On A Lighter Note – Volume 30

And there were 3 married couples…

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Joe the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself, “What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot”.

The second man married a telephone operator. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Wow, he`s a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button…”.

The third man married a school teacher. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself “poor guy, she`s pretty but teachers are just too frigid”.

The next morning Joe reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher`s husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day.

6:00 a.m.
The phone rings it`s the nurse`s husband wanting breakfast. The nurse`s husband opened the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man`s pyjamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Joe asked, “What happened sir? You married a nurse.”

The man sourly replies, “Son, don`t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying ” you`re not sanitary, you`re not sanitary”.

Joe went back down to the main desk to wait for the next call.

6:30 a.m.
The telephone operator`s husband calls for breakfast. Joe brings it as fast as possible hoping for the best. The man opens the door and Joe stepped back in shock. The man`s hair and pyjamas were properly combed and pressed.

Joe asks,” What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as their voices.”

The man sourly replies “Son, don`t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, “your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.”

Joe went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher’s husband will be calling any minute.

4:30 p.m.
The teacher`s husband called for breakfast. Joe can`t believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couples room. The man opened the door and Joe took a step back in shock. He wore only his boxers and his hair was a mess. He had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked “What happened to you? Did you have a fight?”

The man smiles and happily replies, “No Son, when you marry be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying “We are going to do this over and over, until we get it right.”

Just a thought…

Economics Teacher: Give example of “Complete business failure due to negligence”
Student: A pregnant prostitute
…………………………………………
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men.
“Don’t” & “Stop”……..unless they’re used together
…………………………………………
Orgonomic study shows that doggy style is the best sexual position for married couples.
While you are at it………she can read her book and you can watch TV.

Chat up lines

1. Did you fart?
   cuz you just blew me away2) Are your parents retarded?
   cuz ya sure are special.

    

   3) My Love for you is like diarrhea.
   I can’t hold it in.

   4) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
   cuz I can see myself in em.

   5) If you were a tree & I was a Squirrel,
   I’d store my nuts in yer hole

   6) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
   but beauty’s only a light switch away..

   7) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

   AND.. the best for last!

   8 ) Your face reminds me of a wrench,
   every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

    

“Some things you just can’t explain”

A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar slowly getting drunk.

A man comes in and asks the farmer,

“Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?

” The farmer says,

“Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked.

The farmer then decides to try and answer,

“Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her.

Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.”

That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“Try me” the man says.

The farmer relenting, continued

“I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope.

Then I sat down and continued to milk her.

Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.”

“Ok so 2 buckets of milk spilled. That still isn’t that bad.”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

” So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued.

“I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right.

I sat back down and continued to milk her,

and just as I got the bucket just about full,

the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”

“Wow, you must have been pretty upset!” but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.”

The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”

“So then what else did you do?” the man asked again. “

Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.

That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in.

“Like I said! Some things you just can’t explain.”

The Smart Sales Ass(istant)

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. ‘Good morning,’ said the young man.

‘If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.’

‘Go away!’ said the old lady. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money!’ and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

‘Don’t be too hasty!’ he said. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. ‘

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

‘If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder!’

The old lady stepped back and said, ‘Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning!’

Have a fabulously weekend and God bless you for stopping by. I mean it.