On A Lighter Note …..Volume 28

If you are checking out this site for the first time, then you are in for a treat. It’s Friday, and over here on JSD, we chill out and have a good laugh. Enjoy this post, the 28^th in this category. You can take this opportunity to read past editions in this category. Let me know what you think, ok. Thank you for stopping by and do have a good laugh.

God bless.

Soorryy for the interruption……

An Affair with an Italian Woman

For several years, a married man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

‘Honey,’ she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:

‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,

One with meatballs, two without.

‘SEND EXTRA SAUCE.

The War is Over…

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rome in Italy, went
to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said:
“Father ….. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from
the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
need to confess that.

“There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual
favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays.

The priest said, “That was …a very long time ago …!…and by doing
what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. but two people
= under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the
flesh. = However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are
indeed forgiven.

“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one more
question.”

“And what is that?” asked the priest.

“Should I tell her the war is over?’

Test instructions for Dementia.

Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let’s find out just how clever you really are….

Ready?

GO!!! (off you go) > > > > > >   > >

• First Question: You are participating in a race.. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? > > >   > > >   > >   > >   > > > >   > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > >   > >
  
• Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
  
• If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
  

  Try not to screw up next time (you know what I mean).
  

  Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?
  

• Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
  

  (off you go again) > > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > >   > >
  

  • Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
    

    Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?
    

    > > > > >   > > You’re not very good at this, are you?
    

    > > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > >
    

• Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic!
  

  Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
  

  Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
  

  Now add another 1000.
  

  Now add 30. Add another 1000.
  

  Now add 20.
  

  Now add another 1000.
  

  Now add 10.
  

  What is the total?
  

  > > > > >   > > You better not mess up with this simple arithmetic. You better not, I have warned you!!
  

  Now check out the answer……
  

  > > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > > >   > > Did you get 5000?
  

  • The correct answer is actually 4100.
    

    > > > > >   > > If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!
    

    I know it’s Friday (well is it? It is today for me, I don’t know about you)Today is definitely not your day, is it?
    

    Ok your last chance.
    

    Maybe you’ll get this last question right. The easiest of the lot…
    

• Fourth Question: Mary’s father has five daughters:
  

  1. Nana
  

  2. Nene
  

  3. Nini
  

  4. Nono.
  

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

> > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > >

Did you answer Nunu?

NO! Of course it isn’t.

• Her name is Mary.
  

Read the question again!

> > > >   > > Okay, now the bonus round:

> > > A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

> > > Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

> > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > > >   > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > > >   > > > >

• He just has to open his mouth and ask……(that’s the answer)
  

How about that?

How did you do?

Why not pass this on to show off how smart you are.

Have a nice weekend and God bless.