and you!
My tips would be to;
- Watch what you read.
- Watch what you look at
- Watch who you interact with and associate with those who will make your baby jump (encouragers)
- Avoid toxic conversations
- Eject or excrete thoughts that will not move you onto the next level
- Embrace thoughts that will excite you. Thoughts that will benefit others.
- Ponder on the thoughts with the right attitude(the poor are lazy thinkers)
- Ponder more on that particular thought that excited you. Who says the carrier must be someone else.
- It is your thought, your copy right. No one else can take it from you if you are passionate about it enough. Bill Gates held on to the Microsoft thought long enough, so did Richard Branson who thought a name such as ‘Virgin’ would be such a nice idea.
I will leave you with these 7 quotes;
- The ancestor of every action is thought – Ralph Waldo Emerson
- What you believe yourself to be, you are.
- A man’s thoughts make or break him.
- There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
- We become what we contemplate – George Russell
- If you do not follow your own thoughts, then you will follow the thoughts of the followed his
- Jesus said, “If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.” Mark 9:23 (The Message)
So guys, if there is anything you will take away from JSD (JideSaluDiary) today, let it be this that your destiny, with God’s cooperation, is in your hands. Every thought or idea that you hold dearly onto and want a physical manifestation is possible. Think about it. Have a safe journey.
JideSaluImages – Eyo pics
God Bless you the reader
God bless Africa
God bless Nigeria.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Trumpet Newspapers (UK)
I must not forget to say a BIG thank you to Dele Adenaike, Wayne Mansfield and Kola Munis for adding to today’s materials. The conclusion to Kola Munis’s Completely Random & Insignificant Little Things I Just HATE (3) is alos featured today…not too be missed.
Today is Worker’s day and a Public Holiday. Have a fabulous weekend and thank you for being a part of JSD.
Let the laughter begin here………..
Can you believe it?
Lottery winner and his lucky companion
This guy wins $181 million in the lottery on a Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.
Talk about LUCK!!!!
Man and his best friend……..
Man and his best friend
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’
‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered. ‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up. ‘The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveller asked.
‘I’m sorry; sir, but we don’t accept pets.’
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading thr ough a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’
‘How about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.
‘There should be a bowl by the pump.’
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
‘What do you call this place?’ the traveller asked.
‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.
‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveller said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’
‘Oh, you mean the place with the Gold Street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’
‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’
‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’
Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
Continuation Kola Munis’s Completely Random & Insignificant Little Things I Just HATE (3)
3. ‘Ogbono-In-The-Office’
More serious food issues here.
‘Ogbono’soup is not actually native to my part of the country, but I love it. From where I’m from, they call it ‘Apon’. It is sloppily mixed into the so-called ‘red’ (tomato) stew. O tan. Finish. I call it the ‘ lazy man’s ogbono’. I learnt to cook ogbono in my NYSC days up north in Kaduna when my housemate’s girlfriend Cecelia used to travel all the way up from Owerri to cook it for her guy. She taught me the basics and within weeks I was outshining even her. Poor girl, she soon after got sacked, and whether just a mere coincidence or not, I’ve kind of blamed myself for Cecelia’s abrupt dislocation ever since. So you see, I love this stuff, but that’s not the point….
I never thought about this in Nigeria, maybe because we have nice, large, open buildings, or plenty of breeze, or no NEPA for microwaving (haha!), or whatever. Maybe our noses are well-acclimatized even. And someone suggested that we suffer from poorly ‘cleaned’ meats here, and that might be the reason. I dunno. But here in London its a different kettle of fish (forgive the pun) and I’ve developed a slight problem with ogbono soup. I’m actually really peeved – not to say very embarrassed – by my fellow countrymen who stink up the whole damn office at lunchtime by insisting on microwaving their ogbono, stockfish, ‘oku-eko’ fish, shaki and all those our Naija delicacies in the name of ’stomachracy’. Now just how do you argue with a flag-waving, poundo-loving Nigerian that some of our food is just not designed to be heated up in the small confines of the oyibo tea-break room? How do you convince a Nigerian that the mouth-watering smell of ogbono soup actually…er…stinks?
Has anyone ever noticed how olefactorily offensive shaki and panla (stockfish) can be? Not to mention the nauseating stench of ‘oku-eko’ or even ’titus’ fish. I don’t know whether it is the cramped design of buildings here or what, but I never knew some of our food had such powerfully offensive smells until I got to this country. I love the smell of boiling shaki, or stockfish or bokoto (cow-foot). I revel in the heavenly smells of freshly prepared ogbono orefo-riro, or edikaikon soups about to be served. But just like one can gain new insights or perceptions by looking at an image thru another person’s eyes, so too did I suddenly, and to my great shock, gain insight into this very offensive smell given off by heating shaki and panla-laden ogbono soup by smelling it thru another man’s Scottish nose…
This incident first happened a few years ago, when strolling down the corridor at work with a colleague of mine. He suddenly stopped, and, looking up and all around him, began to sniff at the air.
To no-one in particular, he asked quite casually, ‘Whats that smell? It smells like shit’.
‘Yeah…true’ I verily agreed, brow furrowed in righteous indignation. ’Is there a dairy farm nearby?’ I wondered aloud, equally baffled. Suddenly, my nose (or my brain, or both) auto-clicked into ‘Naija mode’ and I realised to my great horror that it was the familiar smell of my beloved ogbono soup. My immediate reaction was to say nothing of course. Make I no come implicate myself after talking shit, so to speak. My colleague and I slowly traced the smell to the office mini-kitchen and there and behold, in all her glory was our Naija domestic, blissfully battling with a large, juicy chunk of ogbonofied chicken from an even larger dish of microwaved ’semo’ and soup. She quite literally had her hands – and her mouth – full.
‘Come and eat’ she eventually managed to mumble invitingly, after freeing her gnawing teeth from the stubborn ligaments and sinews of the chicken leg, an embarassed, self-conscious half-smile on her face.
‘Ha-ha!’ was my Scottish colleague’s oddly incongruous response. I’m not sure what exactly he meant by ‘ha-ha!’, but I guess he was being PC, or just didn’t understand the cultural context of inviting someone to join you in eating when most of the time you really have absolutely no intention of sharing your last and most treasured piece of chicken, as was obviously the case here. But I suspect he was really thinking something like‘What? That shit?’ when invited. Or maybe that was just me sha.
My point is, I am a Nigerian patriot and I will argue for any Nigerian’s fundamental human right to eat. But when that right impinges on my right not to walk around smelling like I’m wearing some new ’Di Stenchy’ or ‘Fish de Chanel’ cologne, I’m sorry I just have to draw the soup line.
Do you guys get my predicament here? Or am I simply being unreasonable?
Shett.
4. ‘MyLooSpace’ Invaders
This is the unfortunate and inevitable outcome of either spending too long reading in the squeaky-clean loo (which has always been a habit of mine, I must confess), or just the embarrassing coincidence of someone needing to use the loo sharp-sharp while you’re still in there yourself. My problem is that I am a black man with a big appetite for beef and ‘assorted’ (see above, re ‘ogbono soup’). So my business doesn’t exactly smell of roses, if you know wharramean. Never has.
So when I’m in that sacred space, I don’t want anyone in there for at least another, say, 15 minutes or even more sef. The longer the better. What’s more, ideally, I’d like to exit that loo completely unannounced, unnoticed and unidentified, so that, ’shoul-in-case’ someone does have to dash in there before the 15 minute prohibition, I will not be held responsible for any eventualities, illness or foul impressions created. Furthermore, I’d better warn now that I will not take kindly to being the target of any verbal or physical abuse from sensorially- assaulted toilet users.
I can’t stop eating my ‘assorted’ just because of that.
Or what do you guys think?
Shett mehn, I’m houtta-here.
XX
PS. Oh I forgot. There’s still another thing I hate…
No vex.
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Trumpet Newspapers (UK)
“And on the 6th day……”
As wifey’s email came through, all sorts of thoughts came gushing through my mind. She has had to cope with so much sacrificing and running the house. By the time I get home, all I see is some semblance of normalcy after a very hard day. I kid you not, a wifey, a very good one is worth a lot to a man and I am ever so grateful I have one in wifey.
Another text to inform me “….and by the way, there is light…” arrived without any fanfare. The fridge which had been thoroughly washed as a result of an enforced defrost can now kick back to action for a few more hours.
The artificial fuel scarcity is unrelenting. There are still long queues. Why? We really could not tell.
Hummer Jeep
This has not prevented the owner of a Hummer jeep who having driven and spoken to a petrol station attendant filled up his tank with 50 litres and consequently paid N50, 000 in exchange. That works out at N1, 000 per litre, £4 per litre. What do you think? I know, it is more than crazy, but this is how it goes in Nigeria.
This is a nation that produces oil, yet, we cannot produce enough fuel to go round its citizens, except to a privileged few.
This is Nigeria. A land where opportunities stare you in the face closely followed by blatant reasons suggesting you dare not attempt to take up these prospects.
Electricity was provided for a few hours only for the generator engineers to come up with concocted stories why the generator will not function to its optimum.
Slow and steady will get us all there. It took the Europeans time, and the Americans as well.
Yes, I know, they have gone ahead of us for us to learn from their mistakes. Yes, I know all that.
Having said all that, it’s the chuff-chuff of the locomotive that takes a train to its destination and the tap-tap of the hammer that slowly drives a nail into its place.
This same principle will get Nigeria – the supposed ‘giant’ in the continent of Africa – to its rightful position in the world.
God bless you all.
God Bless Nigeria
God Bless Africa
View Jide Salu Images
Publicity by http://alphainventions.com
Trumpet Newspapers (UK)
….as Nigeria surpasses Hollywood as world’s second largest film producer says the UN.
Hi Guys,
Who says people do not care. I did not post yesterday’s comments to solicit sympathy, but I was quite surprised by the few comments that came in urging me on. I am so grateful to LUSCIOUSRON, BLOGORATTI, MY, QMONEY and NO LIMIT. Thank you so much guys. I was not really expecting this. Thanks anyway.
I would also pass on all your encouragements to wifey, she needs them.
In the mean time enjoy the news I came across on NOLLYWOOD. Something to be proud of. Some international good news on Nigeria for a change. However, I will be the first to say that there is much improvement to be made in the film industry.
Enjoy………
Nollywood Poster
UNITED NATIONS, May 6 — The Nigerian film industry has overtaken Hollywood and closed the gap on India, the global leader in the number of movies produced each year, according to a new United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) report released Tuesday.
According to the Paris-based UNESCO Institute for Statistics (UIS) survey, Bollywood, as the Mumbai-based film industry is known “produced 1,091 feature-length films in 2006.
In comparison, Nigeria’s moviemakers, commonly known as Nollywood, came out with 872 productions all in video format while the United States produced 485 major films. Film and video production are shining examples of how cultural industries, as vehicles of identity, values and meanings, can open the door to dialogue and understanding between peoples, but also to economic growth and development,” said UNESCO Director-General Kochiro Matsuura.
This new data on film and video production provides yet more proof of the need to rethink the place of culture on the international political agenda,he added.
The three cinema heavyweights were followed by eight countries that produced more than 100 films:
Japan (417), China (330), France (203), Germany (174), Spain (150), Italy (116), South Korea (110) and the United Kingdom (104).
Key to Nollywood’s explosive success is Nigerian filmmakers’ reliance on video instead of film, reducing production costs, and, as the survey points out, the West African country has virtually no formal cinemas, with about 99 percent of screenings in informal settings, such as home theatres.
The survey also revealed that about 56 percent of Nollywood films are made in local languages, while English remains a prominent language, accounting for 44 percent, which may contribute to Nigeria’s success in exporting its films.
According to the study, US movies continue to dominate cinema admissions around the world, and all of the top ten films seen in Australia, Bulgaria Canada, Costa Rica, Namibia, Romania, and Slovenia were US made. (PNA/APP)
Make sure you come back for a PICTORIAL SPECIAL tomorrow…you would have a good laugh I promise.
See you all and take care.
Http://alphainventions.com
Hello guys, it’s Friday and I have a special for you. Before I give you my treat, could I take this opportunity to say more thank you to the following people Bayo Dossy, Gerard and Layo for all your words of encouragement.
Guys, words are ever so powerful. I remind myself of the luck I have that God Almighty has endowed me with the ability to know how to string a few words together which will make sense and hit home to a lot more people than I ever would imagine.
My post “Taking a Breather” was received by many of you. You felt my pain and frustrations. You know (I hope by now) my passion for my dear country and I keep reminding you how talented and gifted and rich in resources of all manner Nigeria is, YET……
As human, there will be ups and downs and I owe it to you to let you all be aware of my lows aswell ( very un-nigerian).
Hey guys, it is Friday, have a GREAT LAUGH on me, but before you do, let me end with the Prayers said by George MacDonald, read what he had to say to God:
Lord, might I be but as a saw,
A plane, a chisel, in thy hand,
No, Lord! I take it back in awe;
Such prayer for me is far too grand.
I pray thee, rather let me lie,
As on thy bench the favoured wood;
Thy saw, thy plane, thy chisel ply,
And work me into something good.
Now get ready to laugh……
Pool Painters?What on earth is going on here? These guys just can not be real! Why not a ladder for crying out loud?
Breaking News -Special treat indeed!
Road Sign? -Believe it or not, this is a road sign, in what language though I hasten to ask?
Traffic light? -Now what do you say to this hehn? This is a case of chicken before the egg or egg before the chicken? What on earth is going on?
Football fans?Never mind the car, it will only break into two.
An AmbulanceNow this is serious stuff. For creativity, you can not fault the hospital or clinic. However, what on earth would happen in case of an emergency? I guess the whip is handy when the 'driver' needs to increase speed.
Hmmmnnn!!!Now what more can I say? Guys, I need a name for this latest invention. Serious guys, let me have your suggestions.
Toyota....Watch out: "The Car In Front of You is a Cow" More of a Toyota Cowrolla.What a view though!
Walk-radio -How about a Work-Radio instead of a walkman? Can you imagine the weight you have to bare to listen to music or the news? Small price to pay hehn? Ingenious or stupidity?
Okay guys….what do you think? Come on what is happening to these ladies? Afrobabe, do not even go there? Bumighty, how about you? Bayo Dossy, my man? Gerard, any guesses? How about you Blogoratti, LuciousRon, Qmoney? Snatch, Bobby Settin, Dr Kola…I can all read your minds..No Limit, I know there will not be any limit to your guesses? Layo and you? Any deep guess? O’dee, SSD, Temite, LG, Katee, Joicee, Gee…how about you guys? Anyway you are all WRONG they were
about to sNeeZ
Come on make a friend laugh as much as you have by sending a link of http://www.jidesalu.com
Have a great weekend guys and God bless
How blissful can it be when everything works and by everything, I mean the small necessities of life such as electricity. I, I mean we, the family, any sane person, gets a buzz, a sort of renewed vigour, when electricity is reconnected. It is amazing what it does to the psyche. You guys out there not having to experience this inconvenience will never understand the sort of rush in adrenalin. I could describe it as the kind of feeling you may get having found a misplaced precious item. Get the feeling now? I doubt it….lol
So it has been blissful over the weekend. As I tap away on the keyboard, Bob Marley and the Wailers have just joined me singing “No Woman, No Cry”. To put this temporary un-interruption of electricity into some context, consider the fact that wifey and I have enjoyed listening to Coldplay’s “Parachutes”, followed by Asa’s “asha”, then Sade’s “love deluxe” album and now Bob Marley and the Wailers’s “Legend”. I intend to listen to frank Sinatra’s “Duets” after Bob, stretching it, ain’t I ? To top it all, the boys had danced and sweated to Chris Brown’s for quite a while. Now this is what I call BLISSFUL. That is almost 5 hours of electricity without the bombardment of generator noise. Long may it continue!
Bob is now singing “…don’t worry, everything is going to be alright“ from the “three little birds” track in the background, and I am busy smiling and nodding my head in agreement. Sing on Bob, I believe you.
Still on the blissful theme, wifey and I had a fantastic time at church.