Dumb or what?
- When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:
– Are you sleeping?
– What’s your answer?
– No! I’m training to die2. Imagine when you take an electronic equipment to a technician to get it fixed and he still asks you:
– need to be fixed?
– No, it got bored of staying home alone so I brought it over for a ride.3. When it’s raining and someone notices you going out, they ask:
– Are you going out inside this rain?
– No, in the next one.4. When you wake up, then comes an idiot asking you:
– Are you Awake?
– No. Going back to bed!5. Your friend calls your home:
– Where are you?
– At news café! I brought my House over!6. They see you wet coming from the bathroom:
– Did you take your bath?
– No, I swam in the bath!7. You are standing right in front of the elevator from the ground floor and they ask:
– Going up?
– No, no, I am waiting for my apartment to come get me.8. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:
– Flowers?
– No baby! Carrots.9. You’re in the toilet when someone knocks on the door asking:
– Is anyone in there?
– No! The shit is talking to you!10. You head straight to bank with a cheque ready to get money:
-Then the lady asks you, in cash?
– No, in clips and plastics!
U only hear what u want 2hear
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “Wow, you’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “I’m just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that! I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.'”
Marriage, hehn!!!
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her…..Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. …Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.…Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them….Mike Tyson
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? …George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me….Bill Clinton
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” …George W. Bush
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married to one for two years.” …Rudy Giuliani
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” …Michael Jordan
“I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children! …Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. …..Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once….Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to….David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. …Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. …Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy….Tommy Lee
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” …Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.” …Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!” …David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes Suffer…ing! …Jay Leno
Jide Salu: Wifey, you know I love you in spite of all those silly jokes………
Jide Salu’s Diary 